Who here has a true sense of humor?

Question

I've seen people here who take my questions so seriously. Who has a nice, good sense of humour? Got any jokes for me?

Answer 1

Me and my Wife


· My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

· My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

· A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

· I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied,” In the lake."

· The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

· After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

· When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

· I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

· My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

· A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

· Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

· A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

· Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?". Dad: "That happens in every country, son".

· Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late".

· A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same: "You can have mine."

· A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. "A billionaire." she replied.

· Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

· It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

· Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

· Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

· A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

· A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

· Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

· The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

· First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive!"

Answer 2

A waiter is coming with the customer's order, but the customer notices the waiter has his thumb in the soup.

Customer: Waiter, what are you doing? Your thumb is in my soup.

Waiter: Oh, it's all right; it's not that hot.
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Why was the rocket sad?




Because he got fired.*
*fired = sacked in American English.
_________________
Astronomer #1 (looking through telescope): Hey, there's the Dog Star!

Astronomer #2: Serious?

Astronomer #1: No, Sirius B.
________________________
Did you hear about the absent-minded professor who got run over by a truck?

The police officer asked him if he got the license plate number of the truck that hit him.

As he's lying on the road, the professor says, "I don't remember, but if you reverse the last four digits and divide the square root of that by three, that's the number of the truck."

Those are just my jokes. You can check out my answer to, "Who is the richest footballer?" to determine whether I have a sense of humor, or whether I'm just insane. (I spent five hours on that answer!)

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Arh9OiO4BaQjQ7eEUHKDviLsy6IX?qid=20060726050757AAGQujy
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Dragonpack, you're funny. Who do you think you are? Joe Pesci as Tommy in Goodfellas?

Dragonpack: >>"What do you mean I'm funny? You mean the way I talk? What?"

Xexect: It's just, you know. You're just funny. You know, the way you tell a story.

Dragonpack: >>"Funny how? What's funny about it?"

Invisible Bob: You got it all wrong.

Dragonpack: >>"He's a big boy. He knows what he said. Funny how?"

Xexect: Just...you know...you're funny.

Dragonpack: >>"Let me understand this. Maybe I'm a little f___d up. But I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I'm here to f____g amuse you? What do you mean I'm funny? How am I funny?"

Xexect: You know, how you tell a story....

Dragonpack: >>"I don't know. You said it. You said I'm funny. How am I funny? What the f____ is so funny about me? Tell me what's funny."

Xexect: Get the f__ out of here, Dragonpack.

Dragonpack: >>"Mother_____! I almost had him."

Answer 3

yeah i have a good sense of humor,
a little wrapped, but good. and here is a joke i find funny. hope you like!!

The 10 year old




A father asked his 10 year-old son if he knew about
the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into
tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!"

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'there's no
Santa speech'.

At seven, I got the 'there's no Easter Bunny' speech'.

When I was eight, you hit me with the 'there's no
tooth fairy speech'.

Now if you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't
really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."

Answer 4

True sense of humor is based on whether you can laugh at yourself, and allow yourself to be laughed at.

A guy is lost in the desert with his camel. He is wondering around for days without water or food. Soon, his camel cannot go on and dies. For a few more days, he drifts throughout the desert. Suddenly, he finds an old wine bottle with a few drops of wine left in it. Actually, the bottle is magical, and as he tips it back to drink, a genie pops out and grants him three wishes. At first the man was hesitant because he never had good luck. The genie assures him that he did indeed get 3 wishes. For the man's first wish, he wishes for some water. Instantly he is in an oasis with fresh water, fruits, and vegetables. For his next wish, he wishes for clean clothes and a shower. Poof, he gets new threads. For his last wish, he wishes to be surrounded by women...Poof, he becomes a tampon.

Lame?

Answer 5

But a good sense of humor is different than a nice sense of humor.

Greg Proops has a great sense of humor, but he tends to get a little curse-word based.

Bill Cosby has a nice sense of humor, but is it close to your tastes and sensibilities?

Answer 6

no jokes, but I've got a sense of humor! A very sarcastic one at that. I don't let anybody get to me on here.

Answer 7

Married couple in their 60s are visited by a fairy...who grants them both a wish... I want to travel round the world with my husband says the wife....2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand....Husband says sorry love but my wish is to have a wife 30 yrs younger than me....so the fairy waved her wand, and the husband becomes 92...... The moral of this story; men who are ungrateful bastards shud remember , faries are Female ....

Answer 8

i have a great sense of humor doll but all the good jokes i have are ,not airable for ppl here to read

Answer 9

I try not to take questions too seriously. If I find a misspelling or a mistake in grammar, my answer usually somehow points that out. I can be very sarcastic.

Answer 10

You must be looking for the good-humor man. He doesn't come around much anymore. I think he's retired and living comfortably on a stick in ice cream heaven.