When good friends make bad decisions?

Question

When do you tell your best friend that you think he's making a bad decision, if not a terrible mistake? I've known Dave for four years, since we were freshmen in college. He's a smart guy, majoring in biology, wanting to go on to med school. He's a straight A student--and I mean it, a 3.98 GPA--and for the first two years of college, he always said he wanted to go to Harvard or Johns Hopkins or another top-rated med school. However, his third year, he met a girl, which is normal, I guess. But this girl (who's staying for a fifth year) wants him to stay also, and pursuaded Dave to stay at the same school for med school as well. The school we're at is not top-ranked, and I really feel he's doing it just because she's pressuring him to do so. When do you tell a good friend that he's making a bad decision? While I know that "it's his life" and I should support him about it, I know he gave up his dream for a girl, and as his friend, feel like I have an obligation to talk to him about it.

He also got a 98 percentile on his MCATs. Seriously, he can go to any med school he wants. He has always wanted to go to Harvard or Johns Hopkins, but just because of this girl. Now I'm not mad at her (she's very nice). I just really want to make sure my best friend knows what he's doing. As his friend, I feel like I should let him know he's making a mistake.

... let him know *I feel* he's making a mistake.

Answer 1

You're a good friend for worrying about Dave. I think it's a friend's duty to tell another when they think something isn't in their best interest. I don't think the question is whether or not you should talk to Dave, but rather what's the best way to do it so it doesn't hurt your friendship. Telling a friend that his girlfriend is pressuring him into something that might hurt his future is tough and needs to be done correctly. You don't want it to sound like you're against her or his happiness with her. But I do think it's important that you let him that if she truly loved him, then she'd want him to do what was best for him and that's going to the best med school he can get into. Also, reminding Dave of all his dreams before the girlfriend might be helpful. Giving up on his dreams for a girl isn't the best idea, because who knows if that girl will even be there in a few months. It's important to let him know that whatever he decides is fine by you, but that as his friend you find it your duty to make him aware of his actions. Hope this helps!

Answer 2

As his friend, try by telling him what you said here, but also tack on that no matter what he decides to do, you'll always be his friend and be proud of his achievements. He might totally ignore everything you say, but you've got to at least try. And if he doesn't listen, remember that you did all you could and that it's his life to screw up, and sometimes it really is hard to sit back and watch that happen to a good friend. I really hope he listens to you or at very least, realizes what a great friend he's got. Good luck.

Answer 3

If I were in your situation I would talk to my friend, if I didn't I don't think I could live with myself if he missed out on a great opportunity. Let him know that if his girlfriend really likes him then she should understand that he wants to go to a different school and she should support that, and that he needs to tell her what he wants to do, he shouldn't have to change his life completely for her, they need to compromise, just talk to him ... I would!

Answer 4

As his friend you do have an obligation to talk to him about it, however, don't expect him to change his mind. Be honest with him and try to get him to see it the way you do, but if he doesn't, at least you were honest and you'll have no regrets