I have only been married for 8 months?

Question

We are always bickering at each other. I am in the US Army so we didnt ever get the chance to date really. We never lived together until we got married. I am having thoughts that maybe we are not ready for this and we should seperate now instead of the heart break later. Can anyone help me with this?

Answer 1

Oh come on - the Army didn't prevent you from dating much. I take it that you were being PCS'd and so you felt compelled to get married or risk losing her. THAT was immature.

But you are where you are. It may well be that you are both too young to be married and that it was probably not the right time for the two of you. However, you are married. And before you hike off to the Legal Office on base to find out what it will take to get divorced in whatever state you are stationed, remember that even after you spend the money to get divorced, you will have to pay to move her back home.

AND before you even do that, separate from the idea that you may not be "ready" for what you have already done, ask yourself if you still love her. Is she the person you want to grow old with? Is she the person you want to be the mother of your children ? Do you share the same goals, hopes, dreams, interests, politics, religion, lifestyle ? And are you the person she should be with ? Are you kind to her and attentive ? Are you a good husband (as opposed to a hot date) for her ?

These are questions that you two should have encountered long before you decided to tie the knot. The realities of being married are very, very different than just dating and having sex.

Recognize also that you are at the whim of the military and working 24/7 in a lifestyle that you chose. She, on the other hand, has become a dependent military wife and is at a very low rung of the rank structure of the base. She is probably quite lonely and is expecting you to keep her occupied and interested. You are not going to be able to do that and be in the military. (You really couldn't do that in the civilian world either....) A military wife has to be very, very independent. She has to find friends (Enlisted Spouse's Club) and activities to do on her own. It's a tough life to throw a young woman into --- and I bet that neither of you knew what you were getting yourselves into in this respect.

You can get free marital counseling in two, maybe three, places on your installation. You can get it from the Chapel; you can get it from Social Actions; and you can probably get it from Mental Health. You two need it to work this out. It may be that you discover that you are not really in the kind of love it takes to survive marriage in the military, but you may also find that you are.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Stop loosing hope. Nobody said marriage is a bed of roses. Infact I think you should have the best marriage since you have a lot to explore together. The stress of your work are clogging your judgement. Communicate with your wife and am sure you will find some solutions that the two of you can use to avoid conflict. Whenever you start bickering at each other kindly take time out. You also need to realise she is under some pressure to.

Answer 3

Your relationship is like the Alicia Key's song......" I keep on falling in and out of Love with you".....Think about it....the 8 months is called the honeymoon time. actually Honeymoon time was over after the 1st month....You are two people that need to learn to synchonise, communicate and quit being selfish with your feelings and your self!

Using the ARmy as an excuse...is BS dude. I'm speaking from experience as a former AF person. The ARMY didn't order you to Marry....You did this on your own.

Start learning to live together and love each other again. Think about what brought you two together in the 1st place. Fall in love all over again. Romance, Intimacy....communication of feelings, sharing, caring.....

Divorce....only if out of many trials....and tribulations .....can't be resolved. Divorce is expensive and not pleasant...Just don't make the mistake of thinking bringing children into your miserable equation will make your marriage strong because it will make it worse...

Answer 4

First you must try and understand, the "first 2 years" of a marriage are the roughest. You are getting to know each other still, learning things you didn't before. My husband and I never had a courtship,and yes we bickered and argued like you couldn't believe. But when we do, it upset me so badly it felt like I was going to drop dead from the stress of it all. So, we have found a few things that "we" do together. We talk, and have stopped arguing and all of that. I looked at him and could not see my life without him. It takes time,and you both should do something together, other than sex.

Answer 5

This is going to sound crazy, but you need to go through pre-marital counseling. I don't know if you skipped this step in your pre-wedding activities but it helps. Don't just give up after 8 months, all marriages take work. Be sure to communicate with your husband as much as possible especiallly when you're bickering. Find out what's causing the bickering and what you both can do to move on from whatever may be bothering you.

Answer 6

I was in the army and married too we spent 4 years in germany and most of the time i was deployed. we split after we got home but maybe i can stop you from making the same mistakes i made
one don't take the army home with you
understand that you are new to marrage as she or he is to the army most civilian don't understand the army life.
give love a chance most will say your spouse is cheating on you and you will start to belive it .... don't
you are having post marriage frights it was fun at first and now it is a fight everyday try to see it from both sides of the fight
and most of all hold on to that person as long as you can because you never know how long you have with that person

best of luck with the army and your marriage
slick

Answer 7

Another military couple!

I didn't live with my hubby at all before being married, and we only dated 3 mos and then were engaged 3 mos, so I know what you are talking about (and I was 22 when I married). I would go talk to the chaplain (They don't care if you are religious or anything, they just want to help.)

I also have a website for you:

www.cinchouse.com

It is for military women or wives of military personnel

This site was a lifesaver for me when I got married!

Answer 8

Are you both young? You may have married before you were ready to make that kind of commitment. Are you fighting over important things, or little, insignificant? If it's the latter, I'd say, the next time you think an argument is starting, just hold your tongue. Don't get involved, don't let your spouse begin either. Just say, "Can we not fight over this?" and try to compromise. In either case, I would recommend marriage counseling.

Answer 9

Seems that both you are not meant for each other. Perhaps both of you are more suitable to become close friends than man & wife.

I would suggest have a separation with each other and monitor how it goes. Give yourself a time frame to monitor and if you think she is still worth for 2nd chance, why not make initiative to improve your marriage life? But, if things doesn't seem any improvement, DIVORCE is the best solution for both of you.

Answer 10

Congrats at present marriage and superb needs to your destiny as properly! intercourse around day 14 of your spouse's cycle will strengthen the possibilities of thought. Day 14 is the day she ovulates. As some one else referred to in yet another answer, a fertility calender is a huge thank you to maintain music of this "magic" day. even with the undeniable fact that, my superb suggestion for you is to no longer try so complicated. In previous experience I even have observed that couple that try too complicated dont conceive, and then while they "provide up" for a on a similar time as, they're miraculously pregnant!:) additionally all that attempting is complicated artwork, and could take the intimacy and relaxing out of the finished ordeal. So have relaxing, make your spouse happy, and luxuriate in yourselves:) additionally, understand that it ought to take as much as a year to get pregnant, even with all that practice!:)