we have 3 small kids ,she said she is confused ,we just had our 10 year wedding anniversary
2006-07-27 11:57:16 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honestly I would leave her. Her excuse as in being "confused" is not good enough to even have an affair after having 3 children and a 10 year wedding anniversary. If you want to save this relationship you two ought to go to a marriage counceling but I think you need to leave someone who would go around your back and have an affair with another man. Im sure you know what to do.
2006-07-27 12:02:26 · answer #1 · answered by MedStudent 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well this is a tough one. Lets start with the warning to beware the advice to kick her out. Many of the answers here are from kids with no marriage experience much less 10 years investment.
Your first step is to decide if you want to continue with her. If no then proceed to the divorce, and do it soon. If yes, then you need to focus on her. Were there troubles or did she simply stray? An affair says more about her than it does the marriage. It says she was willing to leave the marriage for whatever fulfilment. She now has to tell you what she intends to do. You need to put some limits on though. Only let her stay if she tells you why she did that.
Do not accept the "I don't know" responce. She knows what she was looking for even if she hasn't addmitted it to herself. The recognition of the reason is the first step to its prevention in the future. Secondly she has to tell you that it will never happen again, and mean it. That goes along with the what happens if she does do this again. Does she agree to leave with nothing from the marriage, sort of a post nuptual agreement. By the way confusion is not a reason to risk tossing a 10 year marriage and family away. She needs to understand that she's inflicted possibly the worst pain that she can on you. She had better be very sorry, and act like it. If you want to keep her you will have to rewrite the rules. She will have to account for her time and communictions if only to allow you not to wonder what she's up to. She will need to snap out of her confused state quickly and determine if she really wants this to work. She has just proven to you that she is capable of lying to you about some serious matters. Make sure she knows that her talk is suspect. If any of this stuff finds resistance you may have to show her the door.
It now takes her to stop the lies and be forthright. The 3 months but only twice streches the bounds of belief. Infidelity is so destructive and really rips your guts out.
You can get over this but it takes a long time and her complete cooperation.
If its to be seperation, keep the kids.
Been there, Good Luck.
That was 25 years ago we are still together.
2006-07-27 19:46:19 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide if you want to stay married or not.
Unfaithfulness is the worst crime one can commit in a marriage - because it calls in to question the other person's integrity, honest, loyalty, and committment.
No one can tell you whether you should stay together or not. One thing I can tell you - if you are staying together just for the sake of the kids, don't. The only thing you will achieve that way is make you , your spouse, AND the kids miserable - and you are teaching your kids something very regretable about loving relationships.
If you two BOTH decide to stay together, you are going to need an outside party to help you navigate and heal and rebuild your marriage stronger (read: a certified couples counselor).
And then don't stop there. Marriages are like cars, they need regular tune-ups to stay healthy.
2006-07-27 19:15:35 · answer #3 · answered by Christopher B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get your hands on the book His needs her needs How to build an affair proof marriage. Then she needs to read the book Created to be His Help Meet. If you type the book for her just like that without caps and without spaces, it will bring up that sight and you can order her a book. I feel for you. My husband did the same thing to me. But the bright side is, is that women tend to go back to their husbands and forget all about the other man. However when it is the other way around it is not so lucky. Good luck!
2006-07-27 19:07:53 · answer #4 · answered by vvvlambert 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does it really matter how many times? Will you ever be able to be with her again without thinking about it or wondering if she is? If she wants to stay with you then be determined to get counseling and face whatever was going on BEFORE she had the affair. If she doesn't know if she wants to stay then she's not confused, she just wants to figure out how to get out of it as easy as possible without losing too much. Good luck to you and your babies, it will be a hard road no matter what you decide. Please realize, her choice was just that..hers...now you have to make yours.
2006-07-27 19:11:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Found out similar thing 5 days ago, husband and his x g/f.
I love him dearly and we have a child so i decided to give it a second chance.
Cheating is cheating regardless of how many times they had sex.
Do you still love her, do you still want to grow old with her. Do you think that there is anychance that you could one day forgive her or give her a second chance at earning your trust, If you answered yes than give it a go.
Heaps of people will say DUMP the Bi**h but your the one who has lived with her for over ten years. Is she truely sorry?
If she wants to give it a second go then make her make it up to you, make sure she earns your respect back don't just give it to her.
2006-07-27 20:29:59 · answer #6 · answered by jenny c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's confused? So confused she forgot who she was married to? NO!!! Sleeping with a person ISN'T accidental. She deliberately cheated. After all,. when (during the month long affair)you aked, "What did you do today?" She didn't mention sleeping with her boyfriend did she? She cheated. Now, she's soooooo sorry. Till the next time she gets "confused" Cheaters cheat. End it.
2006-07-27 19:14:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you forgive, forget and move on? Can she?
What does you want? She? Do both of you want to stay together or not? If you decide to stay together, then get counseling, if you decide to separate, then get counseling too, you will need to tay in touch for the sake of those kids.
No easy answers, lots of praying and soul searching, counseling and act as adults for the sake of the children.
2006-07-27 20:11:11 · answer #8 · answered by umbralatin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get into marriage counseling.
Go to a low cost clinic if you cannot afford therapy and ask a physician for a referral to a staff social worker. From there, you both can sort this out.
2006-07-27 19:17:43 · answer #9 · answered by oceana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave her. She will only hurt you more in the end. Once a cheat, always a cheat. Leave her and then work on counseling if you like, but have some self respect
2006-07-27 19:07:39 · answer #10 · answered by chihuahuas2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋