Please - my ex is an alcoholic. we divorced wehn the youngest was one. He recently accepeted a new position. he emailed me today to inform me that he refuses to follow the visitation agreement the court imposed - he wants me to pay for all new sitting to maximize home time with my kids i am scheduled 12 hrs or more on many of the days he just decided to drop.!) what do i do? he is getting nasty in the emails - saing i refuse to cooperate, wont help out, dont let him see the kids - etc. what is a mom to do? other than calling an attorney, i can not think of a solution. what legal action can i take, or how can i protect my family? the additional babysitting costs might make me go under!
2006-07-27 06:59:54 · 11 answers · asked by excellentneedswork 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
i have to work every other weekend. until this point, he has lived at home with his parents who were the ones really spending time with the kids. in addition, their aunt and cousins lived down the street. i am ok with her there for a day visit, but cringe abt overnights.
2006-07-28 10:21:53 · update #1
The way I understand your question is...he has scheduled visitation but is refusing to visit on those days. He is asking you to give him other days to visit in exchange for those which have been ordered by the court.
You are not required by law to change any of those days. If he is unable to visit his children on the days agreed to in the divorce he can try and work out another arrangement with you, he can skip those days of visitation, or he can go back to court to try and have the days changed.
You have done nothing wrong and you DO NOT have to comply with his change of schedule. It sounds like he is inconveniencing you, not the other way around.
A Judge will probably tell him to get his poop in a scoop and play nice if he wants to continue to see his kids.
If he keeps threatening you that he is going to take you back to court tell him "Good, because I am going to ask for a raise in child support based on all of the additional daycare costs you are causing me". He will back down in a hurry.
Good Luck!
2006-07-27 07:40:37 · answer #1 · answered by Lodiju 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Okay, let's make sure I have this straight. Your ex is an alcoholic and you want to maximize the time he has with your children so you don't have to pay a babysitter and he can't have a new position. I think you need organize your priorities.
If he's got a new job and is making more money, you can get more child support. More child support pays for more day care. More day care actually,in most places, will increase the child support due from the non-custodial parent.
What you need to do is save his communications and file for a modification of visitation and child support. Visitation and child support change over time for pretty much everybody in your situation. It is inevitable as the children grow, job come and go, and all kinds of unforeseen situations arise.
Remember, too, that you aren't doing ex a "favor" accomodating reasonable changes in his visitation schedule. You're doing it for your kids. Many studies show that children of divorce parents do much better when both parents are involved in their upbringing. Children from broken marriages who has a disinterested parent have much high incidence of drug use, crime, and school problems. Kids need two half-way decent parents. Factor that into your decisions.
2006-07-27 15:10:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has the visitation already been signed and agreed to? He can take you to court, but save the emails and anything else like answering machine recordings or voice mail recordings, and display those as your reason why you would prefer to keep current visitation or limit it even further.
You might be able to force him to pay the sitting costs as part of child support payments if it ends up back in court.\
Wow some of you have a really warped sense of what's good for the kids of an alcoholic parent.. I've seen what happens with that ****, and it's never good. My boyfriends father is an alcoholic with a gambling addiction as well, and that man is anything but a good man.
2006-07-27 14:04:36 · answer #3 · answered by sovereign_carrie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok I am going thrugh the same thing my attorney told me to write a letter to him and tell him that it is court ordered and that since he can not see him on his days he needs to pay the childcare for all the hours, it is legal in Minnesota, a couple days later send it to him again make a copy of both. Then take it to Social Services or a judge he should be required to pay all fees, plus he could get in a lot of trouble for not following a court order.
I know it sucks but hang in there don't let him get away with it.
2006-07-27 14:08:31 · answer #4 · answered by boredgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember the courts decide what the visitation schedule is - not the husband. If he is breaking the court order - you have the legal right to dispute it. Just stick to what the aggreements says - save emails and unfortuately pay a lawyer again if you need to make it stick.
2006-07-27 14:04:26 · answer #5 · answered by fffrrreeeddd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are using him as a free babysitter. If he is an alcoholic but now has a new position, this could be good for him in the future. What is good for him is good for your kids. If he succeeds in getting a good steady job he will also be in a better position to help his children financially in the future. Why would you need to "protect" your family or see an attorney?
2006-07-27 14:10:19 · answer #6 · answered by petlover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let the courts decide this. Your Ex accepted a new job, he has a right to a future also. I assume he is paying child support. Your baby sitting problems are not all his problem. Maybe you need to adjust the payments, or perhaps he is in better position to raise the kids and you pay him child support.
2006-07-27 14:09:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it doesnt matter what he wants. These are only threats. Talk is cheap. Is he rich? Will he actually get a lawyer? Right now dont worry. He likes intimidating you it seems. Chauvanistic men enjoy that stuff. If he gets a lawyer THAT IS WHEN to take action or if he violates something legal then it can be reported.
2006-07-27 14:05:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call your attorney. If he does not follow the schedule, take him back to court to be held in contempt. Let him say that stuff to a judge.
I suggest you continue to let him see the kids since it is court ordered.
2006-07-27 14:04:07 · answer #9 · answered by Salem 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you take him to court they won't "hold him in contempt". The judge would only want to change the visitation schedule... maybe cut back his visitation. You as legal guardian are ultimately responsible.
2006-07-27 14:08:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋