i kno it's kinda dark, but i wrote it in the psych ward so it'd be fake if it was all happy. it's just honest. but besides the depressing nature, what do you think of it as a poem?
"Surrounded by the cold and lonely
Hospital walls.
Trying to escape the pain.
My cries echo throughout the dark and
Empty halls.
No one can here me,
No one is there.
The fact that no one’s listening,
Is more than I can bear.
I have nothing I can gain,
Nothing left to lose.
Even with all the choices in life,
It seems there’s nothing I can choose.
My life has hit a dead-end,
There’s no where I can turn.
every time I try to move,
My body aches from every burn.
I hate the feeling of being completely
Deserted.
This hell-hole,
This purgatory,
Which we call the world;
Is twisted.
F*cked up.
Completely perverted."
2006-07-27 14:54:57 · 11 answers · asked by lifeistough_period 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Visual Arts ➔ Other - Visual Arts
if this is really how you feel then that is sad :(
2006-07-27 14:59:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's awesome. Love it!
Kinda makes me remember a poem I wrote when I was younger about me being like barbed wire and life was a pair of nylon tights that I wanted to slip through but I kept getting caught.
2006-07-27 15:23:44 · answer #2 · answered by Confusion With a K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For a fourteen twelve months-previous, it is pretty solid. i imagine per chance you should hardship a lot less about making it rhyme and extra about looking the precise be conscious you want to make your factor. and that i wish you'll proceed to jot down, and varnish your craft. i imagine many large artworks are born out of suffering. regardless of the very undeniable actuality that no longer all large artists conflict through, and under no circumstances all victims produce large paintings.
2016-10-15 07:04:46 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not terrible, especially for such a young age, but you could tidy it up some; swear words in poetry rarely work, and it sticks out here as cliche; try a different adjective.
Good luck!
2006-07-27 15:00:14 · answer #4 · answered by taishar68 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son has been writing poetry like this for a long time. What you've written is really not that bad. However, there are virtually no markets for poetry, anywhere. Too bad.
2006-07-27 15:08:39 · answer #5 · answered by correrafan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's all good, except for the end! The end is kinda, hmmmm should I say, MESSED UP! It would be wonderful if you fixed the end! Good Luck!
2006-07-27 14:59:18 · answer #6 · answered by Caitlin S. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it your pain can be felt. i pray you don't have that kinda pain anymore. i wrote a similar peom when i was 14 now i'm almost fifty and i know longer have that pain . annd i can talk about it with no pain. when i found JESUS HE took my pain and gave me joy so please give HIM a try HE's waiting for you and loves you very much . read john 3;16
2006-07-27 15:05:17 · answer #7 · answered by lefftylucy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummmmmmmmmm thats sad. Hopefully you have let Jesus in your heart, and get passed this.
2006-07-27 14:59:26 · answer #8 · answered by Moose 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it, go to poerty.com and publish it, (It's free)
so no one can steal your work.
while your there check out one of my poems.
Its kinda dark as well,here's the link for my poem:
http://www.poetry.com/Publications/display.asp?ID=P3999670&BN=999&PN=2
write to me and ill tell ya the pros and cons of poetry.com
2006-07-27 15:00:55 · answer #9 · answered by Rock N Roll Saved My Soul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if its ok with you i would like to borrow it for my band, if we go rich through it i'll give you 2 million dollars
2006-07-27 17:45:20 · answer #10 · answered by jointhedots610 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really love it, interesting :)
2006-07-27 14:59:44 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋