how do you deal with someone grieving when your really can't deal with death yourself?

Question

i love her and i'm trying to be as sensative as possible but i keep getting pushed away and anything i suggest she gets arsey with me

Answer 1

Youre a good friend and you obviously feel her pain, death is hard to cope with and all you really can do is be there for her when she needs it, dont push your help on her.

The grieving process is a very personal one and everyone deals with it in their own way, so what might work for you might not work for others. Maybe you would like to have people around you and supporting you with hugs and sympathy, others might just like to be left alone to deal with it on their own.

The only thing that heals for sure in situations like this is time. I realise youre hurting inside too and want to reach out to your friend but gentle reassurance that you'll be there for her is about the best you can do for now. When she's ready she will thank you for it.

Good luck

Answer 2

This will be a difficult time for her and for you also. You may want her to stop grieving and get on with life. Some people can do that, some can't. She needs comforting words, warmth and love and time to heal. Try to play down your expectations of her at the moment. In the long run it will be worth it. She needs to come to grips with her loss and order her future without this person. She may feel angry, depressed and even guilty - which is normal. Just be aware that she is processing all this stuff through. Try not to confront her on issues unless she wants to talk about them. Look after yourself as well. You may need a little time out and a good friend to talk things over with. The main thing is you say you love her and that is the strongest thing that will get you both through.

Answer 3

Good question. My wife deals with this a lot it seems. Her family was never big on funerals or wakes, and as an atheist her thoughts on death are very different than others. She doesn't understand why people do a lot of the things they do when a loved one dies. I'd suggest just do you best to be a friend to her and let her know that if she needs anything she can count on you. Maybe let her do her own thing, keep her at arms length. It helps also if you're in a mood about things to have someone to vent to.

Answer 4

sometimes it take a couple of yrs to get over the pain and hurt of losing someone that you "loved." Everyone deals with it differently. Don't be offended if she gets cranky with you, that's normal. I suggest letting her cry whenever she needs to cry, if she needs time alone allow her that time. I think the very best thing she can do is write all her thoughts and feeling down on paper, whether its an incomplete thought or feeling, its still getting it out of your head and onto paper. That REALLY helps believe it or not. You might want to try that yourself as well.
I understand that your concern and advice is genuine but I think for the time being she just needs her own time and space, be patient with her . You don't have to try and fix her heart, it will heal with time. As for you , it sounds like your at wits end, as I suggested before, write your thoughts and feeling down on paper, then throw it away, theres no need to show it to anyone. its just helpful to get the thoughts and feelings out of your mind so you don't dwell on it.
good luck to the both of you :-)

Answer 5

Focus on the life and not the death.

ie: Your Mom was such a beautiful person. She always saw the positive side of any situation. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers at this tough time for you.

If you look at the Life...its much easier to deal with .
The Irish...Celebrate the life when someone passes. They drink beer and party and send them off with a celebration.

Hope that helps.

Answer 6

She may just need space, just be there for her. She will be going through all sorts of emotions, and if u are the closest thing to her u will be the one who gets it in the neck. She will need a shoulder to cry on and if you are there and not in her face she will come to u when she needs u. We all grieve in different ways and that is a process all on its own. Be within reaching distance but dont get up in her face, hope this works for you. Good luck

Answer 7

Let her be the one to decide what to talk about. If she wants to talk about her grief, then just listen and be supportive. If she wants to forget about it for a while, then talk about the things you normally would. Some people dwell on others pain, because they think that talking about it is the only way for it to end. In fact, every one grieves in their own time and way. Give your friend a chance to figure out what is best..

Answer 8

The best thing to do is just let her know you ll be there as a friend to lend a listening ear to when she needs you,Ive lost both parents and know how valuable it is to have a true friend to be there when you go through such a tragic time.If she is christian you could give her some comforting bible verses but if not you would only distance her from you.

Answer 9

My best friend lost her 7 year old son a couple years ago and when this happened I felt this way too. Just be as supportive as you can and let her know you are there for her when she needs you. Check on her often but don't get too involved cause when she comes to you, you will need to be there for her and be strong.

Answer 10

well it is hard i lost a mom and brother 5 months apart and it is hard just be there for her when she need you and give her space to grieve it is part of healing when she need you be there for her some time the best thing to say is nothing at all just hold her when she cry ///lots of love and support.///good luck sweetie to you both