How can I improve this speech?

Question

What does the word, PATRIOTISM - mean to you? Do you consider yourself an American patriot? I’ve asked this question to my peers, and fellow citizens. Some would respond by saying - I pay taxes, which is an investment in MY country. Others answered, I display an American flag on my property, and I support the troops. - Some would call me a patriot - because I put my life on the line - and fought in Iraq. I don’t consider myself a patriot at all.

I believe patriotism is ALWAYS QUESTIONING YOUR GOVERNMENT. Patriots are the people who support the TRUTH, and believe that FREEDOM should never be taken for granted. - Unfortunately, I fear that FAR too many of ARE youth, are growing up with a very different idea, thinking that being LOYAL, and performing the duties and obligations AS citizens - makes you a patriot. Related is the idea that you have to wear red-white-and-blue, fly an American flag, and hate the French to be patriotic....

When loud and proud becomes simply being patriotic, people who just quietly ARE - seem like they're not by comparison.

Patriotism is ALIVE. Unfortunately, it is being used as a political tool - After the horrific events of 9/11, our President said, 'you are either with us - OR - you are with the terrorists’ - that was a highly calculated - and effective response. It did not only apply to nations around the world, but our entire government, AND citizens as well. After that remark by our president, those who had honest, and genuine problems with our government policies, were called unpatriotic or even terrorists themselves.


Unfortunately, patriotism is used by the UNSCRUPULOUS - to force you into supporting them.

Something IS WRONG with how we are governed today. Nearly EVERYONE has that feeling in their stomach. That's because, there is something WRONG, - Everything that America was founded on is slowly being striped away from us.

ORIGINALLY, the word ‘PATRIOT’, me

...meant a person opposed to the existing British government. - And the people who were content with the existing British government - displayed its flag on their front porches, and were called LOYALIST.

And a true patriot during that time, was Thomas Jefferson, and he once said–

"When the people fear their government, THERE IS TYRANNY; when the government fears the people, THERE IS LIBERTY."

You MUST, never stop caring about what truly makes the United States a great nation. We have both a RIGHT, and a responsibility to criticize our government's policies. That - is true patriotism.

Answer 1

I see what you are trying to say but you may wish to phrase it differently to avoid the appearance of taking a political side. Instead of saying "I believe patriotism is ALWAYS QUESTIONING YOUR GOVERNMENT" change it to " I believe that patriotism is staying true to the ideals and beliefs that this country was founded on, and not blindly following those that seek to wrap their own beliefs in the banner of Patriotism".

Also, you say "I don’t consider myself a patriot at all". If that is true, then how are you qualified to speak to others on the subject. In order for people to take what you are saying to heart, you need to impress upon them that you are qualified to speak about the subject.

You may also want to tie in some American history in the speech, something that highlights the fact that our first American Patriots we fist considered traitors and revolutionaries for even thinking about a free and independent United States.

Answer 2

Do you consider yourself to be a patriot (always questioning your government)? If so, then you need to rephrase the last sentence of the first paragraph.

Answer 3

Avoid spelling errors. Try toning it down a bit lest you lose credibility. There is no need to capitalize.

Answer 4

LET YOUR INNER VOICE FLOW FOR YOU AND NOT THE BASKET OF WORDS IN THE PAPER FOLLOW YOUR NATURAL FLOW AND DO IT RIGHT WITH OUT WORRY