I feel like crap, tell me something funny or nice?

Question

For me, it's a tie. So i'm going to let voters chose the best answer. I like the redneck joke lol

Answer 1

Two red necks go hunting, Bubba and JoBob. All of a sudden JoBob collapses and doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. Bubba takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

Bubba gasps: "JoBob's dead! What do I do?"
The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence....
Then a gunshot!
Back on the phone, Bubba says: "OK, now what?"

Answer 2

You feel, so your alive. You want to change, which is totally in your hands, so you can if you wish. It is a new day and the possibilities for the day are endless. You can make your upcoming day mean something in the grand scheme, or let it pass by. Both are legitimate ways to go and will affect everyone around, but you are only responsible for you... not those around you.
I hope looking at the broad picture helps.

Answer 3

UMMMMMM, lets see........okay today my pug got so excited that she ran so fast her a s s got going faster than the front of her & kinda skooted up under her chest & she almost flipped over!!!!it was pretty freakin funny since shes pretty chubby so she kinda looked like a tan furry ball!!!!

Answer 4

hi

Answer 5

WHICH WOULD U CHOOSE? CAKE OR BED?????

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

"HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING
FOR WEEKS NOW"

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY;

"FIX THE LIGHT, NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE AN ELECTRICIANS LOGO
PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!"

THE WIFE ASKS,

"WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT."

TO WHICH HE REPLIED,

"FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE HOTPOINT WRITTEN ON
MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO."

FINE, SHE SAYS,

"THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR?" THEY'RE
ABOUT TO BREAK."

"I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX THE STEPS", HE SAYS.
"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WOODIES DIY WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T
THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!! "

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO
FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND
HELP OUT. AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY
FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS
HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

"HONEY", HE ASKS, "HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?"

SHE SAID,

"WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG
MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE
REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A
CAKE."

HE SAID,

"SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?"

SHE REPLIED,

"HELLOOOOO.......DO YOU SEE DELIA SMITH WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T
THINK SO!"

Answer 6

Youre not alone. I had a suck-@$$ day too. lets go to the mall and randomly trip old people who use walkers.

Answer 7

Feeling good starts with self(love ya self homeboy).

Answer 8

I Had one of those boogers that when you try to pick it out, nothing happens..so i tried to blow a snot-rocket and it hit my keyboard.

Answer 9

whats the difference etwween a horney toad and a frog..... the frog says ribbit ribbit the horny toad says rub it rub it

Answer 10

How about a sweet hug from an old gramma?
I figure you could use one!
(((((((((( You are a great guy!)))))))))