am i wrong for wanting to be with a girl?

Question

look im 30 i have 4 kids and im married not happy in my marriege but i do love him and my kids but since i was young i liked females to but noone knows but my sis and bestfriend but i just want opinions i know im wrong but he says if i like wemon to go ahead as long as its not a man but dont do it in his face so do u think i can love him and another women?

Answer 1

No, you are not wrong to want to be with a woman; you are wrong to act on it while you're married, though. To act upon that desire would be a violation of the sacred vow you took.

By the way, this statement is coming from a man who allegedly threatens the very existence of "traditional" marriage because he is married to another man.

Answer 2

Right or wrong has nothing to do with it. You feel what you feel. The question is, do you want to ACT on what you feel, and is is a strong enough need in you to deal with any potential consequences.

Around age 30 is when most women really start to evaluate their lives and the decisions that they have made so far. It is actually pretty common for women to come out at this point.

There are a number of Yahoo Groups that you may want to explore. Search out things like married lesbians, marriedbisexuals or whatever way you identify so that you may find a support base. There are also groups for mixed-orientation couples, as your husband may need some support as well. A lot of men take it as a hit against their manhood if their women like women.

You do need to be honest with your husband about this. Whether you are in a straight or gay relationship, there is some serious talking needed if you feel like you need/want to step outside of the relationship. It's only fair. There are also marriage counselors that can deal with this specific type of situation. Some couples choose to stay together, and some couples don't. Counseling can help in either case.

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Wow, this is a touchy subject. Under most circumstances I would say that it is fine to be with another woman. However, you are in a relationship with you husband, who you've said you care about, and you have 4 children with this man. I think you should determine if you are gay or merely bi-sexual. If you have a hard time enjoying the sex that you and your husband have, you might be gay rather than bi. However, if you do enjoy it, you may very well be bi, in which case you might be able to ignore your gay feelings for the sake of your family. If you are gay, however you should let your husband know that while you love him, you are gay and don't have the same sexual feelings for him that you do for other women. If this is the case your marriage may ultimately end in divorce, but that would be the best for both you and your husband. I wish I could give you a more positive answer, but I think that this is the best advice I can give.

Answer 4

I fully agree with Young Master Bigballer. You are married. If you decide to "be" with another woman you're cheating on your husband. Even if he does say "go ahead" which you've indicated he has, this could eventually come back to bite you in the end. Besides, how are you going to explain it to the children? I'm not a prude...I've been married for 25 years to the same wonderful woman...but I just have this thing about infidelity.

Answer 5

Whether or not people want to admit it everyone has homosexual tendencies. I personally, don't think it is OK to act on them. You need to think of your kids and the confusion this is gonna bring to them. Even if you think you can hide it well, children are a lot smarter and perceptive than we adults want to give them credit for. I think with you being in an unhappy marriage you are just looking for that emotional relationship that a woman would bring to the equation. I think you should try seeking counseling before you make any life changing decisions

Answer 6

no there is nothing wrong with that! females have a sex appeal that attract men and women. Don't let anything interfere with your marriage and it is wrong to cheat.But i believe as long as you don't get caught and you still take care of your home its OK.Honestly the happiest marriages lasted because both have a understanding, after being married for so long both of you want other people but its a unspoken agreement that you shouldn't let that interfere with home.I believe that you are just curious and want to know what it feels like/ trust me it's nothing that a man can't do.I love men but I like the feel of a women at times.

Answer 7

Any relationship, lesbian or otherwise, outside of marriage is adultery, plain and simple. If you're willing to accept that, I say go for it, because I have to problems with same-sex relationships. But you should think on the effects of the people you love before entering another relationship. Cheating with a woman is still cheating.

Answer 8

If you can't help it then how can you be wrong? As for loving him and another women... you could but maybe you love him because you've been with him for so long and have kids with him but really want to be with a women. Maybe you could feel like you could love them both but they might not feel the same way and may want them to yourself.

Answer 9

There is nothing wrong with being a lesbian or bi, but it is wrong to cheat on your husband. To love or to touch another human being is cheating. It's just not fair to his heart. Get a divorce if you aren't happy. Or try counseling. Maybe have occasional threesomes. Children do not want to grow up in a home built on sadness or deceit.

Answer 10

Even though his telling you its okay, its really not okay. Marriage should be sacred and valued. Try to figure out why your not happy in your marriage first. A women won't make your problems go away, instead it'll progressively get worst! You obviously love him and a marriage is worth saving, especially if he's a good guy.