he doesn't talk much generally but he refuses to say anything about past.....it's hard for me to understand why,now is what matters anyways but he seems so secretive about it..and gets annoied and upset telling me there is nothing to tell....i need help to soften his defense...should i be worried or just leave it be...?that is way when he talked to his ex(that he never mentioned) and got busted (i checked his phone)i assumed he is cheating...he is denying,and still never told me anything about her.if i ask him aything about her or the past he gets passive agressive and waits till i stop asking about it...i fell resentment.....now i have urge to check his phone everyday and see if i can learn more what is going on in his life without me around.i'm home with our baby and spend too much time thinking about this...if i check his phone and he find out he'll yell and say that is invading privacy....but how will i know when he doesn't tell me...what do you think?
2006-07-27 10:13:09 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is very possible that he is not proud of his past and would like to leave it "in the past". I was honest and admitted to cheating on my ex in a conversation with my current love....stupid, stupid me. Now I can't go to the bathroom without her checking behind the shower curtain for the "lover" that she is CONVINCED that I have. The truth is ....I would have lied if I knew the TRUTH would be used against me. Damned if we do.....damned if we don't. I suggest you forget about the past and concern yourself more with your future.
2006-07-27 10:28:15 · answer #1 · answered by johnnydean86 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He obviously feels a lot a guilt and/or shame about his past. It probably would hurt him a great deal for you to know about it, and worse for him to tell you.
He is sneaking around with his ex, and whatever he is doing is wrong. He is cheating in the way that he is having relations with another woman that excludes you. It doesn't have to be sex...
You are becoming obsessed with checking on him, and the payoff you're getting is that your suspicions are confirmed. I can see that this is consuming you.
You have to step up and be the hero. Your child is learning how to be miserable in a marriage (no matter how young they are). You have to put the child first, and take a stand, and not accept this abuse.
He obviously has some unfinished business to tkae care of that he has put as a priority in front of his own family and marriage. You need to let him know that, and you will not accept that from him.
He has made his choice, so why do you question that? It would be your coice if you want to give him a chance to make things right. This means having a discussion about cutting ties with her (while you listen) and why.
This will not happen unless he actualls gets it. Good luck with that, but your best bet is to move on and forgive him for his shortcomings, and thank him for teaching you about what not to put up with from someone!
2006-07-27 10:48:37 · answer #2 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is always the best way to go. Just sit down with him and tell him how you feel. A close friend of my was driving herself CRAZY looking up stuff about her fiance. She was infatuated with finding information about the women he had dated in the past. She finally sat him down and said something like: "I need to talk to you seriously about something that has been bothering me. I know that I don't NEED to know about your past. The past is the past and there is nothing I can do to change this. BUT, the past is also what makes each and every one of us who we are and who we will become. I need to know about (her) because I need to relieve my own thoughts. When left at my own accord, my thoughts and my imagination take control and I make things out to be a lot worse than they really are. Do you think you could indulge me with a few details?"
It worked for her...you may try this.
Good Luck!
2006-07-27 10:39:58 · answer #3 · answered by Evangeline 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for starters your his wife and he should not be keeping secrets from you and if you saw on his phone that he spoke to his ex then something is going on..........I say this cause I started noticing alot of phone calls from my husband to his co-worker and he swore that they just talked about work but they would talk for a long time and I suspected an affair and he said that i was crazy..........later he leaves me and moves in with his parents and says that we are not compatible and we fight alot but we always fought cause he always kept things from me......we were seperated for a year and I thought it was cause he was a mommas boy to tell you the truth and then when we got bak together and i was pregnant with baby number 2 I found e-mails to that co-worker saying how he missed her and all that crap and i saw that he sent her flowers for valentines day, and this was all right after he left me............so if you feel it in your gut it may be true......i thought there was somthing going on but i had no proof and then he made me feel like i was crazy for thinking that!
2006-07-27 10:23:00 · answer #4 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont push him to talk about the past it only makes things worse. if he wants you to know he will tell you. if you think that you have to check up on him then that means that you have questions about your relationship with himmaybe you should take a step back and re evaluate things. just be up front with him and ask him straight up if there are any other women . if he cant answer then do your self a favor and leave
2006-07-27 10:32:37 · answer #5 · answered by mom19242000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he simply is tired of you getting on his case about his past, so he just doesn't want to give you any more ammunition against him. Unless there are real reasons for you to suspect he's not trustworthy (stays out late without explanation, spends money elsewhere, comes home with lipstick on his collar etc), stop harrassing him. He's probably just tired of being nagged to death.
2006-07-27 10:37:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a dilemna. He is hiding events from his past. That is certain. Gosh, there could be many things he doesn't want to reveal to you, some of them could be really bad. You need to get SERIOUS and find out who this man is that you married and had a baby with.
2006-07-27 10:20:44 · answer #7 · answered by Baby Bloo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him his Private space. This is what most men don't like about women. He wants to keep his past (thoughts) to himself and you keep bothering him and make it a challenge to get through.
he will talk when he is ready. Just enjoy your life with him
2006-07-27 10:29:12 · answer #8 · answered by hotdesersand 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can check his phone anytime, your his wife. Talking about the past is just going to be an arguement, its not worth it , just drop it and focus on the future with you and your husband.
2006-07-27 10:21:56 · answer #9 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may be having a little post pardom depression, but follow your instincts, if you think you have a valid reason for being suspicious, follow through with it.
2006-07-27 10:26:21 · answer #10 · answered by sweetie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋