I am at a cross road. I need to make some decisions...I'm in counselling. I need to find reasons to stay or go. Any suggestions?
2006-07-27 06:54:11 · 16 answers · asked by windthatawakens 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No-one can answer this but you.
There are many pros and cons for each option, but at the end of the day, are you ever going to be happy if you stay? If it's possible, then work at it. If not, then go. Kids are no reason to stay. My stepson is ecstatically happy with our shared arrangement with his mum, because everyone is always happy to see him. There's no tension in his 'homes', everyone spends time with him because they also have their free time too when he's with the other parent.
Put the kids to one side - you'll still see them (I hope), they;ll still love you (even if they're a bit angry at first, depending on age). Is life for everyone going to be better for everyone concerned apart (once the pain has died down) or can life be better together.
You only have one life.......... unless you believe in reincarnation, and then I suppose you may have a justification for martyrdom!
2006-07-27 07:03:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure if you are a man or woman but I'm assuming a woman. You didn't say how old your kids are or how close they are to their other parent. There is no stigma attached to being divorced and coming from divorced homes these days. You shouldn't stay for the kids sake but the divorce could affect them in some way. I was married for 20 years and was unhappy for years but didn't think I could cope with 3 kids alone. I would have had to move from a large house to a flat and having not worked while I had kids wasnt sure if I could get a job. Those things made me hesitate.
In the end I waited till they were teenagers and bailed out. My eldest kids were fine but my youngest still blames me for breaking up the marriage. From a purely selfish angle it was the best thing I could have done. I met someone much more suited to me and am getting remaried 5 years later.
2006-07-28 03:59:07 · answer #2 · answered by jaygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're in counseling, then you've got some major issues... hard to say whether to stay or not without knowing you right?
Depends of if there's still love left to work with and rekindle the fire. If you two are at the point where you fight all the time and you're just staying because of the kids, then I'd say separate because you both won't be happy and that 'hate' for the relationship is eventually going to boil over to the kids. Just move on and find your true soul mates because you're not with them now...
2006-07-27 13:59:27 · answer #3 · answered by DarthFangNutts 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reasons to stay: You love him, you are happy inside, you think that he offers something that is genuinely going to make you happy, would you miss him if he was gone for 6 months?
Reasons to go: You feel happier when he is not around, you simply dont love him anymore,you are scared to be on your own! I know that seems a bit weird, but its true!
As for the kids - never stay in an unhappy marriage for the kids. They will be miserable and so will you. And in a few years time (how ever old they are) you will be at home with an unhappy marriage and your kids will have flown the nest. And you will be older and its harder to start over.
2006-07-27 14:04:30 · answer #4 · answered by Moi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I stuck it out in an unhappy marriage for too long before actually talking about separation with my wife. We have 3 children - but decided it was more 'cruel' on them to live a lie and pretend everything was ok - than to explain to them that things weren't working out. They now live in Ireland while I am in the UK - I am able to visit regularly and they visit me equally regularly. There are times, situations and places when I miss the children terribly - but it's amazing how much they can understand and how well they adapt - even when very young. I am in a very happy relationship now and my wife is seeing someone else too. The children pick up on your happiness! As has been said in other answers - children are not a good enough reason to stay in an unhappy marriage. Good luck with your journey, God bless.
2006-07-28 04:29:16 · answer #5 · answered by pyronaught2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids should never be a reason to be in a bad marriage. Through counseling of my own every therapist said its worse on the kids to stay in a bad relationship than to go seperate ways. In the long they will learn a valueable lesson, i mean you dont want them to grow up and be in the same situation do you?
2006-07-27 13:59:19 · answer #6 · answered by arreis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can answer this question for you simply because there are not enough deatils that you have given.Since you are looking at potentially a life changing event you need to take a very very long and hard look at how your life has been.You must have loved your partner at some stage.Are you simply refusing to look at the good times? Only you know in your heart of hearts what the truth is.
2006-07-27 20:46:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not necessarily always worthwhile to stay together for the sake of the children. My parents split up when me and my sisters were young (9, 6 and 3) and we have always been able to keep in close contact with our father. I don't feel like I missed out on anything and I am grateful to my parents for deciding that they could bring us up equally well, despite not living together, as I may have had to endure a childhood full of negativity between them otherwise. They get on pretty well with each other now and I accept that they changed as they grew up. Perhaps you should literally make a list, decide to be honest with yourself and see how you feel about the answers. Goodluck, I hope everything works out for you and your family.
2006-07-27 14:08:29 · answer #8 · answered by purpleandroid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa!! Back that truck back up for a second.
Do you love her? When you married her, did you promise until death do you part? Did she die?
Ok, let's be logical. Marriage does take work. Life takes work to make it work. But people get ideas that once they get married, life will be so much easier! It is not! You are entwining two lives, two very different lives usually and that's hard. You will have problems, but it's worth to stick it out. There will be rewards, and you do have children. If you leave, you will be hurting your children, more then you realize.
2006-07-27 14:26:40 · answer #9 · answered by ~~Catbird Woman~~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to consider how long you and your husband have been together. If you have a long history then its definately worth staying to together and trying to work things out.
Also, what kind of problems are you having- are they small things that you can work out together by talking things through? Or are they bigger issues, such as trust? Although you need to consider your children, the worst thing to do is to stay together just for them.
Dont be to quick to throw things away.
2006-07-27 14:00:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋