I took my husband back after he had an affair. I was wondering if there are other people out there who went through the same thing. Did your marriage survive the affair or did the affair forever ruin your marriage? What was the hardest part about taking back your spouse? Did you ever trust your spouse again? If you tried to fix your marriage but it failed, what happened the second time? How long did it take before it ended?
2006-07-27 09:39:53 · 8 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
All of that depends on sooooo many things that there isn't a set answer for it, I did see a list of seven things that helps you determine whether or not a relationship even should suvive an affair, i'll give them to you maybe it will help.
Is it an isolated incident or a pattern of behavior? (including past relationships, even if its the first time he cheated on you has he cheated on other gf's)
Does he own it (take full blame) or does he make excuses for why it happened?
Does he REALLY grasp the damage he's done to you and your relationship or does he just pay it lip service?
Is he sorry for the choice he made or sorry that he got caught?
Is he willing to do what it takes to clean up the mess he made, whatever it takes and however long it takes? or does he want to deny it and move on?
Is it out of character for him or is he insenstive about other things too? (respects your feelings, treats you with dignity, etc)
Is it a legacy or a new behavior? did he grow up in a family where this happened? if its what he learned thats a big clue.
Once you've gone through these and IF you determine that the answers all favor a successful relationship then you take it one day a at a time, if its a history or a pattern you leave and realize that it is the idea of the relationship that you 'love' and not the reality, surely you don't define being loved as someone that devestates you emotionally and doesn't care that he did. you have a lot of thinking to do, but don't worry it WILL get better and you will be ok!
2006-07-27 09:46:09 · answer #1 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I was with my ex husband for 20 years. I found out after I left and divorced him that he had been cheating pretty much the whole time; I thought it was only the 2 I knew about.
After the first one I found out about, I left for 6 months, then moved back in. I couldn't forget it, tho. I tried my best to forgive him, to work it out with him, etc. I just couldn't let it go. Then he had an emotional affair with a co-worker. I left for 3 months, then had an emergency and had no place else go to, so moved back in with him. Stupid mistake. I finally had enough, couldn't deal with the affairs, and left. I then divorced him and haven't looked back since. I found out, after I left, that the first affair didn't last for one year like he told me--it lasted for 4 years! And he had made the moves on my boss' sis in law while I was working one night!!
I have learned my lesson. IF any guy cheats on me, I will NOT take him back, no matter what. I don't want the heartache, I can't forget or forgive for something like that, and an affair totally ruins the marriage/relationship. At least, that's my opinion and experience.
2006-07-27 18:08:01 · answer #2 · answered by honey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is the hardest thing to get back once you find out that your spouse cheats on you. We all cheat to some degree, whether its conscoiusly or subconscoiusly.We don't mean to.....but temptation sometimes is overwhelming. Has this happened before, was she co-worker and still is, was she a nieghbor.
Those concerns will forever cloud your train of thought...that's why Jesus Christ is such an intracle part of your marriage.......have faith. Be patient.
2006-07-27 17:29:03 · answer #3 · answered by rlc120168 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I took him back and he now is my ex. The trust and always comparing myself to her. We really did try and we had so many more issues that I just got fed up with the fighting and always wondering if he was doing it again or when the next one would happen. It was so hard to live with that everyday I was drained and so were my kids. So i left a 1 yr and 3 months later and now my motto is in relationship I am not going to worry about you cheating cause if you do your loss I am out
2006-07-27 16:52:45 · answer #4 · answered by daack7 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my wife had a affair and to i forgave her and took her back our marriage is working but I can't say that I can forget it i trust her but not in the last few months and now some 5yers later in our marriage i think she might be cheating again and if so this is it, because i can not forgive her twice
2006-07-27 17:18:50 · answer #5 · answered by drknmky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it will always be in the back of your mine and every time hes late or something gos wrong you will remember it and it will mes you up minutely till you get out or lurn to share im a married man so i know
2006-07-27 16:50:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i did. never trust him now. hated to go to bed at nite b/cause mind would wonder and would get upset wif him. certain thing will remind me and its been years ago but i still get upset. never will b same no more,
2006-07-27 16:46:29 · answer #7 · answered by raysmaid1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it never lasts after somebody cheats
2006-07-27 17:07:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋