My fiancee has been separated for 5 years, we have been together for 16 months now and plan on getting married in November. My fiancee, her x-husband and I all work for the same company. A coworker friend of both my fiancee and her x-husband recently revealed to me that she had had an affair while she was married with a person that also works at the plant. I'm not sure if her affair ended their marriage 5 years ago, or their were other issues involved.
I truly love and care for her deeply, but now my emotions are having a field day about this issue, fear, stress and worry that she may do It again.
She's not yet aware that I know about her affair, should I sit down and tell her what I know about her, or should I just keep quiet and hope that I won't be another victom of adultry.
This issue never before crossed my mind about her, she's a very attractive woman with a great personality and I'm certain that someone is always flirting and making a pass at her.
2006-07-27 23:47:30 · 8 answers · asked by featherhead 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I honestly think you should talk to her...tell her you know about the affair and were concerned that it may happen to you....Ask her why she did it? What were the flaws in the relationship that caused her to get a divorce? Ask her what you can do to prevent things from making her want to cheat on you...or get divorced. Ask her what she expects from this relationship, and what she expects for your marriage. Also, tell her that you are going to trust her, but she should know that if there is any problem in the relationship between you two, that she needs to openly discuss the problem regardless of how painful and that you both will try to figure things out, but definitely not go outside the marriage. If she agrees to this great! If you think you can truly trust her and so on then great! But, if there is even a little bit of doubt, just know that it can ruin your married life. So, I think you should lay it out on the table...tell her everything you know, feel and think and tell her to be honest with you. Also be sure to tell her what you expect from this relationship and marriage...and see if things will work.
Keep in mind women tend to cheat not due to the opportunity but because there was an emotional issue at the home front and the only solution she found was outside the marriage....so if it was an emotional cheating then realize that it wasn't her fault it was the circumstances fault and although she should have just ended the relationship before going outside the marriage, things are not that easy in a marriage. Yet, if the cheating was not due to an emotional circumstance and if what she says makes you feel like there is a chance you may get hurt...then maybe you should reevaluate the next step of your life.
Good luck and my prayers are with you.
2006-07-28 00:27:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
be honest and tell her that you know and let her know your fears. i for one, believe that women do not have affairs because of sex. they have it because they aren't getting what they need in their lives to be fulfilled. women are more emotional then men. I'm sure if she had an affair it was because her relationship with her husband had long since been over, even if they didn't realize it then. good luck and remember honesty is always the best policy
2006-07-28 07:00:48 · answer #2 · answered by notyours 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As it's affecting you so much you really do need to talk to her about it and your fears,get her side of the story and her reasons for why it happened. at the end of the day it's in her past and there's nothing that can change that if you plan on spending the rest of your life with her you have to accept her past just as she does yours and then forget about it. It's your future together that's important. we've all done things in the past that we look back on and wish we hadn't but it's done and over nothing can change it so you just need to close the door and move forward instead of dwelling on things that you can't change.
2006-07-28 07:00:59 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah Piggy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask to speak with her. Speak calm and nice. Do not act like Judge and jurror. If you love her get it out on the table asap or take the chance it eats you from within and ruins the relationship.
Good Luck.
2006-07-28 07:15:43 · answer #4 · answered by spoiled_princess_pennsylvania 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This would be one of those things that you may want to talk to her about. Be honest and start your marriage with good communication.
2006-07-28 06:53:11 · answer #5 · answered by wondrfl_1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
please forgive me but it sounds like shes getting the reputation as the office sluuut if she did it to them what makes you different?word of advice dont mix business with pleasure not a good idea move on youve been shown a warning in your face what more did you need. good luck
2006-07-28 07:04:28 · answer #6 · answered by nicole l 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is the BEST POLICY!
Just ask het about it and ask her to be honest and say that it is in the past and you guys can work around it???
Why not?
2006-07-28 07:20:11 · answer #7 · answered by Chellie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you plan on marrying her then you should be able to talk to her about this.
2006-07-28 08:02:01 · answer #8 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋