We got married really young, cause of a baby, and obvioulsy everything was a disaster, we got separated and every time we saw each other was really violent, then i decided to do everything to make her happy, i would fold and take the blame in every fight. And well i focused on my son and my job and everything was ok, but then on a high school reunion i meet with a girl i had strong feelings (still do) and she told me that she had the same fillings for me, we started seen each other (without sex) and one day we decide to stop for the sake of our relationships (she is involved with someone).
But the last day we meet my wife found out, i tried to explain her that we were friends currently, that nothing had happened, but she went balistic; after we dealed with it, we got back togheter and she has been really nice all the time, but no mater how good things are between me and my wife (sexually and everything else) i just can't stop thinking about this other woman, Should i divorce? help me!!
2006-07-27 07:22:00 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are creating a fantasy and your imagination is filling in the gaps between the things you know about your old schoolmate. It is all based on what you wish your life was like now. Stop! It's not real. Both of you are currently involved with other people for a reason.
Too bad you got married because of a child. That is a hefty responsibility to place on an unborn child.
Why would you want to raise a child in a violent relationship? Children live what they learn from their parents. Best gift to a child is a happy relationship with your partner, or happy without one.
You can't make anyone happy, and they are wrong to expect you to. You can only inspire feelings, not create them.
Do you want out of the marriage? If not, then fix it! You can inspire change by modifying your behavior. The other peoson is forced to react differently. It takes effort on both sides, but you need to step up and be the hero.
Take the high road in all situations, and DO NOT give in to spite! It is non-productive to try to make someone else hurt because you do. You will gain some understanding and insight by being more empathetic. Turn the tables in your mind.....what if you were in your wife's shoes and she betrayed you?
Any relations with other women that don't invole her, is a betrayal (not just to her, but your child).
You are only fantasizing about her becuase you are unhappy with your life now. Make an effort to find out why, and take action to correct it!
Good luck1
2006-07-27 07:48:15 · answer #1 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When things get rough in a relationship other people have a way of looking perfect to us. So far you have only seen the good side of this other girl but thats just because you haven't spent enough time with her to see her faults. We all have them and I can assure you she does too. I by no means like the idea of you having to fold and take the blame in every argument and I sure wouldn't advise staying in a relationship that has a tendency to get violent. People sometimes stay because of children and I personally think thats the best reason to leave. Children are very perceptive and you don't want them growing up thinking that your (both of you) behavior is normal. If you love you wife and can see yourself still being together in 5-10 years then try to work it out. On the other side of that note don't postpone the inevitable. If you know its not going to work out the longer you stay the worse off it will be when you try to leave. You have to do whats best for you and for your child. Leave the other girl alone and I promise you will stop thinking about her. Its not that she's that special its just that she is different that what you have been use to for the last 5 years. Anybody would be appealing to you right now since things aren't good with your wife but its not fair to anybody involved that you start a new relationship until you figure out what you are going to do about your current one.
2006-07-27 07:36:00 · answer #2 · answered by amyclay350 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is truly violent when she doesn't get her way, then you need to figure out how to protect your son. That may mean leaving and taking him with you if you can, or staying and being a protection for him if you can't.
It's not surprising, however, that your wife reacted strongly to you having a girlfriend on the side, even if you were only "friends." You say that now things are pretty good with your wife, and it is just these wayward thoughts about the other woman that are the problem. You CAN change that!!
Stop those thoughts in their tracks every time they come to mind. Give no time, energy, or thought to that other woman. Instead, focus your time, energy, and thoughts on your wife. Try to think up ways to express love towards her. If you do not "feed" the thoughts about the other woman, your feelings for her will die. If you nurture the love you have for your wife, it will grow. And you, your son, and your wife will all benefit.
2006-07-27 07:31:55 · answer #3 · answered by happygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u are w/ someone u don't love, and force urself to stay.. it wreaks havoc on u mentally and physically, and on ur relationship. u are not being truthful or fair to urself and ur partner. since u have kids, of course it's good to stay together for their sake.. but for them to live thru such a tumultuous thing as what u have been thru w/ ur wife is reaaallly hard on the kids too. i think u need to decide if ur wife is indeed the wrong woman.. no matter how hard u work, she's not enough for you. then it might be better for u to get a divorce. but if u are leaving her because u want to get w/ this h.s. girl, it is a bad idea; u have no idea how that will turn out, and u may end up w/ nothing but a lost fling AND a divorce. is it really worth it? figure out and do ur best to make this relationship work; even if u fold and do everything she says, that's not necessarily a healthy relationship. u have to respect, admire, and take care of each other, not be scared that she thinks ur cheating, or give her the opportunity to not trust you. it's just recipe for disaster... if u don't trust urself to stay committed, let her find someone who will do that for her. if u want to be that one for her, become a good husband and father who loves his wife, and will take care of her no matter what temptations or other things come up in ur relationship. u married her for a reason right? go to counseling, or really think about what u want...this h.s. woman could be a longing for what u *think* could be great, but ur not guaranteed anything w/her.
2006-07-27 07:30:40 · answer #4 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not happy and you see your marriage not going anywhere then maybe you should get a divorce, but think it through really good cause these feelings you have for this other woman can just be a fantasy and it will all blow up in your face. You may regret it later, but if you don't love your wife then you will never love her....and shame on you for getting married just cause you had a baby, those marriages never work. You should marry cause you truely love the other person and want to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with them not just for an obligation that you will later resent............
2006-07-27 07:52:06 · answer #5 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide to be with your wife or not. If you are, then jump in with both feet and stop being a pussy. If you are not totally committed, you are dead anyway, so why prolong the misery and agony, and suffer? Get the hell out. Perhaps it is time to man up and do the right thing. You figure out what it is.
2006-07-27 07:32:31 · answer #6 · answered by Kenny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is sacred - when you decided to get back together and try - you should stay in there and try. Lust is talking at this point - try to focus on your wife and child forget about the other girl. Most divorces are because someone in the marriage wants someone else. Try harder and keep your current family.
2006-07-27 07:31:52 · answer #7 · answered by Leila 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce because of the violence or what would be the best interest of the baby- not because of involvement with someone else. The new relationship would be jeopardized if you leave under those terms. Leave because it won't work- than chill for awhile, find yourself, than move on to a new relationship. If you cheat-if they do it with you they will do it to you
2006-07-27 07:30:15 · answer #8 · answered by H B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. You screwed up and now must pay. The sad part is you have a kid. You both are in need of counseling; you sound so selfish. What about the kid? I guess you do not care.
2006-07-27 07:46:10 · answer #9 · answered by ndmac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if she is in another relationship, you may not turn out the lucky one. If things are going better for you and your wife, take it from there and keep making it better for you and your son.
2006-07-27 07:28:36 · answer #10 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋