Iam 15yr of marriage but i have a problem I have discoverd my husband had an affair and when ever we have sex i cant come and i dont even get horney anymore so please i need an advise quick i dont know if i should tell him or to leave him because i cant handdel this any more..
2006-07-27 15:27:39 · 20 answers · asked by sexxy mamma 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like your husband's affair might have turned you off a bit. My husband cheated on me and I know my sex drive dropped dramatically because of it. We are now getting a divorce. You might feel like maybe you come in second place with him or something...that's how I felt. I think you should talk to him about it. It's always best to have communication in times like these. If you don't feel like your issues with the affair can be worked out, I would let him go because if he's done it once, there's always that possibility that it happened more than that or will happen again in the future and you shouldn't have to be in that kind of position. I hope my advice helps...good luck with your decision!
2006-07-27 15:37:55 · answer #1 · answered by ♫Joshua's~♥~Girl♫ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well honey i think that you should have left as soon as you found out about this all you will do now for the time that you stay with him is worry that he is having another affair so whenever you are having sex it will not be right for him either so he will start looking for someone with a sex drive to satisfy his needs while you are home worried about where he is at not a good thing to have going on the marrige is all but over find someone who will fulfill your needs and yes you should just tell him how you feel about it but i still don't know if you will ever get past the affair because it really is something you just cannot forget i myself could not and would have been long gone and found someone new hope it works out for you honey Robert
2006-07-27 15:44:29 · answer #2 · answered by ROBERT 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your troubles. You need to talk with him as soon as possible when you both are sober and calm and clear up the issues blocking your happiness. Talk to him as husband and wife, committed to saving the relationship. One thing is to get him to confirm or deny the affair, because your health is at risk if he did not use condoms. Perhaps you both should go get a check-up to be sure, because many of the sexually transmitted diseases leave no signs until the damage has been done. Your loss of trust and suspicion are hinged to this episode and if you can deal with it now, I suspect you will be able to relax again and enjoy sex like you used to. Once you get past the hurt, try to fall in love with him again and revitalize the marriage.
2006-07-27 15:43:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand... been there, done that. I think my mate is having an affair right now and it makes me feel sick. He swears he isn't but all the signs are there. Whenever he touches me I wonder if he is touching someone else the same way. It shuts me down and I freeze up. I'm not a prude or anything, but I cannot be as intimate with someone as I would like to be when I think he been putting it somewhere else. Some of us are funny like that. I need to be special to my mate and that means me and only me. If I don't have that, then to me I don't have anything. Maybe you are a little like that. I am like you, I cannot warm up to a man who has cheated on me. Whatever we had that was special, is destroyed.
2006-07-27 15:47:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand your frustration with this matter. Sex is unfulfilling because of his affair that he had, and now emotionally you feel as if he has left you. Sex is so much more for women than just an act like it is sometimes for men. Sounds like you have lost some respect for him, and that has to be earned back in order for this marriage to work out sexually. If I were you I would just let him know how you feel because he should understand that it has something to do with what he has done to you emotionally. This is one of the consequences of his actions and you have some healing left to do. You won't be able to climax with him until your mentally and emotionally on a respectable level with him.
2006-07-27 15:42:13 · answer #5 · answered by TiaLee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well its not like you or he is doing something wrong. Perhaps you need to try something different. For example, he sends you an email pretending he's your secret admirer, then you have this online romance for a few days. Then he finaly emails you asking you out, but doesnt tell you where but gives you directions, like the amazing race, and lets say dinner with him will be at the pit stop. Perhaps you need to watch a dirty movie together? Perhaps you need to write down your wildest fantasy, and he does as well. Then act them out. What you are asking here is the re-kindling of the spark so to speak.
2006-07-27 15:43:45 · answer #6 · answered by Gilligan W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get some counciling. decide if your going to stay or leave. Ask yourself if you are better off with him or without him. Maybe you should try a trial seperation for a while and see what answers you can come up with. as far as your sex life goes, your partner violated your trust and you can know longer trust him so you have shut down your emotions toward him. If this trust can not be reestablished you will most likly have a hard time staying with him.
2006-07-27 16:05:46 · answer #7 · answered by stanley c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have suffered greatly at his disloyalty. You appear deeply hurt which is affecting your performance and can no longer give of yourself which is a two way trust street in love and marriage. It is going to be hard for him to regain your personal spiritual (perhaps religious) love and trust. I would approach my clergyman or seek professional counseling. You don't need to carry this dent forever, you must find an avenue of happiness or a comfort zone for your own peace of mind and spiritual, well spiritual peace. Take care and God bless.
2006-07-27 15:42:55 · answer #8 · answered by KonSengWon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you need to work on falling in love with this guy all over again. Perhaps the love feeling was lost due to the affair.
2006-07-27 16:33:24 · answer #9 · answered by devotionalservice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to get over an affair. I wish that it got easier but it doesn't. It will always be in the back of your mind! I'm sorry that you have to live with it.
2006-07-27 15:38:14 · answer #10 · answered by Dana J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋