How do you find the strength to leave your husband?

Question

He wants out too. Married almost 10 years, 2 kids. He's got money, I'm broke, even though I work part time. He's emotionally absent, I'm emotionally drained. Been through so much, don't know how to make it work. He says we're not compatible, I say I've been cheated. Please read my other questions if you haven't already. I think I need to get out even though I don't have money saved. He doesn't love me. I know it.

Answer 1

through self confidence that you have made the right decision and will be better off without him.

Answer 2

Oh how I can relate to this ?. It does take strength and I haven't been able or strong enough yet to make the move. Partly because I do love him...just not the way a wife should love her husband and maybe it's partly because I have developd a fantasy life that seems "better" and I'm afraid that maybe that life may not be as good as what I have it now. Finances play a major role but it's probably more the comfort zone that we develope over the yrs we spend with someone...The unknown is intriguing but yet it is a scary thing as well. Once we burn the bridge there is no going back and so we fear crossing it. After all this banter...I can't give you advice because I don't know what your situation is but knowing mine, I know it is a very difficult decision you face and I hope that your choice is the right one...Best of Luck! OK, now i've just finished reading your other questions and your choices in best answers either means you are just entertaining yourself or you really are clueless. Either way, if your situation is as you have stated....there should be no question as what to do! I just hate wasting my time trying to help someone who really doesn't want help! Guess I can chalk this up to 2 points...lol

Answer 3

I left my wife by divorcing her some years ago. It was not easy. I still feel a small emptiness inside.

But, I did it because it was the right thing to do. I knew that I did not make her completely happy, and never would.

I approached her honestly, dealt with the emotion, explained things, even went through counseling with her. I made sure that the divorce papers were impartial, fair, and split things fairly, according to her wishes. Although I could have "divorced her", instead I made sure it looked like an amicable split to everyone.

We have been divorced about ten years now. She called me out of the blue about a year ago and asked me how I was doing. (We talk a couple of times a year). In the discussion, I asked her how she was, and if she was happier now (she has remarried). And she said that she was, and thanked me for doing what was right, and doing it gently, honestly, and fairly.

Because I did it that way, I have never had guilt or remorse about things.

But, to start that ball rolling, you have to sit down and have an honest conversation. Tell him you want to talk about a new and different direction, one where you are going on different paths, rather than on the same one. It may be that you both know you are already on different paths, and just need to talk about it.

Of course, communicating well may have been the problem in the first place. If so, you have to find some way to just blurt it out, and get the ball rolling in the right direction.

To make it as gentle as possible, don't be in a hurry. He will be angry, and he will try to talk you into changing your mind. Be polite, but firm -- gentle, but clear. It took time to get involved, it will take time to get untangled. The faster you try to do it, the more stressful it will be for both of you.

Answer 4

Ok if my boyfriend finds this which I hope he doesnt it will cause some problems....but here it goes


Well first off,let me ask you this, how old are you two? how long were you married?why did you get married? and why do you want to leave him?


Now this will be long.

If it is because of bad sex _ go to couples thearpy and try to work that out even maybe a sex thearpist.

If it is because of infidelity- who cheated and how far did it go, how did you find out.....go to a theapist. if you feel you can not stay with him because of it being either way a couples thearoy as well as individual helps repair any emotional damage that has been done, either way....

basically almost in every situation you might want to go to a couples therapist that will also see you seperately..

if it is because of abuse. its hard you have to dig down deep in a place where you probably have lost. or alchol abouse or sexual or emotionally even. You have to find the courage and strength in yourself..perhaps through a really close friend or family member. and yes i am going to say it again a therapist. if he has been or she has been abusing you , you will need therapy to properly get over the stigma from it all.

I was in an abusive relationship which led to an abusive husband. And alcholism took a big toll.. Also the "love" just was not there anymore. people change..also if it is because he /she changed too much or the "love" is not there anymore than you talk to them. But if its abuse you should seek help when leaving. I had to dig deep and actually I confided in a mate that helped me realize it was not a good situation. It is hard and tough even if your stilll in love with the person you married, if you want to leave someone and have rationally thought it out than there is a reason. perhaps go over it with a friend and a therapist.. or family member.

But what you have to do is just do it, really it is the hardest thing to do and really rid yourself of them I know..

but support..

make sure you want to do it and mean it.....

talk to him...maybe he wants out too.

Answer 5

If you have kids and dont want them to see the uglyness between the two of you, you use them as motivation. If you know that you'll be happier without him, you look forward to a brighter tomarrow and leave today! If you hate who you are with him, you remember who you were without him and kiss him goodbye.
Depending on your circumstances, you might be feeling blue and a good night's sleep will make things look better in the morning. You may just decide you dont really want to leave him. I cant give great advice without the specifics of your relationship. I hope, however, that you do find happiness. And soon! There is nothing worse than wanting to leave and not being able to find the way out!
Good luck!
May you find your lighted path!

Answer 6

With the support of family and friends all things are possible. If you are in an abusive relationship you really need to get out soon. Know that you can make it on your own. No one needs someone else in their life to survive. There is a big difference between needs and wants. You have to decide for yourself what you need and what it is you want from life. I left my husband 17 yrs ago in order to protect my infant child. I found my strength in my child and knowing that at all costs I had to protect him. I knew that I had made the committment of marriage before God, so it was a tough decision. But in the end, I know what I did was right. I didn't want to end up with my child being a statistic of those in the Child Abuse tallies. Just look in yourself and find that inner strength... it is there.... confidence and self respect are there also... they just need to be developed.

Answer 7

Sweety I dont know what to tell you. I am in the same situation only we have 3 kids and thats all I can think about. I would feel so bad taking them out of his life full time. Reguardless of what him and I think of eachother, hes a good dad.

I also take my vows seriously and Im afraid to leave. I know I would be happier if I were gone, but I believe it isnt right in my heart.

Answer 8

You have to pull the strength from inside you, but while you are doing that be smart, start hiding money and taking things out little by little that you want or need. Don't leave broke or empty handed especially if you have children. Put back and put back till you have what you need to start your life over.

Good luck

Answer 9

I have done it 4 times. The first time is was really hard, after the 3rd it was a piece of cake. All I can say is that you will have the strength when it comes time to leave, and only you will know when that time comes. Good luck.

Answer 10

It's the hardest thing you will do BUT I think that your lack of affection and interest are telling signs for your husband that there is something wrong. Maybe you could see a counselor to help figure things out or how to broach the subject. Good luck...

Answer 11

look.. sory you have to decide what is right and how you feel. if you want to spend the rest of your life misserable and feeling like you have to stay im sorry but you are cheating your life away. but hey the saying goes im miserable with him and miserable without him. but would you rather be miserable for for about a month or 10 years from now??? but its always for the better if the thoughts have ran threw your mind. you can do it you have to swallow your pride and fears and stick to your guns. i promise in about a couple months you will feel a great weight lifted off your shoulders