Any input, opinions, or constructive critcism?

Question

Some people post their writing here, so I figured, what the heck, it's easier to take criticism from complete strangers as oppose to your closest friends. Here goes...
My Side
Is there nothing I can do to please you?
Isn’t being overly submissive enough?
Do you notice it? Do you care?
I kill myself trying to live up to your high expectations
So that you know that I’m trying.
But you don’t even realize it.

You ask me why I’m not always laughing around you
The way that I am when I’m with my friends
Did it occur to you it’s because they don’t critique me in everything I do?
They don’t get upset when I brush them off with “I’m moody.”

They don’t expect me to be perfect.
Wait, now you’re going to say that you don’t expect me to be perfect either.
But when I don’t do well in something, the disapproval and disappointment is on your face. In your eyes.
You don’t even have to say anything. I know.

When I tell you I don’t want to talk, why do you pry?
And then complain when I tell you it’s nothing?
I said I’d tell you when I feel like talking, but you keep poking at me until I get angry.
Then you say my attitude will be my downfall.
Why don’t you take the time to listen to my side?
Is it my fault? I need to think things through by myself.
While it is your job to take care of me and know what’s going on,
Your authority can only reach so far.

You have to let me solve my problems by myself, so I can learn and gain experience.
When I need you, I’ll tell you.
I’m not so dumb to think I can handle a huge problem on my own.
Is your overprotection of me a way of preventing me from failing?

But don’t take this the wrong way, I’m not trying to point out flaws.
Because I don’t expect you to be perfect.
I just thought you should hear my side.
When I dismiss you with a simple shrug or an “I don’t know”, don’t take it into offense.
I love you with all my heart, no matter how much I may act like I hate you.
I wouldn’t be here, where I am, without you.

Just remember this
I will never forget you or disown you.
I will never neglect you or leave you in the dark.
All I ask is that when I’m ready, you’ll listen.

sorry for the long read, hope it's not stupid or anything

thanks in advance to people who took the time to read this...it's supposed to be a poem, by the way

Answer 1

This is dumb.

Answer 2

Are you addressing or questioning? Is this a poem, lyrics to a song? At this point, you want to edit. Think of symbolism to potentially clarify what it is you want to say. Underline words that are the same and try to use inject something different. These are feelings we've all touched on at some point or another, how can you make it new?

Answer 3

It sounds very heartfelt.
What is it supposed to be?
It's like a letter that explains your feelings to somebody. But it's organized like a poem.
It's too literal for me.
Too literal like the words in this response do not
leave any room for interpretation.
But keep on
writing.
You have the
right
IDEA.

Answer 4

i do not take any grievance nicely if i do not ask for it, i extremely do not comprehend why, maximum likely because if i think i'm doing something incorrect or ought to advance i'll ask for someones help or opinion, except that if i do not ask I favor to be left to my business organization because i comprehend what i'm doing. So its like that, if I ask i favor help, if i do not ask I extremely have it less than administration, if I do ask then i'm high-quality with helpful grievance. i extremely hate at the same time as people basically assume i opt for their recommend....

Answer 5

Wow. I completely LOVE it!!!! You wrote this??! You have some talent. This could be a song like that..so easily.. Jeeze. This puts everything I've been feeling w/my b/f into words. This is awesome!!

Answer 6

it's not stupid, it's just too liberal, like some one made you do something or something rather
it's good, a little more work on it and it will be complete

Answer 7

have you ever heard henry rollins"i know you"?check it out.