How can I convince my mom that a home birth is safe?

Question

Every day since I told my mother about my plan to have a waterbirth at my home with a midwife instead of a hospital birth, she has tried to talk me out of it. She is not being at all supportive. How can I ease her fears & get her off my back!?

Answer 1

You will probably never convince her, all the stats in the world will not quell the fears of someone who is fearful of birth. They cling to the 'what ifs'.

Birth at home is by and far the safest way to have a baby, first or twentieth baby-if you are attended by a trained attendant, which you are.

Pass on some information to her to read, your midwife will probably have some lit for you to give your mother, then just get on with it...it is important to have people respect and support your decision. It is not helpful for people to nag and tell you you are going to cause harm to your baby. Explain to your mom that you are enforcing a good vibe only policy :) then stick to it. For example :
Mom- why would you put your baby at risk?
You- I'm sorry you feel that way...isn't the weather beautiful today?
Mom- Your aunt's neighbor's friend's bosses cousin's grandmother had her baby at home and it died.
You- I'm sorry to hear that..did you see how cute strollers are?

After a while she will get the idea that you are not willing to engage in that without having to be unpleasant about it. Some women enlist their partners to run interference with unhelpful but well meaning relatives and friends...a "we have thought this through and have made a decision we are happy with and your comments are upsetting to my partner and you will need to stop" may work.

All the best to you...a water birth at home is the nicest possible way to bring a baby into your family.

Answer 2

I think have a waterbirth with a midwife is cool but I think you should do it in a hospital. Most hospitals allow you to give birth the way you see fit unless it will jepodize the mother, the baby, or both. I would call up the hospitals in your area and see what they will let you do. I don't think, unless your midwife says its ok and she has had enough expreince to handle any situation that may come, you should try to have the baby at home. To ease your mother's fears get info from your midwife and even have her to talk to your mother and she will be able to answer all of you mothers questions and concerns. Good luck.

Answer 3

Oh honey.....I hear you! I'm so sorry that your mom is trying to nag you into doing what makes HER comfortable!

That's why I never told my mom we were having a homebirth until after my third child was born. I knew how she'd react and didn't want to deal with the stress. We just let her believe that we were going to the same freestanding birth center we used with baby #2. (She freaked over that so I figured a homebirth would be even worse in her eyes.)

Unfortunately, your mom already knows so I guess not telling her isn't gonna solve the problem!

Would she go to a midwife appointment with you and ask questions to get herself better educated about midwives and homebirth? Maybe that would help lessen her fears? Make sure your midwife discusses what would risk you out of a homebirth, how a transfer would happen, back up doctors, etc. I know my midwives offered to do this for me.

Let her know that you have done the reasearch and made the decision and that she isn't going to influence you to change her mind. Tell her that you understand that she is worried about HER baby (you!) but you're grown up now and you feel that this is the best choice for YOU and YOUR family. Her being nagging and unsupportive is only going to stress you out, which isn't good for you or for the baby.

Let her know that you wouldn't do anything that would put the baby or you at risk. Explain to her why you want a homebirth and what helped you to understand how safe it is for a healthy mom and baby.

Share studies that have been done on the safety of homebirth with her. (I bet your MW can give you some links for that!)

Tell her that you know she did what she felt was right for her and her babies when she was the mom, but now YOU are the mom and you need to be allowed to have the freedom to make your own decisions just like she did. Let her know that, as you begin your journey as a mom, there may be many things that you do differently than she did but that DOES NOT mean that you love or respect her any less because you make different choices.

TO THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE BEING UNSUPPORTIVE AND TRYING TO SAY IT'S UNSAFE:

The countries that have the BEST mother and baby outcomes are ones where midwife care and homebirth are THE NORM. Have you seen how low the USA usually rates in these studies? VERY LOW ON THE LIST for an industrialized nation.

Honestly, I bet those of you being critical have done very little reading or studying about homebirth.

The death rates a long time ago were greatly affected by 1. hygeine and 2. nutrition and 3. access to anitbiotics.

A midwife WILL NOT allow a mom who is not healthy to birth at home. She will insist on a hospital transfer or may even risk the mother out of midwifery care before labor ever comes. Midwives are WELL TRAINED and RESPONSIBLE and caring and get to know their mothers far better than the majority of doctors out there.

Most hospitals DO NOT "let you give birth the way you want" either. They all have red tape and rules about what they will allow and what they will require. Many WILL NOT let you birth in water, only LABOR in water.

ALSO WANTED TO ADD SOMETHING I FORGOT:
I don't know what your mom's birthing experiences were like, but my mom's were bad. (I was a premie in the hospital for a month and my baby bro died 5 hours after he was born. Both emergency c/s.) Make sure that she understands that you are NOT fated to relive her births if she had bad experiences. EVERY birth is different, even for the same woman!

Answer 4

First, I understand your mom's feelings. YOU are her child, no matter how old you are! Instinct is to protect her child and her grandchild. Try to be forgiving of that. She loves you.

Second, I work with Ob's and a Midwife. This midwife does not recommend home births only because of the risk of complications. All though, if your midwife is licensed with the state and has privilege's at your hospital, that is a definite plus. But, also keep in mind that your lil' one will need the appropriate shots and looking over within the first 72 of life.

But......heaven forbid you have an experience like mine with my second child. The pregnancy was great, labor was fine until something went wrong, my water broke full of marconium (sp), babies poop. He inhaled and swallowed it and they lost his heartbeat. I had to have a emergency csection NOW...not in 10 minutes. They got him out and he had to be respirated for 5 minutes. He's a beautiful 2.5 year old now.

You may feel strongly about your home water birth, but if you haven't yet, check with your local hospitals and birthing centers to see if they have water births available. That way everyone gets what they want...A safe and health mom and baby!

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Well I know that most of the time it turns out fine, but if I had had an at home birth I could have died. I had a peice of the placenta retained inside of me and I hemmoraged all over, and I passed out. My doctor told me this is why he's against home births, because you never know what can happen. I had a normal and healthy pregnancy and no one could have foreseen what happened. I really feel that it is so much safer to have the baby in the hospital, just in case. Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

Answer 6

Is this your first birth? If it isn't, and all your previous births went without any complications then your fine.

But if this is your first birth, the fear is of the unexpected. The midwife is not able to preform a emergency c-section on your dining room table.

That being said....explain to your mom the choices you have made and why. Have her understand that you are making the most educated decision about your own body and you hope she supports you in that.

Good luck and take care of yourself

Answer 7

You say you have a midwife, let her talk directly with your midwife. Invite her to attend your visits with the midwife and probably one of THE most important thing is statistics. Provide her with statistics of home birth safety, etc. Patient satisfaction, baby safety, etc.

I envy you!!! I wanted to do the water birth over 30 years ago and of course everyone thought I was C R A Z EE!!!
Good Luck to you and your family!!!!

Answer 8

Well, my mom had me and my brother at home. With no help from a midwife, just my dad. I am find and so is my brother.
Tell her people go into labor so fast anyways that they have a perfect healthy baby. And if they by chance any problems that you would go.
Hospitals are so overrated anyways.

Answer 9

Your Mom can't tell you what to do now, your having a baby, too late! Do it your way and after the fact she will see. Midwives are awesome, I hope she at least trusts in the mid wife!!! Show her these replies, they should help. Also having the car gassed up in case of an emergency is always good for plan B.

Answer 10

Why don't you ask the midwife to talk to her....Get all the info you can and have Mom read it......I think having your baby at home is a great idea......I think the more she can learn about it, the better she will feel about it.....Good Luck