My boyfriend and I have been together over 2 years, we have planned on getting married and having children. Then yesterday he tells me he's going to join the marines. He will be gone all the time and i don't want to deal with it. I told him i would leave him if he joins. I told him to just join the national guard.
2006-07-27 11:49:33 · 10 answers · asked by aae87 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Bit unfair for him, methinks. I don't know, you should discuss it further with him, find out how much he wants to join the marines. If he seems to really really want to be a marine and he's torn by your ultimatum, you should reconsider if you're able to deal with it for his sake. Don't make it a 'choose me or your ambition' situation, after all, he's not actually leaving you. If you think you really can't deal with it, well, that's not unreasonable, you're probably just not meant to be and it's better to part ways than suffer for the rest of your life. You should only marry someone you'd suffer anything for, and he should get someone who'd deal with him through thick and thin, too.
2006-07-27 12:03:09 · answer #1 · answered by crystal iceberg 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Anyone who has their heart set on joining the Marine Corps will probably not join the National Guard. I know I wouldn't have and neither would any of the Marines I know. Besides, National Guard doesn't mean "won't ever go anywhere". The National Guard here in Georgia has been deployed since the beginning of the war and has lost quite a lot of members overseas. If this is his dream, you need to support him. If you are unwilling to move, or just could not live with outhim in the case he's deployed, well, at least you figured that out before you had children.
2006-07-28 17:49:33 · answer #2 · answered by Drea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he want to be in the marines full time - as a career? Or just a 4 year tour of duty? If he wants this full time you need to decide if that is the kind of life you can live happily. Many women do, but I know I couldn't. It would be hard to leave this man you love and have made plans with, but it is far better for you to decide now that your life goals are incompatable, than to marry him have children and THEN decide you can't take it. This is why you date. To find out whether or not you can make a happy life with someone. Don't assume that just because you get along and love him that it is a good match. There are alot of other issues to consider.
That said, he may not be determined to be a Marine. But if he is, it isn't fair of you to squash his dreams either. You may just have to go your separate ways. There is no need to be angry with him though. You just have different plans.
Good Luck
2006-07-27 18:56:22 · answer #3 · answered by iahp_mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. You have to respect his decision to join the Marines. I don't think anyone wants someone they care about to join any branch of the military right now. You need to talk it over and you both need to respect the way the other feels, but if your relationship is real, it will endure this and help you realize if it is worth keeping. If you want to get married there will be many things you have to deal with and don't agree on. Marriage can be the greatest frustration and greatest reward in your life.
2006-07-27 19:00:53 · answer #4 · answered by CJ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that you are over-emotional right now and have had some sort of 'ideal' situation in your mind: date for a few years, get married, have babies...the whole nine yards; but let me ask you, has your boyfriend had the same 'ideal' situation in his mind as well? Your dreams may not align with his dreams 100% but all relationships are built on compromises, not ultimatums. Telling him that you will leave him if he fulfills his dreams can come off as selfish. Ask him what his dreams are and then share your dreams with him. See if you see yourself in his dreams and see if he can see himself in yours. If there is no middle ground at all, then tell him that you love him, but you can't stand in the way of his happiness, nor can he stand in the way of yours. If you still date and he decided to join the national guard instead of the Marines he may end up sad and resenting you the rest of his life. You don't want that.
2006-07-27 18:57:33 · answer #5 · answered by Evangeline 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BOTH of you are being unreasonable.
If he told you he was going to join the Marines without talking about it, then that's a little nuts.
But ... it sounds like you're NOT engaged, so your expectations are a little nuts too. Also, how important could he be to you - HIM, not the occupied slot of having a boyfriend in your life - if your reaction is "I don't want to deal with it". Who would want to deal with you?
Perhaps, after you break up, and he's free of you, he'll end up taking a job right there in town. That will be very revealing.
.
2006-07-27 18:53:10 · answer #6 · answered by robabard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah u r kinda being unreasonable. i understand that u feel this way. but having a husband who is in the military isnt that bad. my sisters husband was only gone for a year tour and hasnt gone back since. but the reserves or national guard is a good alternitave to compromise. but is being in the military really worth u loosing him?
2006-07-27 18:57:31 · answer #7 · answered by sara ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so now you get to dictate his life? I can undrerstand where you're coming from, but consider him too. Don't tell him what to do, and if he does join the marines, and you love him, "dealing with it" will be worth it. hope this helps.
2006-07-27 18:55:30 · answer #8 · answered by Remi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the hardest job in the military is being a wife.... think about it.. if you want him around then marry him and move with him or else find someone who will stay home and flip burgers for a living...
2006-07-27 19:02:09 · answer #9 · answered by montanamom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your man wants to be a marine let him.tell him you dont want it but if its what he wants do it.Try to stand by your man through thick and thin or find a man that will do what you say instead of what he thinks best.Thats what you want right?
2006-07-27 19:01:46 · answer #10 · answered by savage_14u2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋