What do I do? I am 4 months pregnant and my partner and I can't seem to get along anymore? see details?

Question

We have been together 3 years...we are not married...but were planning on it...for the first year and a half we NEVER argued or anything...we have something special...but with everything else going on...it is HARD to find it...What do I do??

I just want to clear some things up...WE DO want our baby...adobtion and abortion are not options...we just have communication problems...

Answer 1

Talk about things, and see if you can fix the deep problems.

You had sex before marraige, and now you're having a baby before a commitment...is this any real surprise that this changes things?

All in a sudden his life went from fun gf to lifetime commitment....of course he's going to feel trapped...which he will express himself through anger and bickering.

Pray you picked a strong man, otherwise get used to the idea that you made a mistake (a big one)

Answer 2

It matters SOOO MUCH how old and mature you are.
I was in exactly your situation about 22 years ago. I was 34, and I married the guy, and had the baby. I was in the Navy and gave up my career for promises. We were all miserable, until I grew a set of *&^% and left him, and finished raising my children alone. I thought at the time I was doing the "right thing." I WAS NOT!
If I had to do it over, I would have stayed in the Navy and raised my son(s) alone, and taken man to court, if necesary, for support.
Together 3 years, I am assuming you both are fairly mature. If you decide to keep this baby, YOU will grow up over night. He won't.
Just because you don't argue, doesn't mean everything is wonderful. It means one or both of you are not expressing yourselves, and your likes and dislikes. It means you don't know/don't care how to negotiate.
Sounds to me like you and he are stressing out, trying to wrap your brains around a baby. Causes existing problems to come to the surface.
TALK! TALK! TALK! Especially when it is hard. You think is it hard now, try marrying him/making him a daddy with unresolved problems. You and he both will have a hard life. And your innocent baby will pay for your mistakes. Make YOUR OWN DECISION.
You think it is ever easy to find out/tell the truth?
Think about whether YOU are ready to be a mother by yourself. Your boyfriend could book any time.Marriage doesn't cripple him. In fact, if he is a flight-risk, marriage will punch his ticket faster. Any girl not pregnant and whining, will all of a sudden be the answer to his dreams.
Figure out if you can support a child on your own. BF could wake up one morning with MS or cancer, and you would have a huge weight to bear (almost) alone.
You may never get a dime from this guy, you have lots of other circumstances to worry about, and a baby is coming--ready or not.
There is always adoption, and abortion. You do not have to have a baby you don't want! There are thousands of nice people to raise your child. Abortion is legal, and would solve your "problem" in a few minutes. Practically painless. It would not solve your relationship. Might cause more problems.
I would recommend some sort of couple's counseling. Try a church or mental health center for cheap classes. If you can't afford counseling, you can't afford divorce/palimony or a baby? If he won't go, go alone.
If you were my daughter, I would drive you to the abortion clinic and then buy you a new pair of little jeans.
Then get educated (so you can take care of yourself and any stray babies) then get married, then have a baby you have saved, and waited for and both are excited about.
Learn from my mistakes if you can, hon. My advice may have made you mad, but it might clarify what you want to do.
Good luck!

Answer 3

With every relationship there is some ups and downs. You probably were trying to please your partner the first year so your true personality did not come out.

Now that you're comfortable with each other, both of you are showing how you really are. I think that if the relationship is special, you will remember some of the good times and work with those thoughts. Not everyday is a good day. That's part of life.

If you can't figure that out, you probably shouldn't be together. Having a baby is another responsibility. Getting married is the next step in a relationship. You sort of bypassed it by having a baby first. Now you have to work it out between the two of you to see how you really feel about the relationship and having a baby now instead of later.

I think time will tell. So don't freak out and take each day as it comes. If you were meant to be together, it will happen.

Answer 4

You don't say how old you are... He could be imature and not know how to handle all the new responsibility he's about to get and looking at you now more as a burden. Instead of being on the defensive "which is easy to do", try to be the stronger, more mature one and talk to him, see where his head is. Really listen to what he has to say. If he is a brick wall, keep trying. Men find it hard to express their feelings and it might take some prying to tell you how he really feels. In the back of you mind, start a plan to be on your own. The golden rule for everything is "hope for the best, but prepare for the worst". Just in case things don't work out like you hope. Good luck!

Answer 5

there is a saying in my country love is blind and marriage is a eye opener. well ur not married and ur seeing signs of a man who is just not ready for the real world of commitment wich is all that marriage entales I think there is enough sign for you to see this man is not the type of husband that you would want DON' GET MARRIED TO HIM OR ELSE YOU'LL BE SORRY! imagine your not even married yet and this is the treatment your getting. my mother always say you don't have to make mistakes to learn u can always learn from other people mistakes. my dear u got pregnant don't abort your child no matter what. my mother raised 6boys and 1 girl all by herself without any father figure, and today my mother and all er children r more successful than their fathers. and her youngest which is me is now married and expecting a baby.Girl u can do all things through christ who strengthens you. be very strong u can do it. GOD BLESS.

Answer 6

Try to find the point where things started going awry and backtrack from there. You have to remember what it was that made you two so special together to begin with. Sometimes stresses in our lives take over our relationships and we have to have a bit of a reality check to put us back where we started from. In my opinion, you should sit down with him and talk about this. Open lines of communication is a must....especially if you are going to be a family and raise a child together....Good luck, sweetie!

Answer 7

Well another one bites the dust.. Don't you girls know how to keep you legs crossed.. when you open them up or don't use safe sex that is what causes this stuff. your man is apparently not ready to have kids. and why didn't you wait until you were married to get pregnant..? i guess you will have to learn the hard way now and have to raise the kid on your own.. and if you aren't getting along for godsake don't marry him.. why have a disfuntional family to start with.. If you can't get along before marriage you won't afterwards either. why put a new baby through something like that.. You girls need to use your brains.
and birthcontrol..

Answer 8

You need too talk to him as well as listen. Don't let small things get in the way they will only escalate into bigger ones. Try spending quiet quality time together or go our for walks, or to the movies. Don't let the alone time between the two of you be wasted. When the baby is born, there will not be much time to spend together. But the best thing is to watch his cues, and try and keep things together. Believe me I know about not seeing/listening.

Good luck to you both.

Answer 9

Ok lets look at the big picture....things are changing and this is a stressful time for you both. Your hormones are all whacked out and he is going to be a first time daddy. Time to sit down and talk real to one another. Share some of those fears....which by the way are very normal. Talking is key, and please have a sense of humor because without it....you will go nuts. Let him vent then you have your turn. Just getting it out there in the open can at times be all that is needed.

Answer 10

Sounds like the two of you need to sit and discuss what's on your minds to clear up any issues that are unspoken. Communications is the best way to resolve things before an extreme measure in a relationship.