How do you tell someone that you no longer wish to be friends? Serious answers only pls?

Question

This woman is probably a nice lady deep down, but she is very self invovled, has attempted to steal from me twice, shoplifted (which i hate), laid her financial problems at my feet, the list goes on & on.
i felt sorry for her cause it seemed people ignored her & she didn't have many friends. Now i see why. The problem is she is a bit unstable. She is divorced because she stabbed her ex. She brags about not p***ing her off or she could just go off on anyone at anytime. At first i took it as a sick joke, but now it freaks me out. Normally i would just say "your a nice enough person but we just don't mesh, i wish you well in all you do." And that would be that. But she seems to suspect so she is constantly calling & playing on my guilt; saying that she doesn't have any friends, she's lonely etc etc etc. And she is getting incredibly bossy. i just want to be done with the whole thing. How do i do it without sending her over the edge? Serious replies only please or i will report.

These are all wonderful answers. Thank everyone so much. i absolutely can not decide which to pick as best so i am going to put it to a vote. Thanks again to all, some really wonderful answers. Very helpful, creative and nice. :-)

These are all wonderful answers. Thank everyone so much. i absolutely can not decide which to pick as best so i am going to put it to a vote. Thanks again to all, some really wonderful answers. Very helpful, creative and nice. :-)

Answer 1

She needs help. Real help. The best way to deal with someone like that is to introduce her to people that can help her with her problems.

Tell her that you've had enough and that you have to move on with your life. She breached your sense of trust and your sense of People and nobody deserves to have that in our lives either, anymore.

Answer 2

OK, Bills sounds like you have a real challenge on your hands my suggestion would be to be as honest as humanly possible, chances are that what ever you say or do this psychic vampire will go over the edge any way. Why? Because humans usually repeat behaviour that they where once rewarded for. You sound like a nice enough person, and it is my opinion that you deserve better, and should never have to subject yourself to that kind of abuse.
What would I do? I would explain the method to my madness and tell this person the reasons why. In my kindest voice say when you do such and such I fell like%$#@ .
It has been my experience that you should always be around people that make you feel good about yourself.
You Will Be Tested By This Person, I Know The Type.
Let me leave you with a little food for thought " If you keep doing what you are doing, all you are going to get is more of what you got"
hope this helps

Answer 3

It sounds like this woman is seriously emotionally disturbed. I have an aunt that is like this and she has sort of become bothersome to the whole family because she is perpetually upset or needing something. In my observation I have found this: her problems are mostly self created. She is looking for someone to swoop down and solve all the problems because she is tired of trying. Depression is something that usually plagues people like this and when depression sets in, nothing can go right. EVERYONE walks around holding a list of problems or issues in one hand and most people carry solutions/coping skills/problem solving skills in the other hand. Depression acts like a block between the two. This leads to piles of issues that have never been resolved so in essence their personal situation just gets worse and worse. The worse it gets, the more work it will take to pull them out. The further in the hole they seem to get, the worse the depression is. The worse the depression is, the harder it is to muster up the energy to do something about it. It's one big continuous cycle and as it goes on, people resort to more desperate measures...stealing, shoplifting, etc.

Although this is a tough burden to bear, maybe this is your opportunity to help someone. We all have our own issues and maybe we have been blessed with the skills and know-how to solve them. Not everyone is as fortunate. My advice would be to give her some self empowerment tips. Remind her that only SHE can make it better. When she is acting self-involved tell her how that makes you feel. She can't force her financial problems on you unless you are willing to take them. I wouldn't offer her money and if she steals, I wouldn't allow her in my home. If she wants to know why, explain to her why you have chosen such consequences to her actions. Above all else, remember that if she was a friend to you she wouldn't steal and be shady with you. In turn, you are by no means obligated to be a real friend to someone that doesn't extend the same courtesy to you.

Good Luck! I hope it works out!

Answer 4

Be kind, open, honest and respectful.

Tell her (either in a letter or over the telephone) that you have been reevaluating your friendship with her and, while you appreciate some aspects of her friendship (spell them out) you find that you are unable to deal with other aspects of her friendship which you find draining, disrespectful, manipulative and unfail - whether she does it intentionally or not.

Tell her what you are looking for in a true and solid friendship: There are no guilt trips; there is mutual respect and a mutual desire to compliment each others lives; there is trust (which cannot be violated by petty theft), there is respect and there is no manipulation (i.e. guilt trips, fear tactics…)

Let her know that this was a very painful and difficult decision for you to reach but you really believe that you need to end the friendship and go on with your life.

If you talk with her over the telephone, she WILL try to guilt you into giving her another chance. She will probably promise to try to change. She will probably promise to stop with the guilt trips (and at the same time she will tell you how lost she will be without any friends). What she will not do is accept your decision lightly. Therefore, if you talk to her on the telephone, you will need to be strong and hold your ground. It would probably be best if you have a friend or relative with you for emotional support and to keep you on track.

I would also recommend that you do everything that you can to avoid her after you call it off. If she is desperate and clingy (and manipulative), she might try to visit you at home, at work or other places and you might need to actually get a restraining order.

The bottom line that you need to keep in mind is that she is bad for you and your health. She is not a healthy person and she needs professional help - not an enabler who allows her to continue her poor behavioral patterns.

I wish you good luck and all the best.

PS. If you attend a religious institution, you might also seek advice from your clergyman (or clergy woman).

Answer 5

You don't owe her anything. You could subscribe to call blocking so she can't get through, or get call display and just don't answer if you don't have the courage to stand up to her. I mean if she stabbed someone I don't blame you! It's great to be a compassionate person, a lot of people need that and don't take advantage, but she doesn't have any boundaries it sounds like. You aren't her mother and you are entitled to live your life without harassment. When you are a nice person it is difficult to say no, let alone break ties completely with someone. It is important to learn that skill otherwise you will continue to be taken advantage of. She needs to learn how to handle the problems in her life responsibly, it isn't your responsibility to pick her up off her feet. She will learn only if enough people turn away from her and she will see her behaviour is inappropriate. Sorry you are stuck in this situation.

Answer 6

Definitely sounds like you two have outgrown your friendship. I had a simjlar situation where my friend and I just didn't have anything in common anymore. First to keep it from being so abrupt since your friend is unstable is to do it gradually. Let the machine answer calls (if you can tell it is her). Stop being so available for her all of the time. She has come to use you as her crutch. Tell her that you have something to do if she invites you somewhere or decline an invite if she wants to hang out. You don't have to be ugly. Hopefully she will get the hint and find someone else to drive nuts. If she becomes hostile towards you, don't delay in getting a restraining order against her. Better to be on the safe side.

Good luck. Sounds like you are a good friend and she is the one that is going to be on the losing end.

Answer 7

I would say what you said you usually say. You can't always predict how anyone will react. All you can do is keep it simple and to the point. It isn't necessary to be mean or anything like others may suggest. It is what it is. She creeps you out, you don't feel safe to be her friend anymore. You could also tell her that you have been uncomfortable with the issues she brings up and would rather just stay acquaintances. As always with someone like this, after you tell her this, watch your back. Tell others of the situation so she doesn't trash you behind your back afterwords. Good luck....

Answer 8

I think you should be frank with her, tell her that she is aggressive and pushy and it makes you uncomfortable. Tell her that your sorry, but you just dont have time for that in your life. If you are affraid she will go off, I would advise doing this on the phone, or in a very public place. Maybe try and tell her that if she thinks she has no friends, has she ever really thought about why? I would do it in a way to try and give constructive criticism, she may not see it that way, but I think if you approach it that way, you should be fine. Maybe have a wittness with you, just in case. But I think you should tell her why in the nicest way possible, maybe she will realize what she does and how she is and it will help her be a better person.

Answer 9

i know that its hard to tell someone that you want to drop the friendship but hun you need to and fast befor she take your guilt and makes you depressed like she is she sounds like shes trying to scare you into being her friend and that will never do tell her that you really are trying to be friends but you have to think about yourself and that you need time w/family or friends that she needs to back off and give you space if she cant do that then it would be in the both of yous best interst that she not call or come by tell her she taking to much of your time and if that doesnt work the only other thing i can metion is a restaining order i had to do it once and it isnt easy to tell somone to leave you alone i realy hope you can get away from her i feel that if you dont she might try to hurt you or worse

Answer 10

Looks like you really have a tough situation on your hands. Sometimes you can't take the weight of the world onto your shoulders. If this is a toxic friend you can do one of two things tell her about herself and try to show her ways to improve or discontiue the friendship and keep her in prayers. I hope this helps.Good Luck on your situation

Answer 11

Gotta say I love the disclaimer about her being a nice lady deep down. That's just an excuse for horrible people, that they're prolly nice deep down. If they don't act nice, they're not nice. Period. But I digress...

You just have to be firm. You've tried the nice card once; maybe it's time to be more direct. She plays off your guilt. That's her trump card. Take it away from her. It's part of the being firm. You say you want to get rid of her, but if you don't back that up then nothing's gonna work. You don't have to be cruel; you just have to stand by your word.