Ex wives! Do you feel you get a bad rap after the divorce?

Question

Do you feel that when the marriage is over you immediately going to be faulted or blamed for having a failed marriage? Sadly divorce is a comman thing and a lot of marriages end bitterly. Be it a mutual decision or that of one person. It seems when you talk to (most) divorce women about why their marraige failed they'll say something on the lines of "Oh, my marriage just didn't work out" "he cheated " or "He was abusive" and they'll leave it at hat. but when you talk to (most) divorce men they will give you a long detailed list of all the many faults his wife had. I've never been divorced and this is my first marriage and i really don't know where it will lead for the years to come. But i've met so many divorce men and women and i've noticed the difference in what women will say about the divorce which is usually a "it just didn't work out" oppose to what men will say. I don't know, i'm just curious to know if any of you divorce women feel you get a bad rap after a divorce.

Answer 1

Actually, I never cared and haven't given it a thought. I was in an abusive marriage to an alcoholic. What he said about me (if anything) after the divorce was totally irrelevant.

I always had the truth on my side, and that was all that mattered.

Answer 2

Women are ashamed to talk about it as people (both men and women) will see you as a pariah and unconcioulsy see your caracther flaws as to blame for the break up. Also, women are emotional beings and those painful memories are better left alone. Besides, women overcome and cope and we go on with our lives. All the pain is mostly deal with privately. No one likes to dicuss about their failure in public, come on.

Men, in the other hand, use the failure of their marriage as bait to attract women so they will "pity" them. They always go on and on about how miserable they were, naive women obviuolsy want to confort them and "show" them that they are different and see that as a challenge to win their hearts and mend them. Sadlly, it works all the time as women fall for their sad stories, and then they complaint that after 4 years living together their man won't marry them. Sad, but true.

Also, men try to justify that the reason they cheated, turned into alcohol or drugs was their "evil" wives, Sadly, some women still believe that old trick.

Good luck

Answer 3

Yes we do get a bad rap but that is to be expected. Men have huge problems being honest in their self-evaluations. It is easier for them to fault their ex wives than to take responsibilty for their shortcomings in their marriages. As a victims advocate, I spend 90% of my time meeting with couples who are having problems such as abuse, disrespect, cheating, drinking, drugging, etc. It is amazing how different a man and a woman's perspectives can be of the same situation. A woman will accept responsibility for her man's actions when she can't control them. As women, we just want to make it right. Men want to be uplifted and praised. They can't stand that sometimes they just fall short. I have been divorced for nine years. My ex husband still won't admit to some of the things that caused our marriage to crumble. When asked what happened to our marriage, I just say that we grew apart and our lives were headed in totally different directions. I say that he did not want the same thing out of married life that I did. The truth is that he was a notorious lying cheater with violent tendencies who later resorted to a life of crime and drugs. He says that I was a nag and that I started thinking that I was better than him. Whatever!

Answer 4

yes even when guys cheet on there wifes they lie they say well i sleep on the couch they sleep with the wifes everynight they say Im going through a divorce but were living together until it over as advice from my lawyer his wife doesnt even know of a problem they are just gasin other women and they are dumb enough to fall for it there are 3 sides to every story his hers and the truth.

Answer 5

I think women don't talk about it cuz it's such a huge let down and maybe an embarrassment.... I still at times don't tell people that I have an ex- husband.... whom I left ......