Whatever happened to taking marriage vows seriously?

Question

I just read the most annoying question about a woman who wants to divorce what she called the "perfect man". I don't get it! I realize that marriage can suck sometimes, that it's difficult, and requires work- but whatever happened to commitment and taking things seriously???

I'm hearing you! But what happened along the way for people to just give up? Did people 60 years ago take their vows more seriously? I think they did! So why can't this generation work it out?!

Listen Hull2297, you may be "trying" but you're also lying. You called him the "perfect man" and yet I just witnessed you rambling on about how imperfect he truly is. Like I said, marriage is work and things change - but quit hiding behind the facade that he's perfect. I think it's really a matter of things being imperfect and you just can't handle it.

Answer 1

I agree, I think people don't take marriage seriously enough these days and that it does take a lot of work and times can be really tough, but they forget that they said until death us do part...in sickness and in health...etc. I think a lot of people just find it easier to walk than to work at the relationship.

Answer 2

Divorce is too easy to get nowadays. People almost think of marriage like leasing a car. You drive it around for a while, and when you get tired of it, you exchange it for something new and exciting. The words 'till death do us part' have practically no meaning at this point in history. You can go get married in Nevada and get divorced there the same week. People would rather give up and start over than actually work on their marriages. Think about the infatuation phase of a relationship. All those warm, fuzzy feelings that two people share for each other WILL wear off after a while. That's when the more difficult phase of the marriage comes in. People have to learn to deal with their spouse's habits, issues, family, and spending habits. Those who did not seriously think about the heavy responsibilities that come with having a SUCCESSFUL marriage will suffer a rude shock when they realize that marriage is not a fairy tale but involves much hard work.

Answer 3

I always end up wondering why people fail to consider that after the wedding comes an entire lifetime, how can that little detail go unnoticed? I think if people honestly sat down and considered more than a ring and a party they wouldn't get married in the first place and those that were left would take their vows seriously. How many married couples do you know that actually sat down and went through those vows one by one and really thought about whether they were up to it or not? I think the number is distressingly small. I think those people really should never have been married in the first place so there is really no hope that they will reach a point where they do anything but make each other miserable.

Answer 4

OK I am the one that wrote the post about the perfect man, and I take my vows very seriously, I have been to a counslor on my own about this, I have read self help books and I have tried to change the way I feel man times. He has changed, as I am sure I have. I care for him very much and would never want to hurt him, but I know I am because I am not able to give him what he wants or needs. We talked about me not wanting kids before we were married, he changed his mind, and he was never possesive or obsessed when we first married, That started because I got a degree, make more money then him, and he is jelous that he works way harder then me and makes less money. Don't for a minute think I have not been "working" on this. Its to the point that I think HE would be happy if I left him and HE could go find a wife like the kind he has in his head.

Answer 5

I agree with you. I don't get it either. Every time someone has an argument, issue, or disagreement they give up. I mean, two people will NEVER agree on anything. Not even identical twins agree on everything...so how can you expect not to have an argument or two? It's sad. A married should be a one-time deal. I also think people go into relationships with very different expectations. They don't even talk about things they SHOULD have talked about before they got married....like how many kids they want. I know a couple who may get a divorce because she wants two kids and he wants none. Hello! This is something that should have been mentioned BEFORE the nuptials. Oh well

Answer 6

Some people marry for all the wrong reasons and it doesn't work out, no matter how much work they put into it.

I had married my ex for all the wrong reasons and was hurt for the whole 20 long, miserable years we were together. He lied, cheated--one affair was with his brothers wife for 4 years, abused me and drugs and his kids, used me, even taught his kids how to use drugs (how sick), etc. I tried my hardest to make it work, even after the affairs. But, I finally got fed up and left him. I even got balls (as he said) and would fight back when he tried to abuse me! I finally left for good, divorced him, and never looked back. I am now with someone that is the total opposite of him and we are engaged. We both believe in working hard on the relationship, not lying and cheating, not abusing anyone, etc. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life!

I can understand when people marry for all the worng reasons as I have been there, but I have learned my lesson and will only marry for love and with someone that loves, respects, and cherishes me like my fiance does. Maybe these people that are divorcing their partners have learned their lessons and want out to start over and do it right the next time. Who knows.

Answer 7

Unfotunately some people don't know how to love, even worse, know the meaning of true love, and it doesn't come with age as well, too, knowing love comes with maturity.

Also, a lot of men and women do not take the time to define what they want in a relationship and from a partner. They just jump at whoever is right in front of them, this is why divorce is so rampant. They think being married is all fun and being in love, but when reality sinks in--they choose to run instead of work out their problems--I agree, it's pretty sad.

Answer 8

Its because we live in a disposable society. At the first sign of trouble we throw up our hands and say lets get rid of the problem. Its not just marriage, its our children, its our jobs, and our families.

I don't know when or where we got that idea that things are supposed to be easy in life, and its really to bad that family values are not the same, we don't take care for our elderly, when or children get out of hand we turn them over to the courts, when we hit a rough spot in our marriage we say I'll just get a divorce and look for someone else.

Where does it all end? I wish I had the answer to that.

Answer 9

I think as time goes by, people expect things to come easily to them. Example: the microwave! I don't own one, I haven't owned on in years.... Somehow, I still eat food. wanna know how? It's called an oven! Yep, I actually take the time to preheat the oven and cook my food. Crazy, huh?

Anyhow, when you look at the mentality of people, everyone is wondering "why aren't I happy?" The Bhuddhists believe spiritual enlightenment (ultimate happiness) is acheived through living a life for the betterment of others. I think it's human nature to be happy by making others happy. So why is it that in a marriage, you expect your partner to make you happy? Shouldn't the expectation be to make your partner happy? Selfishness is the reason so many marriages fail. Everyone is so damned worried about thier own well-being that they forget about the well-being of thier spouse. I was married, I was happy, I was living a life for my wife and our future together. She wasn't happy, she blamed me for all our problems, she was living a life for herself.

I don't think people understand marriage at all. For me, it's the coming together of two people for the common good of the group. If you both have the same ideals on life, then you come together and try to obtain those goals together. It's a partnership, good times and bad. Unfortunatly, nobody wants to be loyal anymore, they are too ready to move on when things aren't easy. Never knowing the happiness of perserverence.

Answer 10

Nothing happened to it. Some people just marry for all the wrong reasons and some people just aren't ready for marriage but do it anyway. I still believe in marriage vows.