How can a mid-life crisis be averted?

Question

Consider extra-marital affairs, expensive convertibles, and any other examples of middle age people trying to live like they are 20.

Answer 1

Well, the mid-life crisis centers around the fear of getting old, because being old is associated with "settling down" and losing excitement, adventure, and spontaneity - in other words, it's like all the best and most interesting parts of your life will end! So people undergoing a mid-life crisis desperately try to make these things happen (usually in foolish ways). It's kind of like when you eat really spicy food; your first instinct is to drink water even though it'll be better if you calm down and slowly eat some bread. Mid-life crisis people need to calm down and eat their bread, and here is how I think it should be done:

1. Rethink your feelings about aging. If you've always been adventurous, that won't change just because time is passing! Aging can really be like a fine cheese or wine: steadily better. Instead of injecting shallow experiences or superficial possessions into your life, now's the time to benefit from all those profound moments you've had - you (hopefully!) have learned that some of your most exhilarating moments aren't screeching around in an expensive car, but are teaching your kids something new, spending a week at a cottage staring a gorgeous lake sunsets, or sharing a romantic night with a partner.

2. Rethink your feelings about youth. We tend to think things that happened long ago were much more fun than things that happened recently. But is having an extramarital affair actually fun and fulfilling? Or do you just think it is because it's drinking the water; it's making you think you're doing something youthful? For example - maybe you'll decide to party a lot. Wait - how fun was it really when you were throwing up alchohol all over the floor at the age of 16? Remember all the identity crises, the fighting, the hormones, and the craziness - now understand, you've progressed past that, and that's ok!

3. Rethink your methodology: if you're going to decide you're life isn't good enough, okay: we all go through phases. But will self-destructive patterns really help? Why not travel, do some volunteering for the needy, get involved in a political cause, etc? They're likely to give your life more energy and purpose than a stupid joyride.

4. Don't buy into the pressure. The media has a pretty low opinion of middle-aged people - especially women - as being totally "over the hill". They're supposed to get excited about new Bounty paper towels or a softer laundry detergent! In a similar way that there's a lot of pressure to be in a serious relationship in your early 20s, have kids by 28, and kill yourself if you aren't married by 30, there's a lot of voices in the media (or a lack of) which all tell you that you've become a big nothing. The media loves youth, and you aren't young - but that's ok, because you aren't buying into the pressure! You know the truth: that being young is a desperate race towards becoming perfect, to having a perfect life, and the media makes their money on that desperation - but you know better. Yes, you're out of that particular rat race: and that's a good thing!

5. Instead of acting as though middle age is something to be ashamed about, or to turn into something else, why not celebrate it? Look at the things you've accomplished, the struggles you've been through, the lessons you've learned and the obstacles you've overcome, and throw yourself a big party that congratulates you on the past and encourages you towards the future!

Wow, this turned out sounding like a really corny magazine article. Why does that always happen???!!

Answer 2

I strongly suspect that mid-life crises are way more prevalent on situation comedies than they are in real life. I've made it to nearly 60 without having one. I'm acquainted with people my age all over the country, and none of them had affairs or bought convertibles. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen at all. There are undoubtedly men who just can't cope with the idea they're getting older. But, I don't have a clue how to avert it because I doubt there's any way to predict it. The first symptom is probably when the victim shows up wearing white bell bottoms, a pair of sandals, and a loud shirt unbuttoned to the waist. By then, though, he's possessed, and about all you can do is hope he doesn't do too much damage until he comes to his senses.

Answer 3

I guess you could check out early. Seriously, it is okay to have a little crisis about it - your life is at least half over! Constructive things are the best way to go. If you hate your job, get a new one. If you want excitement and challenge forget having affairs, renovate a house. Think of things you always wanted to do and do some of them like take a special trip. If the kids are moving out and you are panicked get a puppy. I also recommend the convertible - you couldn't afford it when you were younger why not treat yourself for all your hard work and accomplishments with a new toy? My husband and I have done all these things and we are having a blast! Why wait for retirement to enjoy yourself - what if your health doesn't hold out? If this is a crisis I hope it is a long one!

Answer 4

Basically, you have to be happy with yourself and your relationships. The trouble with people nowadays is that they are so busy with careers, etc. that they wind up distracting themselves and then one day they realize that one day they'll die, they've grown apart from their spouse and their career isn't the answer to finding meaning in life.

What you do in your twenties impacts what happens in your 30's and 40's. If you focus everything on your career, and marry the first person who is willing to have kids with you, you will have a mid-life crisis. Always make time for friends and family. Do the career thing, yes, but always try to maintain a sense of integrity. Don't settle romantically.

Also realize that nothing is perfect in life. Everyone has regrets and disappointments. I think by your late 30's everyone has built up a bank account of regrets and disappointments. Don't focus on them. Focus on important stuff, like the friends and family you do have, and the little moments of personal triumph and human connections you are able to manage.

In the end, you can only do your best.

Answer 5

Get all the stupid crap out of your system when you're in your 20s. Also, even as you age, still try out new things, explore, keep the romance alive (be spontaneous), etc. don't just fall into a boring daily routine.

Answer 6

Assess your goals and lifestyle. Have you achieved everything you wanted?

Is your career enjoyable? Have you been everywhere, done everything? Are you happy within? If you were in the process of drowning, in an ocean or lake, would you be okay with it, as your life passed before you?

Answer 7

death at age 35. trust me, as a mid-lifer the grass is for dang sure greener on the other side. if only my wife can see that!

seriously, those of us who survive it do so by realizing that being CONTENT with ones life is more important than "climbing" over that fence to make sure the grass is just as good as what we got in our yard.

im happy with my car, my wife and life in general. as sucky as it all sometimes seems, it's my life, i made it and i might as well enjoy it before it's gone.

Answer 8

By just ignoring it simply if anyone thinks there's any crisis. It's not possible to evert the natural cycle, but it's ill effects can B reduced by sincere efforts.

Answer 9

I don't avert it-I enjoy it.
I did not have the money to travel or own bikes and boats when I was in my 20's

Answer 10

they be happy & also make others happy by their positive approch towards life.