Do you think its ok for boyfriend of 2 yrs. to have ex wife living in a travel trailer in our driveway?

Question

My boyfriend has his ex wife along with her three kids of another marrige living in our driveway. Thats not all. He has me cooking meals for them and taking them to school, the store and any other place they need to go. I feel a little uncomfortable about this. How do I tell him I dont want to hve to deal with his BAGGAGE from a previous relationship. He acts like were all just one happy family. Im not happy. He says hes letting her do this because he feels sorry for her.

Answer 1

Sounds like y'all are just right for the Jerry Springer show.
He should be calling soon.

Answer 2

This is not OK for several reasons.

1. You're not happy in the relationship.

2. The ex-wife sounds like she's taking advantage of the situation. Why can't she cook and drive the kids to school herself? Does she even work? It doesn't sound like she's taking any responsibility for herself as a mother, and your boyfriend isn't really helping her much by letting her stay in a trailer and leech from you at your expense. At the very least, if she is not taking care of the kids (which she should be doing) she should have a full time job or else she's just using you.

3. It's a burden on you and it's going to get worse if it continues. If your boyfriend wants to help them, then you should have him do the work since he is the one volunteering to accommodate them, not you.

4. I can understand this as a temporary situation to help his ex-wife and kids get back on their feet. He may have good intentions, but there is no way this is going to work permanently.

5. If you don't like it, tell your boyfriend the truth and express your feelings honestly. The sooner you do it, the better off you'll be.

Answer 3

I wouldn't appreciate this a bit. I would be able to understand a bit if these were his kids but their not so that makes it another ball game. I don't care how sorry he feels for her. You need to ask him where is yall's relationship going. If he plans to move forward with you then you need to tell him it's her or you his choice. You should not feel responsible for these children and neither should he. You 2 have your own life to live. If he can't get rid of her I would tell him to move them in the house and you are gone. You are going to have to put the ball in his court and let him play it. If he can't decide within 1-2 months (I believe that's plenty of time) then I would just leave. What's going to happen is he is going to end up sleeping with her anyways if you don't step up and take control. Just put it to him like this her or you and leave it at that. Tell him you are through with cooking them meals and taking her and her kids places. You are not a taxi. She made her bed and she needs to lie in it. I do feel sorry for the kids though but I am sure she has family that will help. If not tell her to go and find their father and let him take the responsibility. I just would stop it all. I wouldn't be able to put up with it not anymore anyways. You are a good person to do all of this but it's not your place. Good luck and it will all work out. I hope.

Answer 4

What are you thinking? You are cooking for them and taking them all over the place? Whatever made you agree to this? You are soooo being used! Get a new boyfriend, he has *no* consideration for you. He's letting her do this - TO YOU - because he feels sorry for her? How is that your concern? He should be the one hauling them around and cooking for them if that is the case. NOT you. If she is so pathetic that no one other than your boyfriend will help her, then she is going to be in his life (and yours) forever. Get out now. It sounds like he might be moving them into your home next, if he thinks that you are one big happy family. Then you're going to be cleaning up after them and doing all their laundry, too. This is a terrible situation. Please stand up for yourself, because no one else will. You are not a cook/maid/chauffeur for his former family. That trailer needs to travel to a new location pronto. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

ok that is definitly not ok this is going to cause alot of problems between u if it hasnt already.Before they moved into your driveway why didnt u say something about how uncomfortable this is to you or were you even asked about how you felt?If you werent in on the desicion then you need to tell your husband how you feel regardless.And you are not there slaves you shouldnt have to cook and take them where ever they have to go thats not your problem.Set your foot down and get them outta your drive way.Hope all works out ok for ya

Answer 6

He'll probably not take the news too well - I mean....you HAVE been fine with it so far...why the sudden change?

It's a package deal...his kids will always be a big part of his life - which means your life as well. His ex will always be around too.

You need to make the decision - live like this forever and stop complaining, or move on.

Answer 7

I think he is asking too much of you. It's one thing to be understanding about his life before you, but this situation is over the top. Maybe you should ask him if there is another solution and that this current arrangement is going to cause a strain on you & him. Do you feel that they still have feelings for one another? You need to ask him.
Otherwise, you have a hard decision to make.
~Best of Luck~

Also - I'm curious about you answer to Nosy Parker's question.
It could be a factor in all this.

Answer 8

well here goes does her man have hands and feet?why cant he work and save money and get them an apartment what kind of loosers are these people did they loose their house from hurricane katrina if not there is no excuse, you husband is not bothered because your doing all of the work you need to stop and learn to say no make him do it if hes working oh well i guess nobody will get a ride or go anywhere get a grip girl tell him they need to move on or you will.try and keep busy and start making excuses let them all fen for themselfs.good luck.

Answer 9

Wow. THat's not okay. It sounds more like you are the maid. It's great that he wants to help out, but he's taking it too far. You need to tell him that you aren't a taxi service. Let him know that it bothers you. Since you do all these things for them, he may not realize that you are so upset with the arrangement.

Answer 10

that isn't okay. i can understand if he wants to help her out if she's experiencing hard times. he's got kids with her. but he's taken this helping thing to another level! it's one thing to be a good man and father and another thing to move her into your driveway! it's his ex for petesake! is he sharing whitney's crack when he asks you to cook and run errands for them? look, you need to put your foot down (or in his behind!). you need to sit down and talk to him about this arrangement. (you should've done this when he brought this idea up the first time!) tell him this ain't sitting well on your shoulders. you don't want her and her kids on the streets but they have to make other arrangements. if he doesn't understand and gets angry, then there must other reasons why he wants her to live on his property. that's when you got to start thinking about whether or not the relationship is worth saving. (i'd bounce!!) believe me, that don't make one bit of sense! get strong and stand up for yourself!!

PS why ain't she cooking her own food?!
good luck to you and i hope things work out for you. bye.

Answer 11

Do you live in Utah?
[8-)
If he wants to feed them and be their chauffeur, let him, but you need to take yourself out of that equation. Make it clear that those are HIS responsibilities, if he wants them, NOT yours.
You could point out to him that he isn't doing her any favor by not letting her learn to be independent.
Also, many cities have laws about how long someone can live out of a trailer in the yard. If you don't want them in your house, you should do something SOON.