A femaile acquaintance of mine has been having an affair with another man for about 10 or 11 years. 18 months ago, her husband found out and she promised to stop the affair, but it's still going on. She and her husband have kids, as does her boyfriend. I don't know whether to tip off her husband. He idolises her and she treats him like a doormat. Should I leave them to it or does he have the right to know?
2006-07-27 22:23:09 · 45 answers · asked by david 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he was already made aware of the situation on time leave it alone. Unfortunately you will only get the short end of the stick because he may blame you. Also he probably know about it anyway. He should notice the signs and be a little more suspicious.
2006-07-27 22:33:36 · answer #1 · answered by Carrie C 3 · 32⤊ 4⤋
You posted an answer about my sister - for which I am grateful. She does work - full time - and is paying all the bills at present! If you contact me, I will give you more information as I am not sure she is getting best advice at the moment (but obviously am not sure what she has told her lawyer!) - so to have some free advice would obviously be very welcome - and lets face it, that is why people use yahoo answers!!!
As you are a divorce lawyer, you must know the pitfalls involved! I would have a word with her saying that if you know the affair is still going on, others will too - and someone may not be able to keep their mouths shut! Let someone else do the dirty though. He is obviously your friend, so suggest that, if he has any more problems in the marriage, he should see you professionally. It could also be worth just offering him a shoulder to cry on.
Of course, you could always go out for a pint with him and say you read this question on Yahoo answers - what does he think should happen!!! Just alter the time spans, the number of kids and so on!
It is one of those moral dilemmas that I hope I never have to face!
2006-07-28 01:03:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As cruel as it sounds, its really non of your business moresothat the woman is only an acquaintance of yours and from the sound of it you got no relation whatsoever with the husband. the reason why i am saying this is because had the husband(victim) been your friend then the situation will be different because in that regard i would say you are supposed to be your brother's keeper hence you owe him a tip off. but otherwise, since he knows that his wife has cheated him before, surely he knows that she is still doing that bloke if not other guys. So let it slide.
2006-07-27 22:40:02 · answer #3 · answered by joejefferson79 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop meddling! It's not your business, they have kids, let them work on their own relationship without a third party. She's with him obviously for the kids sake for an affair that long, and shes already doing the right thing by staying, don't meddle and expose the kids to divorce or some phsyco battle that don't involve you!
2006-07-27 22:29:43 · answer #4 · answered by angelw/brkwingcrookedhalo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful - they he will probably 'shoot the messenger'.
I think that sometimes spouses know that there is something going on again but they make the decision to ignore it because it's probably easier than facing it and then having to deal with it again.
I think it's very sad - but, at the end of the day, not really your problem.
Good luck and just be around to be a good friend when he needs it.
2006-07-27 22:38:16 · answer #5 · answered by sal-your pal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question is if the female is your acquaintance then why??? do you care what she does to a man that has nothing to do with you??? Unless you like the man yourself let the tend to their relationship. Whats done in the dark will come to the light and your friend will miss a good thing once its gone.
2006-07-27 22:27:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want to do it the right way?
Then, talk to both the people involved in the affair and although you should keep your nouth out of other people's bussiness - they will be very mad at you but it is worth a try,
Do it the wrong way...
Take your camera and take picture's of them - send it to her husband (anonymously) and watch two people's lives fall apart!
2006-07-27 23:33:20 · answer #7 · answered by Chellie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would also feel bad if I knew, but you are putting your butt on the line.. I would try to do that anonymously.. Be honest in your letter, tell him you know both, that you hate to see him play the fool, but because of experience in similar situations (doesn't have to be your experience), you are deciding to stay anonymous.. tell him to check it out for himself.. good luck.
You could also try confronting her, especially if you are close, and telling her YOU can't live with yourself, you can't look him in the eye.. and that SHE should be honest.. she is probably in love with the other man, but try to make her realize that what she is doing is wrong, and that the family that she has could fall apart.. Make her realize how much she is hurting her children.. that one day it will all come out, and that she is not only betraying her husband, but also her children, who so innocently trust her. That trust is hard to regain..
Plus, maybe make them realize that HE needs to change, he needs to realize that love is a game, and that he made it possible for her to take him for granted.
2006-07-27 22:30:15 · answer #8 · answered by verito 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
rather talk the wife to stop it, if she doesn't, then you've tried to protect him, then you must tell him the truth cause really he deserve to know. Unless he knows ofcorse, pretending as if he doesn't know anything. You don't wanna be the person anyway, you tell, you might have someone's relationship finished and some people point fingers at you of sticking your nose into people's business. If you don't tell, you not be a good friend, but if you pretend as if you don't know anything and let him findout himself.
2006-07-27 22:33:36 · answer #9 · answered by tender-boy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should. He has a right to know. No human being deserves to be treated like a doormat.
2006-07-27 22:27:08 · answer #10 · answered by karandikarnikhil 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you benefit from your involvement?
My guess is...you don't.
So you're acting out from a position of disgust and anger...
or ...
you are jealous.
From either stand point; I'd say let it go.
You can't force her into a divorce and live a life with the man she chooses...
You can't force him to open his eyes.
let it be...you're still somewhat neutral hopefully...
all that can happen from being involved is that you are left in a "down" position...meaning - you lose.
he knows...he just hasn't accepted...
2006-07-27 22:29:19 · answer #11 · answered by Warrior 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋