what would you say to a man who has been cheated on and hadhis child takn by his ex's how can i help him cope

Question

my bf has had some very bad relationship's before me I love him with all my hreat and would never do anything to hurt him ever, but sometimes he has problems looking past what other women have done to him, he was in the hospital and found out his (ex)wife was cheating on him the whole time (3-4months), before that not only did the mother of his daughter cheat on him and had a child with another man when she found out she was pregnat she left the state with his child
I have been with him for over 3-4 years now and i would never harm him in any way but he say's he can't believe me cause he has heard them say the same. But what i say is true I love him with all my heart and soul and feel he is my soulmate but he cant get over what has happened to him before and now sometimes it feels our relationship suffers for what others have done to him. I plan on standing by him thur thick and thin. Is their anything i can do or say to make him truely trust me.

Answer 1

Sounds like you really do love this guy and mean it when you say, you love him. But, he still needs to work out some of the past hurt he lived through. This can only come from within himself. He may need to do some reading or pyschology sessions. In time his pain will heal, but reassure him you are there for him, and want only the best for him.

He may need to do some soul searching, and maybe counseling. You can do it together. If you can't afford that, try some books, there are so many out there just for couples. John Grey is well know for his relationship books. And, if that doesn't work, look on the web for a program called, "Retrovais", not sure if I spelled it right, it's a program I attended when I had marital problems, but I think couples can go. It's low cost help for couples who need it, and you only have to make a donation. Retrovais, means new beggining in French.


Good luck!

Answer 2

All you can do is be trustworthy. Show this man that you are able to be trusted. Continue to do all the things you are doing. Tell him you love him. Don't lie about a single thing. Even the smallest indescretion (except presents or things like that) will be regarded as a huge breech. When a person has been hurt as much as he has, the only way to help them learn trust is to be trusting and give him no reason not to trust you. He isn't going to put trust in you easily and there may come a time when you realize the relationship isn't healthy for you. A person can only hold their past against you so long. You should only give it another year and if you've still been steady and honest and trustworthy and he still holds his past against you, you're going to have to let go. If there isn't trust in a relationship, you are bound to fail.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Just keep doing what you are doing and be there for him its going to take a long time i am in a similar situation with my ex wife and i know how he feels and it is very hard for a man that has been screwed over like that to get past the fact that it happened i have not had any good relationships since this has happened to me he is lucky to have a woman like you fighitng to be by his side keep it up and be there for him is all you can do

Answer 4

After 3-4yrs, you certainly do love him!! That is a long time for him to still be untrusting of you!
There is nothing you can say or do for or to this man to MAKE him trust you or completely open up to you; in fact, he may even try to push you away, pick fights on purpose so he can leave or just break it off all together real fast just to avoid another scar on his heart!

I KNOW how he feels, and I KNOW how you feel!! Since it has been a while, you need to reevaluate this relationship. It could be, @ this point, he's just telling you that so you will feel like you HAVE to stay just to prove him wrong or out of fear of breaking his heart like the rest!! Let him know, "your continuous mistrust is beginning to push me away...." and he'll probably go on "I told you...." Just let him and tell him, " I do love you, I do want you, I want to be the one to make you happy, but you HAVE TO LET ME!!"

Your relationship does not suffer for what other's have done to him; it suffers because of his own fear, and unwillingness to forgive them and truely move on!! Also, there are two side to every story, why did they leave him??

Let him know by your actions you are trustworthy and worth holding onto. if he still doesn't trust in the next 6mo. let him know that since he is unwilling to see past his past relationship hurts, then he doesn't even deserve your future!!

Answer 5

There is absolutely nothing you can say to this man that would put his life on the right track. He needs to get some counseling to go through his baggage piece by piece and deal with it. Unfortunately the relationship he has with you may be holding him back from fixing his life and going forward. Love isn't always enough.

Answer 6

question...........if she was cheating the whole time how is he sure that's his child? That might be the very reason she left(because he isn't the father)

answer to ur question......just be there for him support him 100%, stick by him through thick in thin. Remember love is better expressed through actions than words.

Answer 7

no, i'm afraid theres no words that can heal...only time and your reassuring him your there for him. but don't delve on the subject. lifes too short. try not to put yourself in a position where he can question your love or faithfullness. trust is everything in a relationship. and it ain't easy either.

Answer 8

You can't change the way he feels. He was really screwed over. Time will eventually heal him. I actually do commend you for wanting to stick with him

Answer 9

You could tattoo his name on yourself. That should mean a lot to him if I understand correctly.