Do I have to acknowledge my boyfriend's sister everytime I see her?

Question

My BF's sister lives with him. I am over there everyday and spend the night often. He told me that he was raised that when you come into someone's house you speak to them. I say I am over there often so I see her everyday so why do I have to speak to her every single day? She got offended because she feels ignored sometimes when I don't say hi the first time I see her or I don't say anything back sometimes when she says a general hi to both of us. I am the type of person where at work and in life I don't speak to someone every single time I see them. I am kind of quiet unless I really know you. For a while I started speaking more often to her, then I forgot because it's not in my personality. So she went and told their mom and got her involved. This ticked me off. She is also older than me by 8 yrs or so and hardly contributes to their household. It was $60 a month until he just now made her pay 300/month in rent this year. Her dependent attitude bothers me. I speak, just not always.

Answer 1

First of all, I am a quiet person, too, but it is only polite to say hi to someone. Otherwise you may appear rude, self-centered and as if you weren't raised right.

I think she has a right to feel ignored. If you want to have a good relationship with your boyfriend that may become permanent, then it is up to you to be nice to her unless of course she's been rude or objectionable to you on a regular basis. Her dependent attitude sounds like a concern. I agree you ought to be concerned about that. But is there a particular reason why she's living with him? Does she have a problem that makes it difficult for her not to work and/or get her own place? I'd wonder about that. She may be somewhat envious of your relationship with her brother. Is she in a relationship herself? If not, then she may resent the amount of time you spend with him.

Anyhow, just say hi, how are you, and then you won't have anybody griping at you. And if you do say hi, and still get an attitude from her, then you've done all you can do and it then becomes her problem.

Good luck!!

Answer 2

Family relationships are so tricky. She probably is being a bit over-sensitive, but you have absolutely nothing to gain by not speaking to her every time as she feels is appropriate. It's just going to make you look bad in your boyfriend's eyes, because like it or not, she is his sister and he loves her. I'd make a huge effort to speak to her. If her purpose is just to discredit you in your boyfriend's eyes that would take the wind out of her sails because he will be able to see your obvious effort.