is my husbad really hurt or just acting out??help?

Question

i found out few weels ago that my husbant was talking with his ex and we had big argument where he swears there is nothing there.that,they are just friends...then i found in his pocket napking with her home phone #week later and he got even madder at me for even starting the subject about her again..he works a lot and i think he is not cheating on me with her(no time) but now 2 weeks later he is not coming near me (no sex,touching exc.)and i can't figure out is it because he is hurt by me even thinking of him as a cheater or he is just acting out to hurt me for some reason....or something elese....what do you think?(we have a 7 mo.old baby)what should i ask him and how???

Answer 1

If he was ticked off at your for bringing up a sensitive subject more than once two weeks is plenty of time for him to get over it. Based on the evidence its hard to say either way however your gut will tell you a lot. Working alot, having her number and being very defensive about it, and not having a physical relationship with you are all signs of infidelity however it could also be that he just holds a grudge. Its pretty immature but its possible. I just have a hard time believing that you just asking him about a phone number would set him off to be mad for so long. Make an attempt to do something romantic and see how he reacts. If he rejects you then you may have cause for concern. One thing is a fact in marriage. If he isn't getting it at home he is getting it somewhere and trying to make you feel guilty about what you did isn't uncommon behavior for someone with a guilty conscience. I really hope for your sake that he is just mad but if I had to go with my gut I'd look in to it some more. Its not very hard to check and make sure he is at work when he says he is. Thats usually the excuse they use so it wouldn't hurt to drive by on a few of the nights where he is working late. If he isn't there I'd bring in a professional and have him followed. If he is cheating on you you need to be prepared. Good luck.

Answer 2

I understand if they still have property or something like that to discuss over. But if no land or kids to talk about. Then he should not get in touch with her. He got a new life, a new wife, and a kid to think about.
Some ex's do remain friends after divorce, or relationship. But some will keep in touch ever so often as well. But always keeping in touch, seems like there something going on.
Lease you let him know, that you didn't like the idea of him having her number. Let him cool off on his own for a while. It sucks to bare thru all of it. While he is going thru that phrase.
Maybe he will come around sooner or later. You can also tell by the way he acts too. If he is playing or not. What he does, or say, even down to the smallest things.
He needs to cut the ties that bind him to his ex. They are no longer together, and needs to get on with what he has at home. Sometimes men are like that. God knows why. But he needs to stop acting like a kid, and act like an adult instead.
Good Luck !!!

Answer 3

I don't want to add anything but say I think saturnz (third answer) is right. If you don't have proof then you can't really accuse him. I like her strategy of asking why things aren't going to well between the two of you (no sex,touching exc.) and hopefully you will be able to get the whole thing figured out from there.

Sit down with him and try to figure out what you know to be the problems to be. Don't even bring up the other woman. Just keep it between the two of you. If is anything going on he could very well confess to it himself. But you need to give him that opportunity.

I hope things work out for you
Take care.

Answer 4

I was married for 12 years..My husband would do the same thing but it was an ex-girlfriend..He claims that they are going to be friends and thats all it is but something didnt feel right. I would find her number also so i called her and being already mad it ended up being a very nice conversation...wether she was sincere i will never really know but it gave me some type of closure. Let your husband know that you love him and that you guys are a team..If he is sincere then let him know that it does bother you and that you and your baby are is life now not her. If there isent anything going on he should understand that...Hope it works out.....

Answer 5

He could be about to cheat. You have a baby in the family now and he could feel like he's having issues adapting to the new role as father and you being a mother.

He should not be hiding things from you or be angry at you. This is not good. Time to talk - and do it now.

He should have NO doubts about where his loyalties should lie. I think he needs to get his priorities in order now.

Answer 6

Maybe you should find out what made them "ex's" to begin with. Are there any kids involved with her? Have YOU tried to get close to him? See if you can't get a sitter for your child and have a romantic dinner....if there is still a problem, that might be the best time to bring up your concerns and really have a heart to heart talk with him.

Answer 7

Your husband is cheating with his ex or someone, and if you are in denial then he's going to take advantage of it. He's going to lie till the world comes to an end, but it's up to you to make a decision on if you want to deal with what's happening. Make your case by verifying this before confronting him, then make up your mind on what's left for the two of you in the relationship.

Answer 8

I even have 2 infants, and that i think of they could be extraordinarily upset in the event that they fell and that i laughed at them. Now there are the cases the place they fall and don't harm themselves and arise and laugh themselves and then i think of its ok. I won't lie; there are the cases while your toddler could actually finally end up hurting themselves, and since the seen exchange into so hilarious, you would be able to could coach your head and snicker extremely........

Answer 9

....I've been in something simular.

Of course, I have my own reasons-- that I don't talk about with anyone.

I am single now-- however, earlier last year, I was with a woman I had been with for awhile (about a year). I had come in recent contact with my x, while my g/f was with me at the time.

My g/f made it a big deal 24/7.. All the time, always bugged me about it-- and it made me want to just go off somewhere and be alone.

I'd return and she'd accuse me of cheating. I'd blow it off and not pay any attention to her...

She'd continue to rattle off.. and then she found my cell phone and went thru it while I was asleep.. and called a number.

The number was my x's.. We were going to have dinner the next night, so my x told my girlfriend at the time. As soon as she did she went off and tried to kick me out of my apartment...

Anyway, that didn't work, and I told my girlfriend that she couldn't live with me anymore.. That I needed space, so forth and so on..

Well, again, my girlfriend went off and we got in another big argument... She went home but she came back later that night.. when my x came over ( I asked her to). Again my g/f assumed we were messing around...and left me..

Oh well.. nothing was going on with my x and I. It just so happens my x and I met together while in the military and we both shared info concerning classified files in a particular case.

Finally I got my girlfriend back, we talked, and I told her of things-- but she didn't believe me. When my case at work became difficult, I became stressed/ and solitary. I didn't want to have anything to do with anybody really. She wanted to know what was wrong, and because I wasn't at liberty to tell her, she accused me of cheating on her.

Which clearly wasn't the case.. However, I was dumped again.. because "I was cheating and lying to her about it."

Whatever....a buncha drama..

Some of these people on here.. and I don't mean to be sexist.. cus men are.. and women are...

But, you can't know for sure even if you are to use your "gut" feeling. I advise you to sit down with him.. Don't shoot accusations.. Don't be biased. Be loosey-goosey... Ask him in the most relaxed way.

Just because he gets mad doesn't mean anything either. Maybe he's really stressed?
For all you know he could be in the FBI or CIA.. kinda like my case.

For all you know he could be running drug affairs for the Mexican drug cartels? Whatever it is, don't assume. Assumptions are dangerous.. especially when you can't figure out things on your own-- even after the fact.

Sit down with him. Talk to him. Go easy, and don't rush him. Don't pressure him. Don't get mad, don't start making up excuses.. just chill out and have an easy conversation.

You may want to try softening him up.. When he gets home from work, give him a big kiss, give him a hug, tell him how you feel, tell him you love him. Make him his favorite dish for dinner, wash his clothes...

Believe me, it'll work. He'll be so enthused.. he'll completely forget about his x IF something is going on.

And because of his attitude being joyful; happy-- you'll be able to tell a difference in his behavior if he starts making things difficult. And you'll know what difficult is. If he all of a sudden goes from joyful to extremely.. timid I guess you could say.

You'll be able to tell if something is wrong. But if there is, that doesn't mean he's cheating. Pointing the finger is insulting; and not fun if you're innocent.

If he makes things difficult, and doesn't tell you, or wants to talk about something else; walk away, etc.. tell him how you feel.. and suggest counseling.

If he refuses to go, then we'll analyze the problem from there.

But.. W2W (Wait 2 worry).

Hope this helped.. contact if you like.

Best of wishes...

--Rob

Answer 10

Step back from this and just watch his behavior. Stop accusing him and just watch. Rememeber this....an ex is an ex for a reason. As women we are always so quick to jump to conclusions, look at facts and try not to lead with your emotions.