Once a Cheater ALWAYS a cheater??

Question

My boyfreind and i have lived together for about 6 months were planning on getting married as soon as he got hired on at his job and got the insurance...well we just got the internet last friday and he had logged into my old screen name i had made when i was about 17 he started freaking out cause there was all these guys and stuff on there so we decided that we would just use his screen name and not mine anymore since he gets on yahoo i put up the message archieve sign so i could read what we write to whoever whenever well last night i got online and he had messeged some girl the messege wasnt bad just asl what s up what are you doing exc? but i got mad cause when we agreed to get this he said that he was just doing it so he could talk to his freind that was going to iraq and so we could look stuff up? do you think hes being a cheater and i should dump him or im just being way over the line with this???

I am 21 and most of the time i do trust him but last night he didnt even give me a kiss goodnight he hasnt even kissed me since like 2 days ago!! and then yesterday he popped off oh lets not have sex until you go to the doctor cause ive been sick...wtf i dont know!!!

Answer 1

This is hard evidence that both of you need to really do some serious review if either of you are ready for marriage.
Both you, and he are acting quite immature for two people who are in adult relationship. This does not mean your acting like adults...
First, if you BOTH are secure in your feeling for each other, the issue of "old friends, male or female" would NOT BE AN ISSUE.
For him to be upset that your old e/mail was still being used by old boyfriends, or even friends should not be a threat. The fact that it was says quite a bit and goes along way towards supporting insecurity and immaturity.
That is just plain ridiculous. If he was secure then he would not have a DAMN THING TO WORRY ABOUT... So, why do you think he is insecure? You have to look at yourself AND then to him to answer that question.
For you to react the way you did, your equally out of line. Again, why are you so insecure in your relationship. If you believed he loved you and vice versa, what are either of you worried about?
If you love someone, really LOVE THEM, you don't bail out when the going gets tough. The statement, "should I dump him" is classic of someone who doesn't have a clue about what MARRIAGE really is.
Both of you need to quit playing house, grow up a little, make sure you are READY AND WANT TO BE MARRIED, and are ready to make the sacrifices that go with it before you both end up married and divorced within a few yrs.
Marriage is not something that is simply a commodity, to have and hold while the profits are up and then just throw away because something isn't working, or it no longer goes the way anyone planned.
Your both young and still exploring what is important to you in terms of a mate. You both need to be sure what you want in a long term commitment, and this sounds like BOTH OF YOU, don't exactly know for certain yet. You both have time, take it. Be single, have fun, date, experience life as a single adult, and stop trying to force yourself into something your obviously not ready for.
It's ok... what the hell is the hurry anyway? Think about it....
If both of you are really ready for marriage, really want to spend the rest of your lives together as man and wife, then what's a few more years? If you got married say today, you would still be together in 3 yrs... Wouldn't you? Your going to say, "of course", we would be.... Not so sure are you?
That should tell you BOTH something. That maybe, just maybe the whole marriage bit may just be a little premature in your lives right now. So what if you and he decided not to get married, or even decided not to live together, who cares what your friends say, their not the ones who are pretending or who will suffer the consequences, now are they.
If this relationship is secure, prove it...

Good luck kid, I think if you answer these questions honestly, you both will make the right decision.
Two or three years from now... who knows..

Answer 2

You need to pick a time when you're both cool, calm, and collected and make this an "I" conversation. Not "you" said or "you" did or "you" should have or "you" anything. Tell him exactly how you feel (keep in mind, use I about the whole thing). Tell him what you had thought the agreement meant. Tell him it makes you feel uncertain about things. And tell him that "I love you or think the world of you" or whatever....and that you'd like to know where you stand in this relationship, where the person he linked with stands, and where he sees this relationship going. Then you can both build on that together. I don't know about the "cheating" issue..... but tell him how intense knowing about this made you feel.... Give him time to communicate inbetween things you say. Don't just ramble off everything at once. This communication will tell you alot about you, about him, and about the two of you together... Keep your ears open and REALLY listen to what he has to say. Watch his eyes...does he look you in the eye? Does he seem pretty relaxed or rigid? Does he seem to fidgit around or not? Watch the body language while you're talking to him and while he's talking to you. Sometimes that says more than words.... Good luck! Take care! And wait for some real communication time before you make any hasty decisions about anything! You may be talking yourself into something way, way off base.... or you may have hit the nail on the head... but at this point, it's apparent that you don't know yet. Do the communication, listen, and watch. Then see how you feel and what your brain tells you...as well as your heart.

Answer 3

A mess indeed. I think you should show him what you just wrote and talk about these issues.Reading this, I see a lot of "mad."

Maybe he is upset you don't trust him. He is mad that you are mad at him..it could be anything.

Why on earth is "Cheating" the first thing that comes to people's minds here, at Yahoo Answers, not necessarily this question.???

If someone is cheating that means they are not happy with the relationship and the relationship should not be.

Some guys and gals, think, "Well, I'm being accused of cheating, I might as well do it"

Communication people. Talk to your sig other. If you are no good at discussing how you are feeling verbally, then write him/her a letter, but get your thoughts and fears out in the open where they can be talked about. If they are allowed to molder in your head, they will start to grow and morph into something vile
.

Answer 4

Please do not take this the wrong way. But how old are you? and how old is he?


I myself have jealousy issues and everything. HE had the right to not want to use your screen name from when you were 17. But there is a thing called privacy. You both should have your own screen names that only you know the passcode to and he knows only the passcode to his. Also if you want to share a screen name or what not than make up a shared account and stuff.

As far as cheating. it depends. Ask him about it, it is the best thing to do. Do not be too confrontational about it or make it like you are accusing him of cheating even if you are. Do not be condensending either. Just ask him what was up with it. Also maybe also ask if it is ok to have his conversations archived. And maybe it was a screen name he thought he knew.

Hey I found out some new info on my guy that HE never told me, pertaining to a girl he used to like. he did lie..

your guy seems to be harmless..


just ask..

Answer 5

a little over reacting could be just what he says and I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater. I had cheated before and never cheated after that
don't leave just quite yet hold on to it if this the only reason for a split .
If more stuff happens then think about packing up and moving on
love never comes easy it is always a fight to stay together

good and bad

Answer 6

I think you are being way over the line because it is just online most people who meet online dont actually meet in person. You have to have faith in him. Think about this has he ever cheated on you before if not then why would he start now. Also if he had something to hid why would you know the password for his username or why would he use the username that both of you use. Just think about what is in your heart and if you feel like he is cheating go with it because a woman can feel it if it is true. And if you dont feel it then maybe you are just trippin.

Answer 7

People continually say this, however I do not consider it. I consider it will depend on the phases of intimacy, dedication, and ardour in a courting. If each companions are convinced and completely satisfied for the duration of the period of the connection, then a beyond cheater will also be trustworthy. I do, nonetheless, consider that its extremely complicated for a courting to make a comeback after any individual has cheated.

Answer 8

Oh hell yes! I was faced with about the exact same situation only I am the guy and yes, yes, yes, I was trying to figure out a way to sneak around and keep my booty girl yet keep expanding my horizons if you know what I mean and I think you do. I told her I would marry her and ANYTHING else I could to keep her on the string. My advice, if he won't acknowledge your feelings and change to please you as best he can, then he is continuing to lie and cheat and he always will. Hey, talk to one of his old girlfriends, does she say things that you are suspicious of??

Answer 9

No. Cheaters are always the first to worry, but controlling people are usually cheaters as well. Sounds like you both have quite a mess there.

ps. Yes to the Once a Cheater question...once you start, its nearly impossible to stop.

Answer 10

Ya, I'd say you're going over the line. You should give each other some privacy. Trust is the first key to a successful marriage(relationship). If you don't trust each other, what will happen?