My boyfriend is 32, and my best friend. Before I got pregnant he told me that he wanted me to have his baby and even told me to stop taking the pill. He said that he wouldn't leave me hanging if I got pregnant. Well now that I am, hes all like "omg I can't deal with this, I don't know what to do'' etc etc. I don't know what to do. Hes all like, I can't deal with a relationship (we've had a long distance relationship the whole time), the distance has been ok. I don't like my job, and its stressing me out, I can't handle this too. I don't know what to do about it. Can someone offer advice?
2006-07-27 05:47:29 · 29 answers · asked by whistlebritches_17 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
32 and his first kid? I bet it came as a bit of a shock. Give him a bit of time to deal with this new emotion. My first pregnancy at 20 was a shock and I cried my eyes out about it, but after a few days of getting used to the idea, I found I was actually excited about it.
If he can't get over it, it's not impossible to do it on your own. Just find a good support system of family and friends. And don't let yourself get too stressed, you'll hurt yourself and the baby.
Good luck.
2006-07-27 06:14:03 · answer #1 · answered by pebble 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You got it right when you said BOYfriend.At 32 yrs he hasn't made you a commitment,keeps you at a long distance, and freaking out over a baby tells me one thing, he has you on the side!He has been telling you things you want to hear and keeping you dangling on a string! These are the manipulative works of an abuser whether physical, mental,financial,or emotional. Yours would be the emotional from you have said. He will promise you everthing but go by his actions and see if they are matching his words and promises! If you tell him that you are through with him, he will do a lot of stuff to try to keep you hanging on for his pleasure so BE WARY of all he says.You need to step back, take a deep breath and decide how you are going to be responsibile for this baby and what choices are you make about your and the baby's future. Forget the guy and make new friends. It sounds like you were being kept to yourself if he is your bestf and bf. Do you have anyone else that is close?I don't think so since you are asking us to help.(more manipulation to keep you from others so they cannot influence you. Does he know you have us?)You can keep the baby and raise him with all the love and respect you can.You need to keep your job for stability until you have the baby.Mothers get though lots of bab stuff to make sure their kids don't suffer from doing without.Save every penny so you will have money to live on while you are off after the baby is born. If the job is still bad you can get a different one later. YOU HAVE to keep your finances stable for you and the baby. Or you can give the baby up for adoption and begin your life all over,learning from your past mistakes, and applying your knowlege to the next situation.Decide what you want in a MAN:good job, stability, humor,family,same type interests, religion,and have him live in the same area,etc.Don't go looking soon because you will just find another that treats you like the last one did and you have the perfect next few mo to think and do pros and cons about your decisions. Also because you need to concentrate on you and the baby!You are the only one to give this child the best life possible,either by adoption or you keeping him but you will have to become stronger to accomplish either.I know you do not want to kill your own child.I will pray for you and the baby. If you feel you will have trouble with him over the baby tell him you miscarried and that you are starting over so he should never call or contact you again. Then get a different place so he can't just drop in. A clean break is best. I don't like lying but in some instances with an abuser of any kind you have to for safety and peace.
2006-07-27 14:05:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am 6 months pregnant and felt the same way when i first found out i was pregnant. The only advice you can really take would be do what you want, i don't necessarily like my job but if you decide to keep it maybe you should start to realize at least you have a job. Just let the man know that you don't need him, and he will never see his child. You don't need him, there are tons of state funded programs that can help you.
2006-07-27 13:30:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
in all honesty you're just going to have to deal with it. I got pregnant when I was 19 and my boyfriend totally bailed out because we had a big fight when I told him. I wasn't ready to have a baby but I knew that I couldn't live with myself if I got an abortion and I the thought of someone else raising my child would be too much for me to handle. SO I sucked it up, grew up in a hurry and did what I needed to do. The father finally came around after the baby was born, I guess he needed to do some growing up on his own. But now we're married and everything is fine. But I was totally prepared to be a single mom if I had too. I was 19....at 23 I'd say you should be better equiped to handle this situation then I was. Follow your heart and you'll be fine. No one ever offered me any answers I had to figure it all out for myself.
2006-07-27 12:59:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got pregnant with my first son at 23 also and my boyfriend (now my husband) and I were living in different cities as well. The first thing I did was decide what I wanted. Once I decided to have my baby, I just put it to him. I laid it out straight. If he wanted to be in this then he had to be 100% committed. If he didn't think he was going to be able to stick it out or wasn't ready for it, then he needed to figure that out right now and move on if that was the case. He wanted to be in it and we were married when our son was 2-1/2 yrs old (I got pregnant very early in our relationship). The one thing I recommend for sure is not to get married just because you are pregnant. That's too much pressure to start a new family in and way too much responsibility for a new baby to be the glue that holds the family together.
2006-07-27 12:59:15 · answer #5 · answered by J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband that iam married to did this. He even got angry with me and told me i ruined everything, when HE was the one who stopped using a condom and said for months that i was going to get pregnant, and i mustbe pregnant now and on and on.
He got over it in a couple weeks, and now he's so excited he cant wait to find out what we're having. Cant wait to see the baby. He even named it if its a boy.
He's 30 and iam 22.
Personally i wouldnt have risked a childs life in a situation were the father wasnt my husband, but that doesnt mean that you two cant stick it out and make it work.
I bet that the more you two calm down and discuss things, the more he'll learn to enjoy this event.
Atleast my husband did. I didnt think he ever would, but he did.
2006-07-27 12:52:02 · answer #6 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your baby because after all you must have wanted this baby too. Its gonna be stressful but you don't have to deal with him stressing you out while you are prego. Get him on child support and if he tries to get back with you tell him no. He can't even be your friend because friends wouldn't do each other like that.
2006-07-27 12:58:41 · answer #7 · answered by mzwood06 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You actually believed all that BS he fed you? You should have told him to marry you then you would not be in this situation. When a man tells you to stop taking the pill do not listen to them unless you are married.
All you can do now is get him for child support when that baby gets here.
2006-07-27 13:44:33 · answer #8 · answered by Coast2CoastChat.com 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a legal obligation to you now. When the child is born he will have to pay you child support. If you decide that you don't want to have this baby then you will need to have it taken care of...ther is also adoption as another option. You need to sit down with him and make a decision. If he won't, then he's not much of a best friend
2006-07-27 12:52:08 · answer #9 · answered by mommy_2_liam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men freak out when they are told that they are going to be father and will be responsible for another human being. TIME is your best bet. Give him some breathing room and explain to him that you've decided to take a break while he is mulling everything over and explain to him that regardless of his decision, this child is blessing and that you will love and raise this baby regardless of his decision. Good luck and if you would like further advice, send me a message.
2006-07-27 14:41:53 · answer #10 · answered by C H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋