Teenage daughter has scary friends, what can a parent do?

Question

My friend has been looking to me for support because she is dealing with her daughter having scary friends - older boys in cars, drugs, stealing liquor and other things. It is difficult for adults to tell friends 'no', let alone a young teen. What should she say to her daughter? How should she handle it with minimum damage to their mother/daughter relationship?

Answer 1

I think your friend is more worried about her "friendship" with her daughter than anything else. Her daughter is going to have plenty of friends throughout her life, she will only have ONE mother.

Time for your friend to lay down the law. A mothers instincts are pretty reliable and if she feels her daughter is going down the wrong path, she needs to do something about it.

Whether it means forbidding her daughter to see these friends or worse, moving to get away from the environment she's in, it needs to be done for the sake of her daughters welfare.

In my humble opinion.

Answer 2

I am really sorry for your friends lost (her baby girl growing up)

But I am sorry I can not give you a super answer that will not hurt your friend's relationship with her darling daughter.
The thing is that she is coming into herself and along the way she is going to mess up and do things wrong, plus she is trying her mother, to see just how far her mother would let her go, and she is looking at it all wrong......You never let a bunch of kids take over and run your home, it's not a smart thing to do, you know.
Your friend must realize that she is not her daughters friend but her mother, and a mother's job is to protect her daughter when she can not do it herself......
I know this because I messed up and I have lost my oldest daughter, she needs to confront her, or at least talk to her about this now.And the daughter will get angry in the beginning but, soon she will come around.......Unless she is already gone off on the drugs then she may need some help getting her daughter back.
Tell your friend to stop letting them people come to her house to hang out, if she can not stop them maybe she needs to call the police and explain it to them what her problem is, that way when things go down, they will not take her home from her......
Good Luck...

Answer 3

She needs to try to stay out of her daughter's peer relationships as much as possible, unless there is a real threat or danger to her daughter. She should try to find out why her girl likes these thugs in the first place and then come up with a different avenue that gives her the same basic needs. It's hard to not say "no", but that's one of the most important aspects of being a parent.

Answer 4

They need to have a talk about what these friends are adding to her life. And, in the end, she needs to tell her daughter she cannot spend time with people who act this way. Which is more important, their relationship, or her daughter not dying in a drunk driving accident?

All about the perspective. Best thing is for her to talk to her daughter about why she has these friends, then lay down the law about who she can spend time with.

Answer 5

No matter what she does it's going to damage her relationship w/ her daughter. But would she rather let her go, and her daughter end up on drugs, in jail, etc...? Or stop her from hanging out w/ those people now, and have her daughter safe, but mad @ her for a little while???

Answer 6

HER MOM NEEDS TO TELL HER THAT THEASE ARENT THE PEOPLE THAT SHE SHOULD BE HANGING OUT WITH BECAUSE THEY COULD RAPE OR UBDUCT HER AND IT SHE IS WITH THEM AND THE COPS PULLTHEM OVER FOR SOME REASON THERE IS A 75% CHANCE THAT SHE COULD BE FRAMED AND THEY COULD TAKE HER TO JAIL FOR HAVING ELEGAL OR PERSRIPTION DRUGS NOT IN HER NAAME THEY COULD SAY SHE WAS POPING PILLS OR TAKING THEM TO GET HIGH AND ALSO STEALING LIQUIR IS NOT RIGHT AND WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO BE HANG AROUND WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING A HANG OVER EVRY DAY AND DESTROYS ALL OF THERE BRAIN CELLS DESTROYED AND HAVE A HUGE CHANCE OF THEM PREASURING HER TO DO THE THINGS THEY ARE AND HAVE A HUGE CHANCE OF GOING TO JUVIE OR JAIL AND HAVE TO TAKE MANDOTORY CLASSES AND NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A DRIVERS LICENCE FOR TRYING WHAT THEY ARE AND ALSO EXPLAIN TO HER THAT THIS IS SERIOUS BECAUSE IF SHE DOES START SHE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO GET INTO A SERIOUS COLLAGE AND GET A GOOD JOB BECAUSE THEY DONT WAANT TO HIRE SOMEONE WHO THEY CANNOT TRUST SO THERE IS A CHANCE OFHAVING NO MONEY AND NO CHANCE OF BEING ABLE TO START A FAMILY BECAUSE HER BOY FRIEND WONT TRUST HER AND SHE WOULD BE UNDER HOUSE AREST AND TELL HER TO EXPLAIN THAT SHE SHOULD GET REAL FRIENDS NOT ONES WHO AQRE GOING 2 USE HER AND GETVHER IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW

Answer 7

look l have a teenage daughter so l know where you a coming from but what l do is talk to her and let her know she can come to me with anything but l tell her stright like l dont like a friend or too but all so l tell her how l was once her age and l been ther e and done that but my daughter now comes home and we talk about her day how its been go or bad

Answer 8

she has to talk to her daughter in a very very friendly way and bisides make her to read those crime stories through some web site ..trust me i was one ov those gurl who used to go out every day with my friends and changing BF every 3 4 dayz so i had a very bad experience around 7 8 months back and then what my sister did once she said Hely i just want u to read this site and i did it was awful and it was about all crime stories the way ppl kill gurls and kids , guyz old men women and what the killer does before killing them , and from that time on trust me first of all if i want to go out , with my mommy or dady and even if i want to get a long with a guy first i check his back ground and every thing to make sure he has his family he hadn't a rather checkered ....u have to ask her mother to deal with her as a friend if she stops her no way to fix her up , some thing has to make her $hit scared and her mother has to keep checkin on her n has to make sure her daughter won't come to know that she is being checked by her mother

Answer 9

What is your friend's experience when she is a teen herself?? Have she gone through such phase?? If yes mayb she could recount her own experience with her. Jz to let her know that it maybe something she will regret later if she did what her mom did. Try to involve themselves into really healthy activities like exercising together, learn how to cook, do social works together. It will distant her from such influences, but please remember that once in a while, there is no choice but let her do it and go wrong. She must learn it in a hard way...but i dont meant bout pregnancy!!She have to teach her how to protect herself!!

That is all i can advice...I'm 19 and i have been through this phase. I know it...Let her fly but watch over her...Good luck.

Answer 10

Whatever it takes.

See if there's a "Tough Love" group nearby, and suggest to your friend that she join. If not, look them up online and get the book.

It turned my life around, and helped my daughter. Unfortunately, the next kid, my son, was very sick, so I was dealing so much with his health problems that I couldn't bring myself to use those techniques with him, as they're really tough (surprise!). Perhaps if I had, I wouldn't have buried him before his 16th birthday.