Ive got these two friends, I was at one time "best" friends with both. One has always been loyal to me and the other has already abondoned me before (so im not suprised now) but heres the thing. Recently the two of them have been hanging out without me, I introduced them by the way. And well, I just feel extremely left out and jealous, am I right to feel this way? Or should I be happy for them and let them be best friends and continue to ignore me like they do? If I tell them how I feel, I think I will just come off as jealous and childish...what should I do?
2006-07-26 19:45:56 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
This is tuf, The best friend who abandoned you before , was not a true friend. Does the other best friend know how the other friend treated you? If so, and the way things are now, I would suspect that friend wasn't for real either. How long have you been friends with both of them. I guess you have to decide, if it is worth it or not. I know being jealous isn't good and childish isn't either, but I would feel "left out" too. I guess my best advice is move on look for new friends and cut my ties with these two. Obviously they aren't considering your feelings.
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I want to add, because of another comment, there is such a thing as friends for life, my best friend and I have been together over 25 years. She and I would never make the other feel bad for any reason, no one will ever come between us. I feel very blessed to have her in my life. And by the way, we have never been in a fight, not even a small one. We aren't always alike on issues either, that's one of the things I love about her the most, she's not always on my side, she tells me the truth, That's one of her qualities I love the most. That is rare with women being friends, but then neither of us are typical women !
2006-07-26 19:55:05 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's natural to feel jealous and left out, but don't take it to extremes. If they are (were) really your friends, talk to them individually, and maybe only the one that was loyal. Just say you'd like to hang out with them some or invite them individually, or even together to do something. If they deny you or continue to leave you out, then they were really never a good friend to begin with. It may be lonesome for a while, but try to make a new friend by going out on your own. Trust me, friendships with the same sex can have boyfriend/girlfriend-like qualities. I had one once where I had a friend who had a best friend. We began doing things together and started including the best friend. The best friend became my friend and they started fighting over who was going to spend time with me, they were jealous of each other. Boy that was weird. I don't think they were gay, but it made me feel like two guys fighting over me. But more often I've been in the situation more like yours. It's no picnic, but I'd try talking to them, if they think you're childish, then oh well. You've nothing to loose at this point. Just don't get emotional when you talk to them, just kind of casually mention it.
2006-07-26 19:56:30 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If nothing ever happened to cause either of your friends to abandon you, it could be your imagination that they are ignoring you. Otherwise, it depends on the gender and motivation of your two friends. I think you need to talk to the friend that has always been loyal to you and ask him or her what is going on that you can no longer be a part of the fun. It is difficult to be "best friends" with more than one person! Try that approach, anyway.
2006-07-26 19:52:59 · answer #3 · answered by Jess4rsake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the same freedom of choice as anyone to choose which friends to hang out with.
The term "best friends" can change with time.
You must be a kid. When you grow up, your life experience will show you that...
There is no *forever* best friends, and no *forever* enemies.
.. which means, your best friends can change to be your enemies one day, and your enemies may end up helping you like a friend. Of course, there is some in-betweens.
You simply take away all *shoulds* in your mind. Then you'll be happier.
2006-07-26 19:54:01 · answer #4 · answered by Timeless - watcher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depends on how close and open your relationship is. I am actually in the same boat. My best friend of 9 years just moved in with my other best friend. Yes i introduced them and it does make me jealous when i hear about stuff that happens in the apartment. You know moments with out me, but i talk to them and they try and included as often as they can. yes i cant live there but we are all trying to stay friends and get along.
2006-07-26 19:50:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, you need to learn exactly what a 'best friend' is. here's some of my current definitions:
a best friend is 100% loyal, honest & truthful, open-minded, tollerant, kind, friendly, supportive, FUN, loving, easy to be your self with, accepts you as you are, tells you the truth and allows you to tell them your truth, allows your feelings, will never hurt you if possible or will 'talk behind your back', cares about you and will never turn on you unless you really deserve it.
this descibes the way all best friend need to be - not just the other person!
does any of this fit your situation?
2006-07-26 20:27:48 · answer #6 · answered by jimrich 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your friends. You don't have to lose either one. Don't push the issue and the one that has been loyal all a long will realize that you are a true friend, because if the other friend abandoned you he/she will do the some thing to your loyal friend. Then he/she will turn to you because you didn't give up on him/her.
2006-07-26 19:54:52 · answer #7 · answered by shaiadfr 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That stuff would definately suck and bother you. My ex boyfriend introduced me to most of his friends...we broke up 2 years ago, but I'm still friends with 2 of his friends, so we now share mutual friends. I'm sure it bothers him to some degree, more back then than it does now though. He got use to it because his friends and I were determined to remain friends b/c there was no reason why we couldn't be. What bothered him most was his paranoia that one of his friends and I would fall in love or something. Which I can assure will never happen. So, I suppose you can sit back and deal with your friends being friends now, but try and get back in the circle with them. If all fails and they totally exclude you and don't care, then *** 'em.
2006-07-26 19:52:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make new friends. When I was in High School my dad told me that I was going to go through more friends in life than I will shoes, and by god, he's right....
Sometimes people change and what they need in a friend changes. Don't be resentful about it, I know it sucks, but there are hundreds of people out there that might be great friends that will last a lifetime......
2006-07-26 19:49:59 · answer #9 · answered by rera1397 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The same exact thing happened to me this year. My two ex-best friends went behind my back and bought plane tickets to Miami and left me at home for my senior spring break. If you don't like the way they are treating you, you need to speak up. If you keep your emotions bottled up, everytime you are with them you will resent them even more. I'm sure they don't realise they are doing it and if they do - then they are the assholes, not you.
2006-07-26 19:53:03 · answer #10 · answered by Malibu Barbie R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋