Should I get a Divorce?

Question

We've been married for 7 yrs and have no kids. I'm 24 and he is 31 yrs. All we ever do is fight about everything. He acts like a child by blowing money on whatever he wants & not paying the bills, spending weekends at friends', and throwing fits when he doesn't get his way. As for me, I have been having bad health problems, so I can't work, go out like I would like to, or have sex very often. Also, I have no self-esteem/confidence so I try to keep him happy at the expense of everything else, but he barely thinks of anyone but himself. We love eachother, but everything else sucks. (I tend to think that love is not enough to save a marriage, especially when everything else is pretty much bad.) He says he'll change and do better by me, but never does.
When is it enough and time to say good-bye? I keep going back and forth from lets just call it quits once & for all, and the guilt of giving up on marriage.

Answer 1

You should consider marriage counseling or get out. That's my simple but insensitive answer.

Answer 2

Your situation sounds very, very similar to a situation I was in and there is hope for your marriage if you both are willing to put in the effort. Probably the best thing to do is get into counseling and start working from there.
He has to know how you feel and how his actions are affecting you and the marriage. Marriage is 50/50 - which means he shouldn't be selfish all the time, blowing money and hanging out with his friends. You are his wife and you come before anything. The fact that you are ill should mean he is there for you and he is understanding and supportive. Depending on his personality and how he was brought up (many moms tend to coddle their sons to the point where they think they are the center of the universe) he may not even understand what he is doing wrong - which is where a counselor would come in and shed some light.
Sometimes spouses and people close to us don't take our advice, but when an unbiased 3rd party that has nothing to gain from it says the same thing then it starts to hit home.
Best of luck and feel free to message me if you ever wanna chat.

Answer 3

I would not give up right away. I would talk to him and also maybe get professional help. If you guys can't have sex or have no money, it can get very tough. I know, that's how my marriage is.

Guys, if they can't be taken care of, they think they need to be taken care of other ways.

If you guys really love each other, I'd say go and get help. Sit down with him and talk to him. Marriage is hard, but you can make it work. You just have to keep at it, it's a 24/7 job.

P.S. Please keep me posted too, if you want to. I want to know how it turns out with someone else that is going through the same thing as I am. [e-mail]

Answer 4

Just remember your entitled to spousal support, and there is property involved like the house, bank accounts, cars etc. when you deal with divorce. Honey you may be blind but your not stupid!!! That boy does not love you. It is not a game weather who will win. Your not happy and you know that he is selfish. He says he will change but how long has he said he will change and he hasn't came through for you? Your still young with no kids, I am sure you will find someone better then that no good husband. Take care of you business first than go out and enjoy life. You'll find someone new. Have the financial means and a stable place to live and do not let you husband back to have sex now and then,okay! When it is over let it be over!!!!

Answer 5

Boy Ive been through this before.Unfortunatly I was the one who acted like the baby and did stupid things like ignoring her and taking her for granted.Yep,youre gonna go back and forth and back and forth and so on and so on until....the day comes when you wake up and realize that you dont love him and youre wasting you life on a useless cause.Im not saying end it,just tellin ya that Ive been there.But alot of times,starting over w new people is what has to happen.I think he is taking you for granted and knows he can act like a child because you wont go anywhere.Youre his security and he is yours.Its really hard to get out of that especially when theres a history.I can go on and on about this and that would require you emailing me so all I can offer is... that is a question nobody but you can answer.When you get to the point and see that there is better in the world,you'll leave.Or...you will see that there is an eventual change in him and your love and patience is enough to wait it out and see if its real.Either way,it will hit you and someday you'll be asking yourself....what was I thinking?Good luck....u should keep me updated. [e-mail]

Answer 6

Honey do I know what your going through!

My spouse and I had the same problems. He was always going out when ever he wanted, coming and going as he pleased. His money was his money but mine was "ours".

I was at home raising the kids while he worked, and I also had some health issues. When the kids got a little bit older I went to work too.

Now, however, the shoe is on the other foot. He has a bad back and hasn't been able to work for the last 2 years, so now I'm supporting our family.

Life is rough and we were young when we got together (we were both in our teens) but we chose to stick it out and now everything is pretty good. We've been together for 20 years.

It will only work if you BOTH work at it and continue to work at it. Its been 20 years but stuff still happens but we are committed to working things out; so they do.

Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Definetely yes, and do not even think that you are guilty at all (unless you are a devoted catholic!).I was a man to my wife as your husband to you, and we had no child. I left her after 5 years of marriage for the sake of her future. I suffered a lot and am still suffering, but I did not even call her in order to make things easy. I had no right to make her suffer because of me.
Many of your problems (fightings, misery, less sex,bad health ) are all because of the situation you are in at the moment. You expect better things, and possibly a child. If you are gonna find anyone who would satisfy your expectation:
1-Use your experience
2-Give plenty of time before you act
3-Make sure the new person has responsibilities as well as regrets, so he can behave according to his own experience.
If you are not going to find anyone try to recreate yourself, and do whatever you would like to do.
Good luck
P.S. If you divorce your husband try to stay away as far as possible, so he will not be able to bother you. Believe me you are going to become very valuable once you divorce him. Be smart, if you do not trust in yourself find someone who can help you in this matter.

Answer 8

first off i am sorry to hear that you not in the best of health i have only been married for 3 years but i will do my best to help you. stop and think do you really love this man and does he truely love you the way he says he does. marriage is a very seryice thing not something to mess with. if he is ating like a child then sweetie you need to start treating him like one let him know whats really on your mind tell him how much he is hurting you you can even try conculing as a last resort kindof thing. but for real you need to stand up to him and put your foot down and tell him he needs to grow up and start taking care of his wife like heis supposed to don't let him just walk all over you

Answer 9

Love isn't enough to save a marriage. I would suggest marriage counseling. If he doesn't positively respond to that, it's time to move on sweetie. Some of your health problems could be from stress and depression. Take care of yourself and I wish you luck.

Answer 10

You know the main thing you should be worried about is your health never mind all the childish games . It sounds to me that your husband is a very selfish person you need to worry about taking care of your health before anything else.

Answer 11

You have the right to be happy. Before you divorce, seek marriage counseling, even if he resists. At least it will give you the peace of mind to make a rational decision.