EX INLAWS WONT STAY OUT OF NEW Marriage?

Question

I was married to a man 1 year his family wouldnt not stay out of our business we are now divorced and dateing each other again but we are hideing it because he is afraid of his family opinion I say if you love me its our business not thiers and if it keeps as a hidden thing I will be gone we are in our 40s this is our choice not his familys am I not right? an how do I get him to stand up to them ? I wanted to go out for a walk with him a few nights ago an we couldnt because he was afraid someone would see us togeather :( this is not right but I love him so for time being I deal with it. well noit sure saying I deal with it is right because it made me cry

we are spending everyday an night togeather it is just hidden :( his first wife passed away 9 yrs ago think its time to let him live life again this is not even blood family interfering its his first wifes family WHAT A MESS

I was married for 17 yrs my first marriage this is was 2nd marriage when I married 2nd time I felt I could not imagine my life without this man and its been non stop stress from the family an yet my love for him I keep dealing with the BS from the family to be able to be with him the sad part is the destroy my marriage an now I am seeing him again an they dont know it an still are having effect on us because we keep it hidden I said if we love each other there should be no secret having to hide we are back togeather

thank you all that have responded you have all pretty much said the things I have thought about its just hard to love someone so much and know that the things that are being asked of me are wrong in hideing that we are back togeather I feel he needs to stand up for me / us or I will get tired of it an call it quits in response to why his family doesnt like me its not me it would have been anyone he ended up with they are very cold and controling people

Answer 1

Sounds like to me that he's is ashamed to admit to his family that he is with you again. Drop him.

Answer 2

Are you sure this is his only reason, the family thing? He sounds like someone who has something else going on that he'd rather you not know. Besides, you are both consenting adults who just happened to have been married before, there's not any true reason for you to hide your relationship this late in life. That's kid stuff he's pulling with you, and he's going to do it as long as he can get away with it. Make up your mind if you want to be mature about this or not, tell him you don't & won't hide like a criminal any more and you might get the truth out of him.

Answer 3

You poor dear! I am not a marriage counselor but i would suggest that you need to make a decision. Either you decide that he is worth putting up with this and except that it is not going to change or you decide that you are worth more than he is giving you. Change is hard but can be made. If you decide you want change then by all means, help him see the light. It may come slowly but by starting out slow and asking for respect is something you have a right to do! Make boundaries and ask him to stand by them. Neither of you are children and should not be governed by his parents rules and choices. You just need to decide that you are worth the respect he is obviously not able to give you without some guidance on your part. Have you figured out why they are against you? Is it something personal or just their way of hanging on to him? Maybe you could find a way of letting them see that their family would benefit from your presence in it so they will not see you as a threat to them but as someone who has a valuable place in their lives as well as their sons. Good luck, I suspect you have a long, hard road ahead of you but one that can be traveled with great rewards at the end.

Answer 4

I am afraid that if he hasn't started sticking up to them by now he probably won't. If the thought of you leaving him isn't enough for him to wake up a realize what he has to do then I don't see how things would ever change. He is a grown man and doesn't need anybodies approval to make his own decisions. I'm afraid you married a boy and not a man. Leaving is entirely up to you but chances are if things havent changed by now they probably won't. You deserve more than a husband that has to hide you. I'm not a big fan of ultimatums, and to be honest I don't know if I have ever heard a problem where one was merited, but in this case I don't see you have any other choice. I do advise you though if you issue you be prepared to stand by whatever decision he makes.

Answer 5

When my husband and I first married the families wouldn't stay out of our business. We moved completely out of the country for a time, that allowed us to bond together, but when we got home sick and moved back we moved to close to family, we had to move away again but not overseas. You can hangup a phone, you can burn letters, you can even have selective number blocking. If you know they are coming you can be out of town.

That would be the best bet if you two really love each other, is find a place to move to, if your in-laws live in Florida move to the west coast and vice versa. We were lucky the company my husband worded for had offices worldwide, perhaps you can see to transferring within your company.

Answer 6

I can understand the complexity of this situation. He is in the middle though and I understand, that sometimes you just don't want certain people in your business. If it is that much of an issue you can always do things in another town or city not far away and maybe that's what is needed, some DISTANCE!! Present this to him and he may concur, if your a little further away then the nosies can't sniff you out!

Answer 7

Your Right! It's none of any body's business not even for inlaws. They must really be pressuring your husband so much that it's driving him crazy. It would be so wonderful if you both could move far away from those fools and enjoy your lives together. Think about moving - cause if you do move you won't have to pick up your phone when and if they ever call, they'll be sorry for their actions and words they tell your husband about you or your relationship.

Answer 8

This man really needs to grow up, but he may not have it in him. You need to set some boundaries for this relationship. Maybe he doesn't have to tell his family right now, but if not, when does he plan to tell them? Don't let him just string you along. Make him decide when. You shouldn't have to stand up to his family--he should stand up for you and protect you. Talk to him about what you need him to do for you. Be very specific. Ask him what he needs from you, and really consider if it's something you can give. If he can't stand up for you and face his family, maybe he is just not man enough to be married.

Answer 9

If my ex in laws not going to leave me alone then they can go bother someone else. I have my choice and my life to be with and what I want not them.

My wife knows that if she passed away and I have my kids and I will move to my family my dad and mom not her mom and dad no way jose.

I think that he need to stand up and believe what he want to believe and i am 35 in 5 years I will be 40 and I think he needs to be man enough. and you are right it not fair. and If he can't stand up how will you now he will stand up for you????????

So really think and tell him make the choice you either stand up or end it.

Answer 10

Come on now - you both are in your 40's not kids. Take the bull by its horns and tell them to butt out. Your happiness is at stake.
Do it. If he doesn't like tell him to go jump off a bridge. He is just not worth it then.

Answer 11

ever thought of it was meant to be...ya know wic cheese does not go on a roast beef sandwich...only veleeta does....poor guy the first sandwich is always hard to put down when hungry...his family needs to make him a different sandwich