I am leaving my verbal and emotionally (physical 3 times in the past) abusive husband soon and I am so fearful of the unknown. I am 33 years old, have a daughter 6 and a son 4. Been with him for 12 years so he is really the only serious long term relationship I've had. I just wonder what it is like after leaving. I will be going to live with my mom until I get on my feet. I am so unhappy here I find it hard to focus on anything that will improve my life.
I plan on going to college and getting a part time job and taking care of my wonderful, loving children. I just wonder how is dating with kids cause I know I'm not going to trust men around them for quite awhile if ever. I don't know how I can even love again even though I want to cause of all the pain with him. I just want to happy. I want to know how your divorces went and how is your life now, and some encouragement. Thank you and lots of love to you : )
2006-07-27 21:11:10 · 5 answers · asked by Veronique 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Being a single mom is difficult, yet rewarding. Especially for you, after having been married to a jerk for so long. I left mine after 6 years..I was a mother to two children as well. So long as you have a good support system(like your mom), you will be okay. It will be hard financially at times, but where there's a will there's a way. Yes, it will take time to find the courage to love and date again. Will your children adjust to it? Eventually. Best advice, don't introduce your children to the man unless you intend to have a long term relationship with him. That way there isn't a lot of coming and going for them to deal with.
Because my ex didn't fight me for custody, the divorce went very smoothly. The whole court hearing took less then 15 minutes, and I was free. I won't say that I didn't cry. But I didn't cry for him, I cried for the lost love and the failed marriage, and my children. As for myself? I was finally free to find myself again. I enjoyed it very much. I learned to live again.. on my own. I took care of my children without child support at times, it was hard but I survived. If you run into troubles, there are always programs to fall back on if need be. But remember, once you get on a program it's very difficult to get off. The best program to take advantage of is the childcare assistance. If you are in school and working part-time, you will qualify. And that isn't as hard to do without once you earn too much to qualify. Unless of course you have family there to watch them while you are in school or at work.
You will find some one that wants you for you down the road. Don't look for it right away. Take time to discover the world out there. It's changed some since you were last single! And since you lost sight of "you" in your life.
As for finding a man that will want you and your kids? There are plenty out there that are divorce with children themselves. It's not hard as some people make it out to be.
Good Luck to you! Remember anything is possible when you are determined! Love your children, love yourself, the rest will fall into place.
BTW I am remarried now, to a man that also has 2 children of his own... and am very happy!
2006-07-28 01:00:46 · answer #1 · answered by Mary J 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about the dating just yet. Follow through with college, take care of the kids as best as you can. When you start dating, tell them up front you have kids. Don't let them meet your children unless you see it being a very long term relationship. After my divorce, I dated a guy for almost a year and he never laid eyes on my daughters. It is kind of like living a double life but it is possible and it is worth it. You need grown up time too. My divorce was horrible, I lost everything, he took my girls for 3 months(with no contact), had me thrown in jail for something I said over the phone, it was the worst time of my life for a year straight. 6 years later I have gone to college, I have sole custody of my daughters, have my own home, found a great guy who I've been with for 5 years,a great job, and I get pure satisfaction every time I see him miserable and unhappy. It will be alright, just be strong and don't give up.
2006-07-28 10:00:18 · answer #2 · answered by stacilynn26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In your situation, don't plan on finding a guy. Most guys will NOT go for a single mother, especially with 2 or more kids. Plus the fact that your ex-husband sounds physically abusive and psycho, he could be a threat to any guy who tries to date you and it will be a major turn-down. So just to give you a heads up, your chances of another successful relationship are very low.
2006-07-27 21:18:47 · answer #3 · answered by Lothario 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T listen to that second answer. There are many GOOD men out there who will want someone even if they have kids. It's tough to find them, but they are there. You just gotta keep going till you find the right one. I'm speaking from experience.... mother of three... 2nd marriage.... only one child "his".... and he loves all three the same. Good luck... and remember no matter how hard it gets, it will get better.
2006-07-27 21:26:03 · answer #4 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have never been married ( seeing as i am only 13), but my oarents got divorced when i was 7, and i know tha tmy mom went through hell because my dad did not tell her why he wanted a divorce. It will really suck for your kids too, i know that firsthand. God Bless!!!!
2006-07-27 21:17:17 · answer #5 · answered by tyalyssa1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋