Abusive wife?

Question

A few days ago we were at her family's house and she was like she always is, verbally and physically abusive. Putting me down over small trivial stuff. She is always punching and kicking and biting (lord knows i have enough scars from THAT), but what finally happened is she slapped me in the face with a scorching hot spatula. I dont remember doing it, i was so mad, but i punched her and broke her nose. I do remember beating up her dad cause he jumped me for hitting her. I was arrested for what I did, but she wasnt?? Ive put up with her abuse because I love her to death and I dont believe in hitting a woman no matter what she does. I dont know why I did it that time cause i dont remember anything but pure anger for a few seconds, and I agree with the decision to arrest me, and whatever punishment that will now follow in court. What should I do? I love her more than life itself, but I may have ruined it between us. I dont want to leave her, I took a vow to be with her until death.

Answer 1

I think you need some time away from her. It sounds like she just pushed you over the line. NO one deserves to be abused...Man or Woman. Im sure you love her but you need some time to reflect and adjust your life, It sounds like your better off letting her go. Im sure you could find another woman. Someone that respects you and treats you like a man should be treated. I think the worst part of leaving a relationship is the change of everyday routine. You sound like a nice guy, that just lost it in the heat of the moment. If you want to still be with her, make her go to anger managment classes. Good Luck to you!!!!

Answer 2

Hello.... you aren't the one who messed things up. She is and you may not want to hear it but the truth is that she ruined things by her being abusive to you. It makes no difference man or woman no one should be abused in a relationship. She hit you with a hot spatula, it is human instinct to defend and protect your self. People down men for fighting back but if the situation had been reversed and you were the one who had been being abusive to her all this time, then you hit her with a hot any thing and she had hit you back then a lot of people would have said that you deserved it. so tell me what is the difference. You did what you had to do to protect your self. Just because you are a man makes no difference. Love is some thing that can some times control us beyond the imagination and yes it would be hard to leave her but it would probably be the best thing you could ever do.

Answer 3

You know if a man was beating his wife and she turned on him and punched him he would be the only one arrested in most cases because its self devese for her to hit him back like that but because you could over power her even though it was out of your human nature to self defend yourself, you were the only one arrested?
You also need to ask you self are you still in love with the person or are you confterble, Also if your being abused verbally and physically its taking away from your self convidence, so again do you love this person or have you forgotten who you are. What was you life like when you two very first met? What do you love about her from then thats doesnt exsit anymore? She may need help and then again there are some people that are not going to change, their bad habits stick with them when they stick with the same person. I hope there are not any kid invold. If there is then you really need to get her help because she will always be a parent and you then need to also get your self away because your not being all you can be as a parent by sticking around.

Answer 4

You made a terrible mistake, and you have to accept the fact that this marriage may be over. When it gets to the point that the couple resorts to domestic violence to express their anger its a sign there's absolutely no mutual respect, not to mention the verbal abuse that has been going on for years. Even though you may love each other that doesn't mean you're right for each other if you let things get to this point then its better for both of you to be apart. If you do decide to be toguether again you will need a lot, A LOT of counseling either a marriage counselor or someone from your church but both of you need to make some serious changes.

Answer 5

Women abuse men at around the same rate that men abuse women, in our society. The reason this knowledge isn't widespread has to do with feminism trying to destroy our way of life (but that's another issue).

With regard to an abusive spouse, it doesn't matter if they are a man or a woman, the correct solution is the same....divorce. An abusive person is not appropriate as a spouse for anyone. Something is wrong with them that makes it impossible for them to have a relationship or marriage, so they must be alone.

You can disagree but the outcome will follow an inevitable pattern. She will become more and more violent in her abuse. Worse, she will goad you into being violent with her. This is what happened to you. You lost it because you were manipulated into losing it as part of a protracted campaign to force you into this behavior. And you will do it again....and again. Your wife will simply keep on, keeping on. Then, she will either kill you, using a weapon (women use weapons more than men in abuse), set you up to go to prison (where you will be assraped every day for years.....I mean it...this will actually be your fate) or she will abandon you to go abuse someone else. There are no other possible outcomes.

Your wife is sick. There is no hope for rehabilitation for her...NONE. Although she will attempt to manipulate you into staying (even behaving herself for a short while), the goal for her remains what I just outlined. No matter what she says, what she will DO remains the same.

There is only ONE way for you to effectively deal with this and that is for you to leave (and make sure she can't find you) and divorce her.

Also, it would be a good idea to join a support group for this. The goal here is to talk with others in the same boat as you to affirm what I just said about your situation and to learn the warning signs that a potential partner is like this, so you can avoid simply recreating the situation with a different woman. The issue here is the traits and behaviors you take for granted as normal in women....ARE NOT NORMAL. They are actually warning signs of abuse. But you can't see them yet. You need to learn how to do this. You need the help of others who have been through it and gotten away from it.

Answer 6

Spousal abuse works both ways, and if what
you have written is complete and accurate, it
sounds to me like your punching her is purely
self defense. If your father-in-law tried to restrain
you, you might have a tougher time saying that
beating him up was self defense - only if he
threw a punch etc.

However, you do have an up-hill battle ahead of
you. Generally, when people show up in the
hospital with signs of abuse, it is women at the
hands of men.

In reality, women are MORE likely to actually
hit, slap, kick or throw something at men than
the other way around - because they are less
likely to harm.

Men are trained from a very early age to not
hit women - women are NOT trained the other
way around. However, generally, they don't
do as much damage and it is overlooked.

Yes, if you say something insulting and a woman
slaps you for it, SHE has committed assault.

Abuse is abuse.

Unfortunately, due to the nature of people's
predispositions on the issue, you're going to have
a harder time proving it.

Even if you love her more than life itself, you
need to realize that she is just as likely to continue
to attack you as a male perpetrator would be.

Unfortunately, your defense of yourself is
probably the ONLY thing that prevent her from
doing this in the future. That is, if she knows
that you will defend yourself, she may think
again before grabs for a spatula.

Answer 7

First and foremost..I was married to someone for 12 years that beat the crap out of me on a daily basis..If you can think of any bone in your body ive had it broked, fractured or sprained. IOne day I couldnt take it anymore and I finally fought back ..needless to say i had 4 broken ribs, dislocated shoulder, cracked knee and a black eye..he had a broken nose and I was arrested not him. I stayed because I loved him to death and took the same vows but its almost comming close to death that made me leave. If she can forgive you then you need to talk and find outside help. I wasent one for counciling either but 3rd party might help her also. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you two can look back and know why your love is strong.....

Answer 8

Everyone has a breaking point n you just experience yours.Violence n abuse is wrong no matter male or female.Im thinking your wife needs help and you need to remove yourself from this union before someone end up dead. Im sorry but it tookme 7n 1/2 yrs to realize i need to leave a very abusive union .Help your wife,,,,,,,,,,, get her the help she needs n im thinking you could use a sholder too . You must know you both cant continue on this way .I dont understand u were arrested n not giving the right to press charges too my friend thats a violation of YOUR civil right

Answer 9

I always say that if a woman puts herself in a man's place she should be knocked down like one. I am a woman by the way. A woman has no right to hit on a man any more than a man has the right to hit on a woman. My suggestion is that you and your wife get anger management counseling as well as marriage counseling before someone really gets hurt or worse.

Answer 10

If you have put in all the details...

SHE IS ABSOULTELY WRONG IN HITTING HER HUSBAND...

The next time she does that to you....just call 911. And tell them there is domestic violence going on in the house. Have her arrested. She will than realise her mistake

Your wife has to change first. She has to learn a BIG lesson in life. You may have to be really harsh to make her learn that lesson initially. But she has to be TAMED...yes tamed. Women behaving like that is like a WILD animal behavior. She has to learn not to hit you or provoke you too much.

No you did not do a wrong thing by hitting her back.... always hit her back when she hits you. This way you are not taken too easil by her. She will be scared a bit ...before she does anything stupid..