my husband prefers to stay on the computer or eat...he rarely helps with the kids and believe me we have discussed this alot,nothing I have done or said makes him help more!I can beg,cry,yell,ask nicely? NOTHING has helped! I love him and splitting up is NOT an option,any suggestions? SERIOUS ones only please,no lame stuff! Im at my breaking point and need a resolution!
2006-07-27 09:03:34 · 17 answers · asked by adc7492 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am a stay at home mom but am ONLY so due to his request I was a CNA and he and I agreed that for the children it would be best if I stayed home and he also THEN agreed how much he would help and is now not doing that!he seems to have lost interest in pretty much everything,except the 3 letter word.... anyways hope that helps
2006-07-27 09:14:28 · update #1
he did counseling a while,but got mad,he said the shrink was a quack. go figure! lol
you all have given great advice thank you so much.he isnt chatting,just doing yahoo questions,which is how I found them! and looking for car parts,paint etc the guy thang...thanks again
2006-07-27 09:17:18 · update #2
Running a house and raising kids is not just a full time job it's two jobs. Your a superwoman, and your husband thinks he's done his part by making the money. Well, you need a break to. He gets a break at work and from work. Why not you. When he is home with you he has just as much responsibility of those children and the house hold as you. I bet he wouldn't make it one day doing everything you do for your family. He needs to wake up and realize it's 2006. It's not 1806. Women have rights and should be treated like human beings with pains and emotions just like everyone else. If he loves you he will help you. He maybe upset when you tell him how much this bothers you, but if he truly cares he'll shape up. If he doesn't then there's your sign. It took two of you to make those kids. It takes two of you to care and attend to them.
2006-07-28 13:20:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
Does he work? Does he not help at all? I have this same problem with my wife. I don't believe I should have to certain things around the house. That's the way I was raised, and as long as I work, help with the kids I don't think I should have to do much else. I'm not saying that it's right or wrong, but it's the way I was raised and I'm perfectly happy with that. If your husband feels this strongly also, good luck. He will not change, no matter what you do or say. My wife has had to get used to the fact that I will not clean, sweep, mop, or especially wash clothes. She has had to be content with a compromise in which I agree to do SOMETHING, say... wash the dishes. It's not enough, but it's better than nothing. Find areas to compromise with him (small victories), and if he's a good father and bread winner, shut up, stop nagging and adjust. If he's not, leave him, he's worthless.
I'm sure you don't like hearing this, but I know lots of guys going through this same hell, and given the chance to speak honestly, they would tell you the same thing.
Men are men, and they have been the way they are for ages. They will continue be this way no matter what. What is worth to you to have a man? Households all over the Western world engage in battle over this same issue. Take heart.
Sounds like he's a pretty good guy. If he still wants sex with you, he's probably not into somebody else. Your at home all day, he's at work, give the guy a friggin break. If you're at home all day, to the work yourself (of course you'll need some time away from the house, push that issue with him). Don't listen to all these tyrannical, bitter, divorced spinsters, unless you want to end up in the same place with them. Guys who work, are faithful, and like having sex with their wives are a hot commodity. Don't take us for granted. The women of today don't seem to have a good grasp of this situation. Talk to your grandmother or women with some real wisdom, they'll set you straight.
2006-07-27 09:18:53 · answer #2 · answered by 7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well being a gentleman I may not name your husband what I might love to. We had a an identical challenge most effective so much more youthful. Almost misplaced my spouse in childbirth and such as you she was once instructed to not have any youngsters. I went and had the vasectomy. I was once again house via midday with an ice bag at the discipline. Went to paintings the next day to come. Had a sperm scan performed and acquired the all transparent. If some thing it extended our intercourse existence. Try making certain your husband knows that it may not make him any much less of a person for your eyes and that it's going to make him appear bigger actually. Under you acknowledged details there's no manner I might have intercourse. If no longer deliberating your possess existence suppose what might occur on your youngsters if they did not have their mom.
2016-08-28 16:57:13 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you have the answer and it did not work, all y ou can do is ask and beg, cry etc! I know the feeling and am no longer married, i would rather be alone and do it alone than be married and do it alone. Maybe suggest counseling? Or tell him im leaving if you can't help me?? Also, from experience usually depending on what they are doing on the computer, he could be having an affair or just having "fun" while you are doing all the work...Hope it gets better
2006-07-27 09:13:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say a lot about your situation - Are you a stay at home mom while he works outside the home? If so, the home is your JOB!
Do you both work Full time outside the home?
Perhaps you should look to get someone in to help you clean?
The best thing to know in a marriage is what you can change and what you can't about the other person and accept that.
Additions -
Really - if you are at home Fulltime that IS your JOB (sorry /just a fact) If you don't like it go back to work and hire to get it done
2006-07-27 09:11:11 · answer #5 · answered by roadrunner426440 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do nothing for him. Let him help himself, You have to stop talking about it and show him that you are serious and need his help, if you are a stay at home mom than you need the help even if its an hour a day so that you can have time to yourself other wise you will crack. You still have to take care of yourself and your children but you do not have to take care of a grown man. The other option is to have someone who has seen him not helping who is close to him point it out. this could be a brother or maybe his good friend.
2006-07-27 09:15:28 · answer #6 · answered by Priceless 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex was the same way. I actually threw the moniter because that is all he would do. All I can suggest is that when he is at work take the power cord away and when he comes looking for it maybe he will know you are serious. Since you have already discussed it what does he have to say about it?? Is he talking on chat rooms?? What is so important to pass your daily family life by? Good luck sweetie I hope he wakes up and helps you. That is one of the reasons my ex is my ex.
2006-07-27 09:13:11 · answer #7 · answered by daack7 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what is so exciting going on on his computer! try to find out, you might be surprised, in a bad way!... hopefully not! stop trying to do everything you used to to if it's too much for you to bear. take care of the necessary things for the house, yourself and your babies, but not him. tell him start taking his clothes to the laundromat, or do it yourself, at his expense. tell him to pick up his dinner on the way home and eat it when he gets home. tell him nicely that you have no more strenght left and that he is being inconsiderate to you. leave the house dirty for a while, he will notice. when i leave things undone for a long time - a few days- like dishes by the sink, my husband will eventually clean them and pack them away. if you have family nearby u can trust tell him nicely that you are taking the kids there with u for a while so you can have some time to refresh yourself because in case he hasn't noticed, you have worked yourself to the bone. if you tell him this you have to be prepared to follow through. last, if u can afford, hire a maid to do a few things, like the laundry, or the floors, it will be his expense, but tell him wthout the extra help, it's far too overwhelming for you! if he can't understand what you have been trying to tell him nicely, he will have to feel, and men feel most when you hit their wallets! good luck! i'll pray for a breakthrough for you...
2006-07-27 09:19:31 · answer #8 · answered by lulu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about setting a time limit for the computer the way you set a time limit for the kids to watch TV? I have to monitor myself on this darn thing. I don't allow myself to get on the computer until a list of chores has been completed. That way I don't spend the time here and ignore my job or home.
2006-07-27 09:09:28 · answer #9 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you feel that this relationship is going anywhere? It's not going to get better, it'll only get worse. Once a man knows you'll do everything, it'll only go down hill. Is this love? No. Love is mutual, give and take....not I do for you, and you soak everything up like a sponge. Oh, and if you cut sex off, he'll just go elsewhere. That won't help, either.
2006-07-27 09:10:51 · answer #10 · answered by Laurie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋