I'm 35 yo and have been married for 2 years. My husband &I have been together for more than 5 years. Since we've been together, I've never even looked at another man. He and I have been happy, until recently.
Due to circumstances that are complicated, I've had to spend a lot of nights out with this groups of people. I've invite my husband but he has always says no. Anyway, one of the guys in the group and I get along really well. We usually end up as the last to leave. He & I have never done anything, but we are definately attracted to each other. He knows I'm married and we both know if I wasn't, then we'd be more. Unfortunately, I can't stop going out with this group for at least 3 more months (maybe longer). I don't want to cheat on my husband, but I keep having fantasies about this other guy. What should I do?
2006-07-27 04:33:39 · 29 answers · asked by married2004 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Then I would say no matter what avoid this guy. Why is it you have to go with this group? If happy with your husband you would not be attracted to this guy. How much does your marriage mean to you? Because the rate your going it will not work out. You took the vows and now you need to stick with them or leave. It hurts to be cheated on don't do your husband this way. Cheating is even if you find you want to do something with this guy.
2006-07-27 04:41:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Just be honest to yourself and to your husband and to your vows, and then when you are through with all the society bull.... look at it from a human standpoint. Put yurself in his shoes, what would you do, I mean how would you really feel if it were the other way around, and not the answer you give to your girlfriends when you are all sitting around having martini's, but the answer you have in your heart about the way you would really feel if he was in a group and you were not there with an attractive woman and he and her were always the last to leave. I know you would be a little uncomfortable in your relationship, probably start to have some self esteem issues, deep down inside, even if you never let anyone know. My idea for sucess in life and any relationship whether marriage, roommates, brother and sister, neighbors, just treat people the way you wan't to be treated. If you never want to find out he is interested in or "staying late" with someone else then don't do it to him. What goes around, comes around and it doesn't feel good when the shoe is on the other foot. My ex just ruined a great life with me and ruined his future for living under the same roof with his kids because he thought the grass was greener on the other side, now that I'm gone and found someone else who I love and we are more than happy, he regrets his choices but it's too late. You should make the most of your marriage and just try not to put yourself in those circumstances. It's all about choices, and just that one moment can change your life forever. Just weigh your options and compare........... is this new guy worth your marriage and crushing yur husbands heart, the way he views you and your future. And how much do you actually know about the new guy anyway?? Remember the first 90 days, we meet the representative, when that real person shows their face, it's not always as handsome as you thought, and look up fantasy.......... exactly. If anything have a fantasy with your husband and leave rest alone........... Goodluck with your future
2006-07-27 06:03:39 · answer #2 · answered by SweetT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a difficult situation. Your love for your husband is powerful, and the fantasies you have for the other man is equally powerful. Only you can make up your mind, however, your relationship with your husband had endured. It's sort of what you would call "broken in." It looks like you can trust each other. Understand, that many people can't even have that. You have both built it. And when relationship gets in a strong stage, it can sometimes dwindle, because the initial spark goes away and a strong bond replaces it. The bond is actually that makes you feel bored with the relationship. Understand, that you may no longer get that spark back. The falling in love phase never comes back, and this is why we love to fall in love over and over again. It is a good feeling. What you have with this other gentlemen is just that. It feels wonderful to fantasise and it's very normal. It is very, very easy to fall into the slippery slope in this stage. Ask yourself, what you think you are getting from this man. Whatever the specifics are, whether it is attention, admiration or a sense of adventure, ask yourself whether your husband is giving these things to you or not. May be that's it. But the bottom line is: This heart of ours knows no bounds, it does what it wants to. Allow yourself to feel this way, but continue with your self-inquiry. Go slow. Dont decide anything yet, as you might regret a wrong decision later. We all do. You situation is like hoping to not get a sunburn under the sun. Sure you will. Is there anyway out of it for you or for me? No there isn't. Good luck.
2006-07-27 05:09:52 · answer #3 · answered by Sunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously this guy is giving you something your husband is not. You say you are "happily married" yet you are willing to put yourself in a position of temptation knowing that it isn't right. I think you need to end this friendship with this guy if you want to keep your marriage. Think about if it were the other way around. What if your husband met this girl who he got along with really well and liked spending time with? Wouldn't it be the right thing for your marriage if he stopped seeing her all together? Save your marriage, stop seeing this guy.
2006-07-27 04:44:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just remember why you married your husband. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. It's good that you have restrained yourself and stuck to you vows. That's refreshing to see in a sea of posts from unfaithfuls who can't keep their legs closed for one second. You've got class, now keep it up. Keep inviting your husband despite the fact he declines. And schedule special dates for you & your husband so you can feel that rush you felt at the beginning all over again. It's natural to feel attractions and have fantasies about other people than the person you are with, so long as you don't act on them. Try working in more time with Hubby and hopefully you'll remember why you married him in the first place. Good luck, and stay faithful!
2006-07-27 04:41:32 · answer #5 · answered by SuperJenn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want to cheat then DON'T! I think that life always puts you temptations, but we always have a choice, and we have to take responsibility of the choice that we make... Think of the consequences that this would bring, how you would you hurt your husband, your kids if you have kids, and erase all the good memories you have had with your husband. You are now married! you made a lot of promises to your husband when you got married, don't forget them... Long term plans are the best at the end, with all the good and bad things, at the end, the relationship is the best and you will never regret making the right choice... good luck and be strong to temptations! :)
2006-07-27 04:45:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do just that.....leave him in the fantasy world! It's natural to find some men attractive but it's usually something in the mind. You state you are happily married, why would you want to jeopardize what you already have? Keep going to your meetings, enjoy the feeling that you are attractive to someone else besides your husband and go home and hug & kiss your man!
2006-07-27 04:41:15 · answer #7 · answered by hummingbird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you truly love your husband then don't screw it up. The grass in not always greener on the other side. I know from experience. Please put your time and energy into your marriage. There are so many things you can do in your marriage to keep things good and alive. The main thing is to talk to your husband and keep the lines of communication open. New doesn't always mean better, they may be one way one now and something else later, you already know what you have at home. Stick with it.
2006-07-27 05:37:33 · answer #8 · answered by titlelady27 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave them as fantasies. It is always flattering to know your desired, but now that you do...it stops there. The question you should be asking yourself is....." If I had this affair would it be worth losing my marriage for?" If the answer is yes, then why wait, file for divorce now then have the affair. If the answer is no, leave it on a platonic level. I had a friend who had an affair for 4 years....her husband found out and left her. 2 weeks after that, the guy she was having the affair with broke it off because he said..." it wasnt fun anymore". The grass isnt always greener.
2006-07-27 04:41:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why can't you stop going to the group? Because you want to see the other guy? What is it he has that your husband don't? And if he knows your married why does he keep pushing for something more?
Only bad can happen if you continue this path. You already feel this not right. So stop.
2006-07-27 04:47:46 · answer #10 · answered by Jeff F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋