Read this poem and tell me what you think, please?

Question

I never thought you'd do this
Always thought you cared.
I trusted you with all my mind
I loved you with all my heart.

But now I don't even see,
Why I let myself free,
To love you so much at all.

Deception and hatred,
are the only words that come to me.
When I think of you, BETRAYAL FILLS MY MIND!
I really and truly wish, I could leave you behind

My heart breaks with sorrow,
With love and hate,
With confusion and understanding,
of Why you did this to me.

All you ever lived
Was a lie.
All you ever did,
It was all a game to you.

You have no heart
No feelings,
No shame.
But yet,
Somehow
I have only myself to blame.

I fell for you,
Heart and Mind,
Knowing that it wasn't right.

It was my mistake,
Trusting you,
But how on earth can I still love you
After what you did.
You broke me into pieces,
Teared my mind apart,
Flooding me with lies
and why?

To save your reputation...

Answer 1

You chocked me up.... been there = (


Great Poem!

Answer 2

My question to you is why do you want us to tell you what we think? We know nothing about the situation, so we cannot evaluate that. If you want to improve your poetry writing, my suggestion is to read poetry journals. Most truly excellent poets express emotions not by using words like "betrayal", "confusion", "understanding", "trust", "shame", etc. Those words "tell" the reader rather than "show" her how you feel. You might take one of those emotions and express them by using concrete words (words that use the senses, things you can touch, smell, hear, taste, see) and avoiding the emotion words themselves. See if you can write a poem about betrayal without using any abstract words and without using the word "betrayal".

You have deep emotions here, and getting them on paper can be very healing. Keep writing.

Answer 3

great poem! i wish i could express my feelings this way! your poem not only talks about your own feelings, but also expresses the feelings of many people who are going through the same situation. may we get the courage to forget everything and start everything anew.

btw your poem can also be used as a song, and then more people will know about it!

you must have written more! why dont you share them with us also?

thanks for your nice poem. take care, and be blessed.

Answer 4

Your poem really showed that you're in a lot of pain and that the person you love brought it all on you. I think it's great that you can express your feelings on paper. I hope it helps and if so, then I say continue doing so.

Answer 5

It has a lot of potential, i think, it just need to be edited. Some of it is very repetitive. If you write poetry regularly try coming back to this when you aren't as emotional about it.
Just being honest.

Answer 6

As was mentioned by Sympathetic Ear before me, you have the right feel for conveying your pain, but you need to learn basic poetry writing.

Always edit everything you want others to read.

Answer 7

Great poem, I think it was good to get your frustations out on paper. Now maybe you can let go and start enjoying life. Good Luck.

Answer 8

it is a very moving poem about a woman whose heart is broken, but yet she is still deeply in love with him.

Answer 9

to me that sounds like a great peom. it full of sorrow and unhappeiness if ur goin for that...... u have a wonderful poem.

Answer 10

aside from grammatical issues, ( present, past tense), but honestly, it would be better if it were sung than recited.