my wife cheated on me three times all togather. this happened in a period of about 5 weeks. she lied to cover herself as did her mother lie for her to me. all relationships are in the dump. we have decided to reconcile. how do i get past all the lies and deciept? any success stories out there? the only reason she cheated (or so she says) is because she was lonely. i work nights 7pm-7am 3 days rotating which means i work 3 then off for. she says she couldnt stand the empty bed. every place she went, she was looking for men. (shopping, the health club, public park, line dancing lessons, etc,etc,etc) she claims that she loves only me and was not looking to replace me. any suggestions? maybe i should kick her azz out?
2006-07-27 04:46:37 · 33 answers · asked by welder0964 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First off.. you just said she said that she went out everywhere looking for men..
Then you said she says she is not looking to replace you... Which makes no sense if she was feeling lonely with the bed being empty!
When I was deployed in Afghanistan, my fiance cheated on me with 7 guys... I found out when I was abroad.. but didn't tell her...
When I came back I nearly beat her *** and never came back.. Yes I was wrong for punching her, but I felt she deserved it. She lied to me all the while-- over the 5 years. God only knows if I took her virginity like she told me I did... (It was a big thing to me.. I was saving it for someone truly special)... Well...
Dude, I was not happy! Don't let some chick bullshit you like that! No offense, but if she did it once--- she knew what she was doing. It seems more along the lines of wanting to experience other people...
I'm sure you can do a lot better than that. I know it hurts and it took me a couple years to get over that damn girl that.. lied and cheated on me--- But, it was best for me to move on.
If I were you, I'd kick that lady right out of my house and tell her to get lost.
When I left my girl.. I did just that.. I never saw her again. Just occupy yourself to get away from the thoughts. Hang out with trusted friends and network with new ones. It'll pass...But for real-- I'd let that go...
Good luck and best of wishes....
--Rob
(Contact if you want)
2006-07-27 05:07:29 · answer #1 · answered by stealth_n700ms 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a firm believer that everyone deserves a second chance. I am not saying that I understand or even condone what she did, but I think that if she and you both are willing to put the past behind you and work on your marriage you can make it work. Have you tried counseling? Sometimes just being able to sit down with a third party and talk about your differences you are able to find the love again. I know a lot of women cheat to fill an emotional or even physical void that is in their lives. Talk to her openly and honestly and find out how you can keep that void from returning. As for the hurt and trust, that will have to be earned back over time. Just remember to be honest with her and make sure she understands how you feel. However, if she is still seeing even one of these guys or is still seeking men out, I am sorry to say there is no way in Hell you can repair the damages that have been done. Best of luck...
2006-07-27 04:58:29 · answer #2 · answered by la_diablita_1999 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I am so sorry to hear that. I know it will be hard for you to forget things about what happened but you need to try and give her a chance to show you that she really is sorry about what she did. If you see any difference and her being so truthful and honest about your marriage and not going around and cheating behind your back then you know that she's sorry. On the other hand, if she doesn't stop the cheating, clubbings (which cheating starts) then she is not being truthful and time to hit the road.
I on the other made a mistake too, I cheated on my husband but this is before we got married, I regret what I did and I feel so awful because it did hurt my husband because he end up finding it himself. My husband is trying to forget things about what I had done but once in a while it will be there and arguments kicks. Since we got married, I never, ever cheated, look at other guys or whatever...that's why I settled down because I love him so much. I want his trust back and it's starting to come back and all I do is be honest to him and not lie about things. I know it will be hard for him to believe me but I will try my best because I love him and because I know that he loves me too.
2006-07-27 05:36:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how she feels. Yes, she likely loves you very much. I would suggest to be there for her more especially when you are at home, but she should realize that you are coming home in a few days, and she should be able to harness her feelings for that long.
But now she should realize that now that she hurt you, you will be hurt for a while, (or a long time) and she may just have to wait on you and prove to you that she does still want you and love you.
And you are at home during the days, it's not like you don't see her at all. I say give her another chance, but sit down with her and talk this thing out. I mean that is not good for your marriage.
2006-07-27 04:57:50 · answer #4 · answered by ~~Catbird Woman~~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate the be the one to break it you but there are lots of people who work that shift and their spouses do not go out specifically searching for someone to sleep with. Honestly it sounds to me like she has a sex addiction. That may sound funny to some but it is a very real disease that exists in many people. To go out specifically looking for sex just because she knows you have to work that night is pretty scary. I wouldn't blame you for kicking her *** out however if you love her and are willing to stand by her I would take her to a Dr and tell them what is going on so she can be physically examined. I realize that alot of people are going to say she is just a ho, which could also be it, but the way it sounds I think it could be more serious than that. If she is willing to be looked at by a Dr that is a good step in the right direction if she refuses then I would seriously look in to leaving her. Cheating one or maybe even two times over several years is one thing but 3 times is 5 weeks is quite another. The shift that you work is not THAT much and if she loves and is committed to you like she said she is then she wouldnt have a problem sleeping alone a few nights out of the week. Ask her to see a Dr about possible sex addiction and if she refuses kick her to the curb.
2006-07-27 04:55:20 · answer #5 · answered by amyclay350 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have never been married but come on don't continue to hurt yourself. and that bullshit about your the only one she loves, i see it like this if she really loved you she would have never done what she did in the first damn place. Your working is no excuse for what she did. Your a decent man working to take care of your wife and family if you have one and she disrespected you in a very hurtful way and i don't feel as though you should have to deal with the pain and continue to allow her to be in your life. I'm not saying forget about her completely, but I'm sure there is a woman in this world who can respect you and your job and the time that you have to be away, maybe one day you will come to realize that it may be best for you and your wife to just be friends and move on with your life because no one deserves a broken heart, at least not the way she did you.
2006-07-27 04:54:55 · answer #6 · answered by Latasha G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH MAN, I only know your situation to well, I am in the process of working this out with my husband, but his wasnt because I wasnt home, it is in some people a addiction, the game or the object of not getting caught. She obviously needs alot of attention, but the thing I will warn you of, is the feeling in your gut, you will have a ache everytime she leaves the house, when she is 5 minutes late, and especially while your at work, it is really hard to live a life, when all you do is worry, and not matter how many time they say they wont do it again, it doesnt fill that ache. I know alot of peoples answers say leave her, but I know its hard to leave someone you love so much. You want to believe them, and cheaters are very manipulative, they have a way about them, they can come home and look you in the face after god knows what they did the night before. I guess if you want to go through the process go ahead, but she should be kissing your a-- right now, and know the saying goes, Hurt me once, Shame on you, Hurt me twice, Shame on me. Give her this one chance, but if she does it again, Well.... And as far as her going out, I would put my foot down on that, she needs to earn her trust back, she is the one who messed up, now she needs to suffer like you have to. I hope this helps alittle.
2006-07-27 05:10:06 · answer #7 · answered by Tarabul 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship to me. You have 4 days a week where she can always be with you and for 3 days she has to go find someone else?
Do you think she will do it again? If so, there is little hope. Only you know if you can get past the feelings of hurt, and disloyalty. I myself would have a very difficult time. I know there are a lot of people out there who believe it should be worked out no matter what, but I disagree with that.
2006-07-27 04:53:04 · answer #8 · answered by shirley_corsini 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am sorry that this happened to you. If you truly want this marriage to work, may I suggest that you do it prayerfully. Pray and ask the Lord to restore your marraige, and to heal your heart so that you will truly and totally be able to for give your wife. Then you must deal with your wife and mother in law and put your foot down. Let your wife know that it will not be tolerated any more--The lies and the deciet have got to stop. As for your mother in law, You need to let her know, that if she continues to support and be a bad influence on her daughters behalf, then you will have no other choice but to love her from a distance.
If you have any children, set a better example for them than the one your wife has set (especially if they are girls!). No excuse is a good excuse for cheating on one's spouse. It may be, that she will never change, if that is the case you only have one more option--Use it.
2006-07-27 05:51:20 · answer #9 · answered by ladysea8 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay I have kinda been in a situation like yours except for the fact that i wasnt married. I had been with this guy that i really liked and then my ex came back in the picture. So it happened and i lied about it. I still loved my bf but i still liked my ex too. He forgave me, but what came after that was more lies and deceit from his side. Its been about 4 years now and we are still together. But i do have to say if i could go back i would of not gotten back with my man because once you'vehurt each other it is so hard to get over it. It brings more pain and hurt and its better just left at that. But then again you are married and you are supposed to try to make it work. If you feel that she means alot to you and you really love her and you think you can try to forget go for it.
2006-07-27 04:58:36 · answer #10 · answered by just another hot mama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋