Urgent help please?

Question

I am not sure where to begin. I have posted messages on here before about my ex and my new partner and son having a lot of difficulties which also included me. Well I put in that post that my ex husband seems to have a way of getting my son to do exactly what he wants as in causing trouble between my new partner and i. My ex seems to be able to brainwash my son and it has now got to a stage where my son is violent and destructive towards myself, my new partner and within the home. A few weeks ago I had to call the police out to my son because he was wrecking the house and threatening me with a knife. My son is 13 yrs old; the police took him away and locked him in the cells for 2 hours. The desk sergeant couldn’t believe his eyes and said my son was one of the most arrogant kids he had ever seen and had no remorse for what he had done.

I have always tried to give my ex access and have never stopped him seeing our son. The problem I have now is my son as a social worker and I have been informed by his social worker that I should stop all access immediately as my ex’s influence over our son is affecting his behaviour in a major way. My ex is also a very violent person and hits first and asks questions later. The social worker said that unless I stop all contact they cannot help him with his problems, because all the good work they do his father will undo.

My son loves his dad well I think he does, I know I have to stop the access but can anyone tell me what my rights are? I have heard about parental responsibility and I believe my ex and I both have it, as we got married after my son was born and my ex’s name is on the birth certificate. I look after our son all week and he has him for a few hours on a Saturday. I believe I am his legal guardian by what my divorce papers say but I am not sure. My ex has not paid any maintenance towards our son for the past two and half years. I know if I stop his access he will start threatening me and coming round causing trouble, my new partner works away all week in London and is worried sick about what might happen. I do believe I would be in great danger. The other thing is my ex would not think twice about taking our son when he comes out of school or even while he is out playing.
Can someone please tell me what rights I have and what I can do to protect us from what might happen? I’m desperate

Thanks but just to add a little more my son as an appointment to see a child psychologist on the 25th of next month and the social worker is arranging an anger management course for him to attend.

Answer 1

Go to the Citizens Advice Bureau. hey can give you all the advice you need. They can arrange to meet a solicitor who can tell you what steps you need to take to ensure your sons future and your safety.

I wont say that your ex will not do anything as a result of your actions, but you will have the law on your side.

Good Luck

Answer 2

What you do is get a lawyer. You go back to court and get a modification of visitation. Under the circumstances you describe and with the support of the social worker, the judge will order that ex has no contact with child until approved by social worker and/or the child's therapist (which he clearly needs). You should also get a restraining order against ex so that he does not bother either of you or try to have prohibited contact with your son.

Violating a restraining order is a crime. They typically prohibit the restrained party from coming withing a couple hundreds yards of the protected persons.

Also, if ex takes son when prohibitied from having contact, he could be charged with custodial interference.

You alert the school to the problem. Give them a copy of the restraining order.

We always hope these types of measures will work. They frequently do, actually. If your ex is the exception, there will be consequences for him. Eventually even 99.9% of the biggest boneheads finally catch on that they can't bully the judges and they go to jail when they don't respect court orders. But nothing will change if you don't use the legal system to its full extent. Get the protection that's available.

And I will also mention that your position as the parent is now precarious. You are in contact with "the system." If you don't take measures to help your son (like keeping dad away) that are recommended by the social worker, eventually someone will decide that you are not a protective parent and maybe son should be in foster care. I don't mean to scare you, but that's where these situations sometimes lead.

Answer 3

I was in the same situation a few years ago with my ex. He also was a hit first and ask questions later person. This is probabley where your son is getting his behaviour from, if he see's his dad doing it he thinks that's how males behave. You need to be able to sit down and talk with your son, it will be very difficult at first but keep trying. And as for you having parental responsiblity you have. Because the child resides with you for more than 5 days a week. The best thing is to get a neutral party involded so that you have as little contact with your ex as possible, if the trouble still goes on get an injunction put on him, just make sure you keep yourself safe. Good Luck

Answer 4

Hi sorry to hear about all this. I would go to a solicitor and see what they say, as you have said that your son loves his father dearly. I would let my son see his father under supervision through the social worker as you don't want your son thinking its you keeping him away from his father. They could meet at a social centre and have a social worker watching them and listening to them and what they say to each other. Plus they write notes down. You will then find out what is said.
Speak to your social worker/son's social worker and I'm sure you could sort this out to make every one happy. Good luck at this difficult time in your life but I'm sure you and your partner are strong and will find whats best for your son.

Answer 5

this is a legal matter, make an appointment with a solicitor and explain everything and go from there.

although your son loves his dad, his dad is not a healthy influence in his life, and you live in fear for your safety, which is not right, your ex is using bullying tactic's. i wish you well in standing up to this bully, and get back on to the social workers and ask them for more help.

Answer 6

You need to see a solicitor NOW, you could make your son awarded of court, and ask for full parenteral rights on the ground that you have about your ex. get a junction out on your ex to keep him away from you and your son, there is away so get help know and good look

Answer 7

move house to a town far enough away your ex cant visit easily ok your kid might run away but that's a risk you got anyway, better yet move down near london so your new partner can commute instead of bieng away all week - your not actually stopping access by moving just making it very difficult especially if you don't forward him your address

Answer 8

I know it is not a good solution but if you know where your ex is you could always put the Child Support Agency on to him for the back maintenance. that may have an effect, also if there is no maintenance you could stop the visits.

Answer 9

your son is at a difficult point in his life 13 is a difficult age anyway ..for his sake you should ask also to find counselling not just with a lawyer but a therapist ..it is not fair to him to be psycologically manipulated by his dad ..and since he reacts so rebelliously and is violent it is most important that he gets the best possible help ...best of luck and please remember you are not alone !