another poem!!!?

Question

Secret Medow

Lilys line the path i take
by the lilacs i awake

Roses and daisies in my hair
I braid them for the crown i wear

My medow is so dear to me
for it allways fills me up with glee

Those flowers are my sanctruary
They make me feel light and airy

In that garden i never feel alone
But sometimes i fear i shall never go home.

Answer 1

Are you published yet? I really mean it, it's quite pretty! I especially like the second verse, "Roses and daisies in my hair, I braid them for the crown I wear."

Answer 2

Try working the rhythm a bit. Sometimes chanting a poem in rhythm with a good song will show you where the rhythm is off:

**************************************
Secret Meadow

Lilies line the path I take
among the lilacs, I awake

Roses, daisies in my hair
I braided for the crown I wear

Meadows are so dear to me
swaying sweet and fragrant glee

Flowers are my sanctuary
make me feel so light and airy

In that garden, never alone
but fearing I will never go home

****************************************


Rhythm is SO hard at first and then becomes lyrical, musical, and natural. I hope I didn't insult you -- I hope I helped, since I do like the concept and the passion...

Answer 3

this poem is really really juveline and bad.

Answer 4

really nice have to say . keep it up!!