our son was given a list of rules required to abide by to stay in our home, he refused to sign the rules and still breaks them on a regular basis, he has been asked to move out. he has been kicked out of continuation school and attends adult school once a week and will not work. he does own a car which was given to him by his sister
2006-07-27 18:53:43 · 9 answers · asked by Michael S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Key Phrase: "constantly using pot"
He's already shown a history of not complying with rules, he won't move out, and he's been kicked out of school.
You have to do what you have to do and explain it to him that it's time he deals with his true issues, some of which may be lack of motivation ... due to... yes...drug use.
Deal with the underlying issues - counseling will be essential. You have shown patience to this point.
You have other children to be concerned about - it is your obligation to protect them.
I know this is very difficult, but I hope you will find a support system to help you help your son. Things can change, and good luck.
2006-07-27 19:30:42 · answer #1 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
-okay this is my advice. I know as a family member you love him whatever it takes and it's not that easy to kick him out of the house. First, try to resolve the problem on the simpliest way. Take him out for a launch or dinner and talk to him personally. Find out the reasons and factors why is he doing this. Ask him about his plans and dreams to his life. Make him involve into activities that will change his lifestyle in a positive way. If that doesn't work, then a third party might need to be involve. What i mean is like a family counselor. If still doesn't work then my final option will be a rehab. Kicking him out of the house is not a good idea in this specific situation although he's on the legal age. As a family,we are all responsible for each other. We must show love, care, support, security and affection to each other. As parents we must show them how important they are to us. We need to show our support if they need it. And they need to understand that there is a better life out there if they will change. Hope this will help. God bless you!
2006-07-28 02:17:36 · answer #2 · answered by soldierstud 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is 18, you can legally kick him out... Are you sure that's the best thing? If you are compassionate parents, you might want to try this dose of "tough love" my parents tried on me, before you tell him to hit the road. It made me really angry at the time, but looking back- it shocked me into reality and helped me grow up.
THE "MATTRESS TREATMENT"
Wait until he leaves for a while with some friends. While he is gone, rent a storage facility and put EVERYTHING in his room in it... EXCEPT his mattress.
No bed frame, no sheets, no pillow, no TV, no computer, no posters, NOTHING. just a COMPLETELY empty room and a mattress.
When he opens the door to his room to only see the mattress, he will be quite shocked. He will blame you for invading his privacy, but he violated his agreement with YOU (not the other way around!)
Don't cave in... Tell him that if he chooses to accept responsibility, he can move some of the stuff back in, but he has to pay rent, go to rehab, start working or something... Otherwise, you will have a garage sale with his stuff.
It will take a "Significant Emotional Event" for him to begin to accept responsibility for himself.
Good Luck!
2006-07-28 02:06:28 · answer #3 · answered by User 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honestly id say kick him out, or beat some sence into him.. hes lucky to have parents who it seems like you care and dont want to give up on him. its good to love your kids but if he is dishonoring you constantly id say kick him out, a while on the streets might do him good and hes got a car so he'll have it alot easier than alot of people i know, its hard it can be hard and emotionally draning on you but i honestly think that if he wants the honor to live in your house he should respect your willingness to continue to help him out. honestly i would take the car away but i dont know if you can. he should wake up and realize how lucky he is that his parents love him, 14 was the first time i had to leave home and at his age i was still sleeping on the streets well up untill this past may, im now 19 trying to put my life back togeather, facing a few court dates, trying to live with my family again and be the good person i wanted to be but alot of circumstances threw me off that path and im really ashamed of what happened in the past as well as some things still happening. but i can say that it will be a real wake up call for him to realize what happens when mommy and daddy dont give you everything anymore and when people get sick of you crashing on their couch, invading their space.. pnemonia and rain on a night in the mid 40s with no blanket or coat really makes one think about where theyre going in life and what they once had. having to wait an hour and a half inline at the soup kitchen when your stomachs been rumbling since 5pm the night befor will do that same thing to you. the shame of having to panhandle, and the fear of getting arrested beacuse sleeping has become illegal, the fear of violence bugs, illness, the realization that you are not one of the ritcheous and the look in their eyes when they walk past you is enough to make you want to crawl into a hole and die. i can go on and on but honestly the point is he needs to respect and love you the way it seems you love him and it doesnt seem like hes returing the honor right now, and it also doesnt seem that he realizes all the advantages a loving family gives a person. maybe he should lose it all for just a lilttle while and he just might open up his eyes.
also i agree with adam that is a good one to.
2006-07-28 02:14:26 · answer #4 · answered by zumy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, the law requires that you take care of your kids until they're 18. Then lawfully If you tell him to leave and he doesn't he is tresspassing on your property. You can call the cops on him and have him removed. Then change the locks and stick to your plan.
2006-07-28 02:33:05 · answer #5 · answered by Calamity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is 18, so he is of legal age. Stand your ground, take away all things you have bought him, and kick his a-s-s out. He needs to get a taste of the real world, and appreciate everything his parents have done for him. Its going to be harder on him now, but easier on him later.
Best wishes
2006-07-28 02:01:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Certainly you can force him to leave. There is no law that requires you to provide anything to him after he reaches his 18th year.
Depending on the jurisdiction you may even be able to have the Courts assist you in removing him and keeping him away from the home.
2006-07-28 02:01:12 · answer #7 · answered by terrya1750 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he is of legal age if he's 18. You don't "ask" you tell him to go and if he doesn't, you pack his bags for him, place them on the front doorstep and change the locks on your house. Then, you stick by this plan until you see a change in his attitude (if that day ever comes).
2006-07-28 01:57:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay..time to get tough..kick him out and make him stand on his own two feet..it sounds like he thinks he can treat you with disrespect and play silly with drugs...show him he can't...it's tough love time..
2006-07-28 01:59:40 · answer #9 · answered by MissDaharki 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋