How do you know when to give up on your marriage?

Question

My husband was thrilled to find out we were having a baby, but now needs to get stuff out of his system. He has since then started treating me poorley, not coming home till 5 or 6 in the morning after working all day. I am now staying at my parents and have not taked to him nore has he contacted me. Did i mention I am a high risk pregnancy and I'm on bed rest? I never beleived in divorce, and I don't want my son to not have his parents together. When do you say enough is enough though?

Answer 1

When you have tryed your very best and still getting or feeling hurt.. Life is to short to be unhappy..

Answer 2

Usually, pregnancy is a good indicator if a husband is worth keeping. A husband who feels he was pressured into having a family will become aloof, resentful, bitter, and evidently unhappy about the fact he married his pregnant wife to begin with.

However, that does not mean he is altogether hopeless. Therefore, divorce shouldn't be immediately considered.

One of the positives of pregnancies is that it lasts 8 months. In 8 months, a man can grow up very quickly. If after the child is born and his behavior is still abnormal (coming home at 5am after work day is a sign of cheating), I suggest immediate counseling.

From counseling, you will both be able to understand why each of you are behaving the way you are. Maybe you snapped at him and he was hurt and needed to get away from you to think free of the noise of another argument. Maybe he feels inadequate and has, in his unfocused thoughts, decided to find another sexual partner to create a fantasy that he is being loved or treated more adequately by an available female.

Could be many things. He could be emotionally damaged, possibly the stress has caused his mind to become bi-polar, etc. etc. etc.

The key point I am trying to make is that you are just his wife and not an expert on human behavior. His behavior my require professional help beyond your expertise.

If he refuses, I'd suggest you take counseling so that you can understand that his neglecting of you and your child is not your fault. His abberrant behavior will eventually take its toll on you emotionally, so, it is important that you stay emotionally healthy so that your child will grow up in a better environment.

Through your counseling, you'll be better able to make the decision of divorcing your husband if need be.

Keep your focus on the child first. Try to seek counseling during and after your pregnancy so that you will be able to manage the stresses you are under as a result of your husband's behavior.

I wish you the best! Think positively! You're creating a new life, isn't that beautiful?

Answer 3

It'll hit you and you'll know. I went through years of hell before the brick wall hit me. What you have now is not a marriage, obviously. Don't stay together for the baby.

I wanted out of my marriage, for lots of reasons but then found out I was pregnant. We stayed together for the baby and our oldest two sons. I thought I was doing the honourable thing, the right thing and sacrificed my own happiness and peace of mind for my children. WRONG!! Right after I had my son I realized that I was a single parent all along. He was not contributing to me, the children, our life and I finally realized I was strong enough to make it on my own. I kept thinking, do I want to do this now or wait and see how things go and then try to do it at 40??? I couldn't imagine years more of the stress and unhappiness or starting over at that age. (I was 29)

After I left I realized how unhappy my kids were. You can't hide anything from kids!! So, I made up my mind and left. The kids and I became so close and we made it through together. My yougest was 3 weeks old at that time.

Now I am remarried to the man of my dreams, have 5 kids and couldn't be happier. The best decision I ever made, for EVERYONE!

Answer 4

communication is KEY at this time... and he should be there for you, u are pregnant with HIS CHILD!!! tell him that u feel neglected, unloved, and sad that he is not taking care of u when u need him the most. try not to be angry or accusatory, but just sit and talk w/ him calmly that the way he's ACTING makes u feel that way, and that u don't understand what's going on. your partner should make you feel loved, wanted, supported, and happy; not sad, lonely, depressed and neglected. if he wants to be a good husband, he needs to try. perhaps he has some things he's worried about; not being a good father, not having enough money, not being able to play as much as when there were no children..... but u both decided together that u wanted this baby, so tell him no regrets!! live life in a positive, healthy and happy manner, for the baby's sake (and ur marriage's sake!) don't threaten him, but say u don't want ur baby to be from a divorced family. maybe if u can encourage him to communicate w/ u, u can figure out what's going on. he probalby doesn't want to bug u cuz u are in a high risk situation.... but not confronting problems can actually cause WORSE things!! u are there to be his wife and support and help him thru anything, as he is for you. good luck, and hopefully he will be able to get thru his problems for u and ur baby's sake.

Answer 5

Time........it takes time. He's probley scared of becoming a father and even though you don't need the stress, just give it to him. He's being an azzhole, and you can let him know just how you feel when he does come back, by telling him you are not ready to come back to him, maybe then he will think about what he is doing a little more seriously. Let him sit a week., before you do go home.......or worse comes to worse ....if you have a good looking guy friend, hang out with him for awhile to make your husband jealous. He needs to grow up.

Answer 6

Stephanie you need your rest for the baby...I'm sure he is trilled in you both having the baby but I believe you need to have a talk with your parents...Your husband perhaps even has health problems that he didn't want to make an issue of. Stephanie I believe its natural you know what is the best for your son. Its happened to me my female Yoga teacher was making passes at me while I was pregnant she was giving gymnastics for pregnant mother's even though while I was at the same-time still pregnant my husband was having evening Art Academy there was a young girl chasing after him too. Its a change we have a weak spot in our hearts men have a communicating problem if there in trouble . Its very logical here the moment you had gone to your parents he froze . Don't worry you're doing the right thing. Your parents are going to be there for you. I would start looking for counseling for the support you need assistance Stephanie. I'm so sorry for you but as you may understand it happened to me too this lady and me. After my son was born few months later its was over between us we faded away but as good friends. As for my husband ''Miss horny'' I think my husband had her fade. I've seen her once he had this more often happen it just came his way. Some times you need to find your journey.

Answer 7

It seems that what he wanted at first has turned out to be a mind changer.He's probably cheating on you if he's coming home the next morning. Is he working over time? Maybe, you should just gone call it quits if he's going to act this way. I know cause I don't beleive in divorce either because in the Bible it says intill death does you apart.

Answer 8

Sounds like your husband has freaked out at becoming a parent -- the responsibility appears to have just shattered his ego, or masculinity or has shoved him into becoming an adult and he doesn't like the prospect...... good luck. Sorta natural to be scared of the possibilities of now being responsible for the next 22 years for someone other than yourself. Did you and he talk about this before you got pregnant???? Nowadays couples usually decideTOGETHER if they wish to parent a child.....maybe he figures now that he is trapped, and this is his way of proving to you that he is not, and is showing you that he does indeed still have control of his future. You and he have lots to talk about. Sometimes guys come around, sometimes not....You have nothing to loose if you wait. In your place, I'd not contact him either. It's his move......Be thankful that you have your parents..... Wait and see.... a bit early to call it quits... but if this is the behavior he exhibits 6 months after your child is born, then you will have your answer, and it is time to either get into counceling if he is willing, or for you to just bail, and file. No one whats to have a child alone, but living with a man in denial is even worse..... Good luck, sweetie..

Answer 9

Unfortunately this is the sad part of marrying someone who does not share your views. A man who is this insensitive during a pregnancy is not going to change and staying together will do nothing to help the child. The best gift you give your children is to have a good relationship and that does not seem to be happening. If he won't work this out with you, you need to get out with the least amount of damage.

Answer 10

All you've said here is he sayed out all night and act like a jerk recently. Bad yes, he isn't being supportive but you haven't told us what you've done to correct the problem. You complained or moved out. That isn't much of an effort. You absolutely belive in divorce if that's as far as you'll go to repair your marriage. It is up to you how much you want to do but me personally I would do a lot more than that. If he won't work with you then counseling is the next step. That may take up to a year. Until you've at least done that much, you haven't really done anything.

Answer 11

I'm going throuh the same thing right now my wife always complaint about me working all the time but is not that we don't like u anymore it's just that our jobs is to support u and the family and when I get our from work all tire and then go home to my screaming wife complaining wife, it gets to u to the point that u don't care anymore about what she does next, cause right now he is problably resting. So the best way is to understand exactly what's going on and then start making decisions. My wife understood and we are living a normal life.