Cheating...?

Question

My bf and I have been together on and off for 6 years, we have been through many ups and downs in our relationship...but one of the downs that still haunt me is when he cheated on me early on in our relationship. When he cheated on me and I found out I broke up with him and then over time things got better and we worked it out. Somewhere along the way I found out that the girl he cheated on me with got pregnant...and it was his. The kid is probably about 5 or 6 years old now...and I am worried that maybe in the future he may come back into our lives...don't children tend to come looking for their biological parents?

Note: We intend to get married sometime soon, and I am worried that that kid will come into our lives when he is older and I dunno what to do....

So my question is...do kids normally seek their biological parents or not?

When I found out that the child was his, and told him to accept the child, he denied it...eventually he admitted to the fact she might have been pregnant when he stopped seeing her and so, he said not to worry...that things will workout. I tried to get him to accept the child and make him a part of our lives initially but 6 years later and the child isn't in our life and I am just scared and nervous ...its not that I don't like children or something...I actually like children and do want the kid to meet his father and stuff...but I am just scared of what will happen in the future.

Answer 1

Put it behind you, buzz me and I will tell you what happened to me and my hubby early on.....Angela

Answer 2

if you are getting married, it goes without saying, you accept him AND his baggage.
it may not be an issue today, but you know it might happen, so you need to prepare yourself for when it does.
there is no harm in the child wanting to know his biological,
it would be much easier for everyone if dad went looking for the kid now and not wait for the kid to find him.
if he knows for certain that the child is his, he needs to do the right thing by the kid. be active in the kids life and pay child support. the mom may or may not oppose, but its the right thing.
put yourself in the position, that you have a child with bf and then he leaves you, doesnt take responsibility, emotionally, or financially? you would feel like sh**.
and most of all its not the kids fault!! he didnt ask to be born and he certainly deserves to be loved and taken care of.
dont show your selfish and immature side, learn to adapt and live with it. there is not much you can do anyway. the kid roam this earth and he will come looking for his father some dayand it wont matter where you are in life.
consider, helping your bf look for this kid and become active in his life.

Answer 3

I knows it's not easy but you have to try and not worry about it now or it will cause problems even if the child doesn't try and find him later on. It's not a definate thing that he will though my 12 year old daughter insists she will never want to trace her biological father as he doesn't deserve her time as he never gave her any of his and she now has a step dad who in her eyes is her real Dad because he's the one who is there when she needs him. My partner has two children who he has no contact with through no fault of his own and if and when they come looking they will be recieved by us all with open arms. I think the main problem you have is because you were together when this child was concieved and if he comes looking it will be a reminder of his cheating maybe you haven't moved on enough from that at the moment?

Answer 4

What type of person are you? How could you be so selfish, to not want his child to be a part of his life. You are not a true woman. If he was smart, he would dump you!!! It is not the child's fault he was born and if he really had a child with someone, I am sure he sees that child and he pays child support. He just doesn't tell you. You are pathetic. You chose to stay with him knowing he made another child, so you need to be open to the idea of him being a father or he will end up doing it to you. Karma comes back 3 fold. Your a woman that lacks integrity. I hope you do marry him and then the mother of that child makes your income part of her child support. You see, they take HOUSEHOLD income into consideration when setting a support order, so if you are married, they include your income when they set an amount for him to pay. I wish I knew who the mother was, so I could tell her...

Answer 5

There will be financial ramifications. Be aware and comfortable knowing that your savings may be needed to support the child.

But there is a more fundamental question: why would you marry a man that has no involvement with his own kid? There may be an explanation - but it better be a real good one. A man that takes no role in his kids life is not a man that is of high integrity or character. Add that he has a history of cheating on you....hmmmm....what would Dr Laura say?

Answer 6

I am male in a defacto relationship that spans 10 kids between us that does not mean that either of us live in fear of children from past relationships will come looking for us.if you are really serious about this relationship and wanting to get married you will have to consider the fact that the child may or may not come looking for his father as the child has a right to know who his other parent is but don't put yourself in self defence mode just accept the fact that it has happened and try to welcome the child as a part of your relationship to this man

Answer 7

I know this is convoluted thinking, but I think men have been conditioned into believing that in order to prove their worth, they have to be sexual performers or they won't be loved. Sometimes this is a sign of poor self worth and women suffer from the same phenomenon. This is why people make these crucial betrayal mistakes in relationships and usually end up hurting someone else. If this is bothering you so much and you want to get married, I recommend sorting it out in therapy or it's just going to continue to be an agenda.

Answer 8

The kid is his, he can prove it so there's no escape from that. If you're seriously considering getting married to him although he cheated on you once and probably will in the future then you must live with the fact that he's got an illegitimate child of his own and he's liable to fornicate out of wedlock. Just dump him if you're looking for your peace of mind.

Answer 9

It was a mistake... But a child has every right to seek out their biological parent... When it happens, don't get upset, invite them in and be supportive... He was an idiot, but that doesn't mean that the child should suffer...

Imagine if that child was you, how would you like to be treated??? Try some compassion!!!

Answer 10

They say when you forgive you must forget but there are times the two doesn't sync well but if you really love him and you think he has changed I suggest put it behind you. As you said you will get married just think of that and the new memories that will entail on it. Maybe there will be a time someone will knock on your door and introduce himself as the kid of your husband I suggest even its hard accommodate him, its not the kids fault what his parents did.

Answer 11

he should be looking for the kid to pay child support she could come forward at any time then hell owe back pay and that could be a financial burden to you attorney fees etc.what if he left you like that and how do you know for sure he does not see the kid or give her money? think this out good luck.