I have a four year old with the worst man in the world?

Question

I chose the worst person in the world to have a child with and our custody battle has been going on for the last four years. It is so painful to let my son go with him every other day! I need strength and support to keep going

Answer 1

Pray, and read the bible!

Answer 2

Going through something like that every day has got to be hard on you. I was in a similar situation with my ex husband. If I may ask is your ex a bad husband or a bad father? If he is just a bad husband all you can do is try to let go of the past. If he is a bad father then keep the battle going on. If he isn't good to your son then the courts will see it. It is just a matter of patience and perseverance. ( I think I butchered that word oh well) The only other advice I would give is try not to let your child see the animosity between you and your husband. As difficult as it may be at times, it is important for his state of mind. Kids take things to heart. If Junoir hears mom bashing dad all the time he will A:believe horrible things about his father and be more miserable when he is over there. or B: think mommy just being mean which may pull him closer to his dad and further from you. And when a child feels pulled between parents it usually equals disaterous results. Either playing one parent against the other or the alienation of one parent. You are a brave woman and I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

WOW, you are in a tough spot, everyother day, is this court ordered, cause if it is I don't see where this is doing the child any good. Are you stable? steady home,etc. You do have to understand that your child dosen't harbor the the same feeling that you do so try not to show the anger to the little one,sometimes if you make a big deal out of it the guy hangs onto the child just to get at you, maybe he'll loose intrest if you don't show concern. Try new hobbys or intrest in your free time and this might take your mind off of the problem a little, do something that is so totally new to you so as to have new friends sports etc just so your ex dosen't know what your new intrest are,sure sounds like he's just trying to hurt you more than really raise the kid,cause whats best for the child is a steady home,same family around them and basic needs met, and lots of loving,you can't hug them enough when there little :-)

Answer 4

Because things didn't work out with the both of you, that doesn't mean that your son doesn't have the right to see his daddy.

Be happy that your former spouse wants to be a part of your son's life. Look at many others that complaint that they father's were never part of their lives because they didn't care, and this could leave a profound psicological scar on the child, of being rejected and worthless. Obviously he cares and loves his child just as you do, and it hurts him not to be able to see him too!

I understand and I can relate, but I a'm telling you from experiences that a positive transition in between visitations and being happy for your child that he gets to have a quality time with both of his loving parents will benefit greatly. If you badmouth the father of the child and become angry and jealous when your child expresses that he loves his dad is not going to help anyone.

This is about your child and not about you. You divorce is over and now you have to concentrate in what is important: the well being of your child.

Be strong and remain positive, if you show up with a bitter, angry attitude in court is not going to make things better. There are divocees support groups everywhere, you can talk o people in the same situation as you.

Good luck

Answer 5

How could have had a child with the worst man in the world when I had 3 with him. Point is there are a lot f losers out there and we just have to try harder as mothers to support our children and make sure our sons don't turn out to be losers like their loser dads. Find your strength within yourself..that way you will always have it. Take care and love your child and be the rock he needs. You will be okay, trust me, I been living the life for almost 8 years now.

Answer 6

a few things:

1. If you need strength and support.....insure that you access that support......through family and friends, but also through the community. If you have insurance, contact a licensed therapist who can offer you lots of support and ideas on how to handle this situation. If you do not have insurance, see if there is a community mental health centre in your community that offers free counselling. There may also be a phone counselling line in your area where you could talk to someone on the phone who could offer a supportive ear.

2. Although this man may be "th worst person", he is still your son's father. Do not say negative things about his father. Your son will only resent this! If your son's welfare is your primary concern, you will shield him as much as you can from the conflict you have with his father.

3. Take Care of yourself! Find time, even if it is only 1 minute every day to do something special for yourself....excercise.....a warm bath.....listen to music.....relax.....

4. Take time to listen to your son and hear what he thinks about this custody dispute. If he is older than 6, he probably can probably tell you a lot of things that may open your eyes to how he is getting through this. If he is younger than 6.....he may not be able to express himself with words....but through coloring....drawing....or other non-verbal modes of expression.

good luck

Answer 7

im speaking from the male side of the question, and a little thealogacal has well, i share custody with my ex. we have a great relationship, is your future ex doing this to hurt you?, i assum he genuly loves your son? so do you not want him to see your son because you choose to let him be in pain? you know when ur son grows up he will find the answers to these questions. of why his parents choose to fight over him all the time, making him feel he wished he was never born. now if you both truely do love your son, he is not a pawn! he is a living breathing person! learn to try and get along with each other, or risk hurting your child in the end!

Answer 8

I no that it is difficult, and my babys daddy would only see the lil one to get back at me, not because his interest was to c his son, when we was in the relationship he never did niothing for his son then suddenly when we break up he starts taking interest, Dont worry, you have to be patient you son will soon be able to speek his mind, and will realise what type of father he has, and also is this all new, you need to give it time maybe when you both move on the contact may not be quite as much reguler?

stay patient talk to people, and pray to god, try positive thinking books they help. take care hon XXX and good lk you will make it dont worry, this is all just a part of life

Answer 9

I don't understand why the custody was worked out that your child goes every other day with his/her father. Your attorney isn't working for you like he/she should, provided you have one. If not I suggest you get one. It's very, let me stress that, VERY, difficult for a father to get custody. He would need to prove you totally unfit to get custody and in most cases (at least from my view point) the father usually gets granted every other weekend visitation not every other day. Your child is approaching school age so there's no way that can continue.

Answer 10

Is the guy abusive to your son? Is he a good father to your son?

If you say no to the first question and yes to the second, then whatever personal problems the two of you have should not be reflected in your son's visits with his father either by your words or deeds!

If he's an abusive father, see what you can do to prove it.

You need to move on for your sake and your son's.

Answer 11

we must have both had a baby with the same guy!!! cuz i could swear i chose the worst person in the world to get knocked up by. i am having the same issue with the custody battle.....be strong and never ever give up. your child is your future...he is worth the fight!