I want to get officially engaged!?

Question

We just had a baby.....and know we are going to get married in about a year or less. But he never officially came out and asked me to marry him. I really want this with a ring and everything, so it feels real. I told him I was gonna go out and buy a ring myself.....so it can be more of a reality. He said not to.....but still no proposal or ring. What kinda hurts is he proposed to an old girlfriend years ago in a very romantic way. They were at a restaurant and he stood up and said he had an announcement to make. He then proposed to her in front of everyone and gave her a ring. We are definatly getting married, so should I just buy my own ring????

Answer 1

Don't. Trust him to love you and to know that you really want this. Men are funny at baby time, they worry about supporting the family and are not likely to splurge on luxuries at this moment - unless you are well off, and even then - it affects them all (it's their pregnancy psychosis, as it were).

If he has told you don't, my guess is he is planning something for you already. Please be patient.

If you want something to do, try visualization. Try to picture it in your mind (not the actual asking, because that will only end in disappointment) the thrill and emotion of such a tender display of love and commitment. Your gratitude for him that he did take the time to plan it and the relief you get from knowing you did not miss this special moment in your lives. See yourself happy and engaged with a ring and a romantic husband. Then all you have to do is stay out of your own way and let it happen.

Peace and blessings to you and your family!

Answer 2

Jeez, you know how many other girls have babies with their boyfriends, thinking that this is as good as marriage. Then since they're living together and they made a child, he becomes known as her fiance. Then five years down the line she's still wondering why he won't propose.
If making a baby with you isn't enough of an incentive for him to commit, I don't know what you think will be. He'll tell you he's commited, but then why doesn't he put his money where his mouth is. Why should he be afraid to put his word on paper if he intends to spend his life with you and raise the child with you?

If you could step outside of yourself and read your question objectively, you would see that you are being taken and are trying to fix the situation by insisting that you are definitely getting married and now you want to buy the ring he's supposed to buy you so that you can pretend that you really are engaged.

I mean this post not just for you but for the thousands of girls in the same position as you are, who have become convinced that having a boyfriend who says he will marry you is the same as being married. Except that most of them end up years later with no marriage, no boyfriend, but a kid or two, who get to grow up without both parents. Then maybe after a while you find another man, maybe one who actually will marry you and then the lucky guy gets to raise this other guys kid(s).

I could rant another two or three paragraphs, but I won't.

********************************************

Right out of today's Dear Abby:

DEAR ABBY: I need some help. The guy I live with, "Arnold," doesn't want to get married, but I do. We have been together for 19 years. What should I do?

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/index.html?uc_full_date=20060727

Answer 3

Let me see if i got this, you had one kid from the first marriage and one from a boyfriend your not married to. You were irresponsible and choose not to use some type of birth control and had another baby. Now you want to marry daddy #2. Well looks like you going to have to do everything, that means buying your own ring.

Answer 4

if he said no, then just wait a bit more..you dont buy an engagement ring just because you want to wear one..lol..maybe he's just waiting for the right moment to really propose or thinking something different to propose to you without you thinking of his previous proposal.no comparison here, k..he's with you now, you have his baby..you're assured that you're going to marry, so either formally or informally, dont fuss too much about the engagement ring..look at the baby you have..i think you dont need an engagement ring for that..rings are just rings..they're superficial...go after the wedding ring if you really want a ring..lol..its'a symbol of your vows..what's improtant here is your lvoe for each other, your family and the forthcoming wedding :)

Answer 5

No and be very careful. Sounds like he may be "not into commitment". How did the other engagement end? Did they end it because of differences or did she end it because of broken promises? Ask now before it is any later. He may be having you hang on while he still looks around, you know-just in case he finds someone. Commitment fear can come from problems at home at an earlier age also. Be careful because you have to provide a stable environment for a baby now. Best wishes.

Answer 6

a hoop is a sentimental custom - not greater, no much less. that's no longer "needed" in a pragmatic sense. My feeling approximately engagement is that as quickly as you place a date and start up making plans the marriage (despite if massive or small) - it is the factor at which you're somewhat "engaged". My husband and that i had regular one yet another for only over a 300 and sixty 5 days by using the time we desperate to get married. there became no "theory" or something, we only made a variety to set a date and get married (after having lived at the same time for a 300 and sixty 5 days); we've been given married 4 months after making this determination. quicker or later, we did circulate out and get a hoop that we referred to as an "engagement ring", in spite of the actual undeniable fact that it became only a hoop i in my view liked (blue topaz, my well-liked stone). it particularly is as much as the couple as to how the completed engagement enterprise is dealt with. in case you sense which you're arranged for the subsequent step, only communicate on your b/f and ask him if he would choose to set a date. Then start up determining how and the place you will choose to get married. that's that straightforward.

Answer 7

i hope your not talking about the guy in the picture with you.cause girl you can do much better.i think he is only with you for the kids sake.if he had any real emotions for your feelings he would have married you before the birth.now it will be one bastard raising another.he doesn't want to give you or have you buy a ring yourself cause he is probably having an affair.what did the old girlfriend say.if it was no,it should make you wonder what the heck is wrong with him.but hey that is just my opinion.good luck with your life.

Answer 8

No let it be special and try to be patient just be careful because saying that your definitely getting married might scare him off.............also the ring is supposed to be special and from him it's not as special when you buy it for yourself. If you need to feel like your engaged and can't wait go to Wal mart and buy one of those 10.00 cubic zirconium rings that are fake. Just remember he is with you and if you buy it yourself it's not as special and if he buy's it your will alway have the memory of him picking it out.

Answer 9

No, you need to sit down and tell him he's hurting you by not proposing. Tell him it's something you need him to do and if he really loves you he'll do it. If he backpedals or argues, insist on a separation. Let him know you can't go on with this relationship without him making the kind of effort he did for the woman that DIDN'T have his child.

Answer 10

just wait
maybe he will surprise you
maybe he is waiting till you have forgotten abou tit or something
if you really want one and didnt get one i would wait and get one yourself only after you get married
focus on how much you love eachother and the baby that is abou tto come

just be patient... you have obviously told him you would like one... maybe just remind him once more and tell him that this is the last time you will bring it up... but hopefully he can see the importance of what it means to you
dont bring up his ex... no relevance at all as he is with you and not her

all i can recommend if forget about it and wait and see

have fun with the wedding and baby