I am recently divorced. He walked away from our marriage in order to be single, party, never having to answer to anyone. It was a harsh experience. I never once imagined my marriage ending. I loved my ex with all my heart, and that's what made the entire experience even worse. I won't lie, I think of him nearly every day. I think of the good and bad. I consider if I'd ever take him back. It's hard to just forget something you gave your whole heart to. My family and Church has helped keep me grounded and sane. But two weeks ago, one of the older couples at church- their grand daughter and her husband started attending services where I go. When I first saw him, I just stopped. I took a second look. He's tall, slim, blonde (even styles his hair the same), dresses the same. It's so surreal. I don't mean to stare or look to often. But when I see him, my ex is all I see. I have found myself wishing that it indeed is Zach. How can I cope or deal with this new situation?
2006-07-27 06:38:28 · 9 answers · asked by ridersinthesky11 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm not lusting after this man or whatnot. What I'm saying is that when I see him, I wish that Zach were there. I realize our marriage is over, I know that he's moved on and his "happy" living life the way he does. What I'm saying is, when I see this young man it just bring back everything. I get excited at first because I think "Zach's come back"... And then I'm brought back to reality with, "It's just Mr. so and so's grandson-in-law, it's not Zach". I sought counseling several months ago and attended faithfully. He thought that I was dealing well and no longer needed his services. And since, I've found it hard to cope at times. I get someowhat down and out. I have to have a good cry sometimes. I don't want to feel this way. And I confided in my sister last week that I'm afraid of becoming depressed. I've considered seeking counseling again, but at the same time it seems that talking about it just makes it worse. I want to be fully happy and move on, it's just hard now.
2006-07-27 07:10:11 · update #1
I think that you should seek counseling. My husband left me after 4years of marriage and my 1st child being born. I was devistated and severly depressed but having my child helped me through it. I cried all the time and just couldn't see me living my life without him, he was first and only love and I loved him with my whole heart and soul........it will take you a long time to get past it but you will always miss and love your ex no matter what, it will just be easier with time. Me and my ex were seperated for a year and actively going through a divorce, fortunately we got back together and he stopped the divorce and now we have another baby....but we still have problems because of what he did. He destroyed the love i had for him at one time and it is hard for me to trust him and i don't think that i could ever love him the way i did before all of this......now i think it would have been better off if we just got a divorce and moved on cause all the pain that he caused me has not healed......i'm just saying stop wishing that Zach were back, move on, keep busy and if it were meant to be, maybe once Zach grows up and grows out of the partying stage and your paths cross again you guys can start over......its just a thought but i truely believe that if you love him and let him go and it were meant to be he will realize what he did and come back around if you permit it. Go out and meet new people and keep BUSY very important........the memories will eat you alive if you let it
2006-07-27 07:47:16 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Focus on reality, what's happening NOW. You have to accept that the past is already gone, and you should move forward and pursue different experiences. People often think more about their past more than the present and that keeps them from growing and reaching great goals. You are in love with just a mirage now, there is nothing there anymore. I think you should set new goals for yourself by involving yourself with more activities outside of church and meeting new people (support groups, YWCA, gym, etc). It doesn't matter if it's Zach or not you see at church. Look at where he is and where you are now. He's married, with grand kids, and you're still in the same place where he left you years ago. Think about it.
2006-07-27 06:48:34 · answer #2 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Bible says to "take every thought captive" (2 Corinthians 2:6). We could all avoid much trouble if we practiced this regularly. Every time you have any thoughts about this man (or about your ex, for that matter), give the thought over to God. Say a simple, short prayer to keep focused on the truth. Then refocus your attention on something else. Don't ever let your mind wallow in those thoughts--they will just become stronger if you do. I imagine there is a sort of sweet pain that comes with gazing at this look-a-like, resist it however. If you don't "feed" it, the feeling will die.
2006-07-27 06:49:02 · answer #3 · answered by happygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
remember the pain that your ex caused you and be wary of causing anyone else that pain. stay away from the man you saw at church, he is not your ex, just someone who looks like him.
2006-07-27 06:44:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek professional help to help you get over your ex.
Good luck!
2006-07-27 06:44:02 · answer #5 · answered by qti36 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not over him. You need to see a counselor.
2006-07-27 06:50:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to get councelling in order to move on with your life and be happy.
2006-07-27 06:45:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't. He's married...end of story.
2006-07-27 06:44:38 · answer #8 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is it your ex though?
2006-07-27 06:55:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋